Lather, Rinse, Repeat
by bornonhalloween
Summary: Freshly graduated from Cosmetology School, Bella takes a job in a health club beauty salon called Mystique. First days on the job can be so boring…until that perfect head of hair walks in! All drabble, All human
1. Chapter 1

**Lather, Rinse, Repeat**

**Summary:** _Freshly graduated from Cosmetology School, Bella takes a job in a health club beauty salon called Mystique. First days on the job can be so boring…until that perfect head of hair walks in! All drabble, All human, All BPOV_

8= 1 =8

"Hide your phone, Bella. Jabba's coming!"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"But nobody can see me back here but you."

"Doesn't matter. It's a 'Mystique Mantra'."

"What the fuck's that?"

"A stupid rule to keep us subjugated to the owner's will."

"That's dark, Alice."

"She'll confiscate it."

"Bullshit."

"I've seen her do it before."

"That's like a civil rights violation or some such shit."

"Whatever, I'm just warning you. Here she comes!"

"Fine." I slide my cell into my front pocket with only a moment to spare.

"Bella, you're on the next walk-in."

"Hope this one's got a pulse," I snicker to Alice.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Hope you enjoy this light romp! This is what happens when the kink factory (moi) goes to the beauty salon. *sigh* Oh...and those funky symbols around the chapter number are supposed to look like of gratitude to my loving taskmaster **jenjiveg** who whipped this one into shape, and **Trip** and **Alterite** for the pre-read- all up through chapter 45.


	2. Chapter 2

**=8 2 8=**

Being the new kid blows. I'm completely at the mercy of walk-in traffic. Fortunately, we get our share.

Customer one was older than dirt and meaner than a rattlesnake. I could see right through her thin unruly wisps of grey hair straight to her liver-spotted scalp. Barf.

"Make me look like her," she commanded, waving Mila Kunis in my face.

"No problem."

"WHAT?"

"SURE THING!" I promised, shouting into her ear, studiously ignoring the protruding hairs.

"You did a crap job," she said afterward handing me a five. "I don't look anything like her. Split that with the shampoo girl."


	3. Chapter 3

=8 **3** 8=

Head number two was no more polite and even less generous, one of those uppity gym rat bitches who took a brief break in between spinning and Pilates to have her hair and nails done. She didn't seem the walk-in type until I learned she was visiting from out of town.

So I'm not exactly beating the bushes to meet customer three. Besides, with Momma Weeble wobbling in front of me, I've got nowhere to go, and I'm not going there fast.

"Here we go, Sir," the boss wheezes out the introductions. "Bella will be taking care of you today."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** In case you didn't grow up in the American 70's, 'Weebles wobble but they don't fall down' is a ditty describing a clever rounded wooden toy weighted at the bottom so it wouldn't fall over. There was a whole little family. Watch the vintage commercial at youtube . com/watch?v=qq0OQBdIhsc if you want the song in your head all day. (You don't.)


	4. Chapter 4

==8 **4** 8==

_Sir?_ Hmmm, that's promising.

There's a comical exchange where he zigs just as the boss zags. The two tango back and forth before I step around her, firmly planting my palm against her blubber and pushing her to the side.

And…_Wow_. He's flustered and shy and he's definitely got a pulse.

And did I mention gorgeous? Probably should've said that first. And what a head of hair! A stylist's wet dream.

_Please don't be married, beautiful man. _

"Hi, I'm Bella," I extend my right hand.

"Edward," he returns, grasping me firmly.

"Come on back to my station, Edward."

_No ring_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: New and improved scissors thanks to Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy. Thank GOD we've got that settled!


	5. Chapter 5

==8 **5** 8==

Never one to blend in, I rock the all black dress code with tight leggings and a skimpy top.

My client's roving stare leads me to believe he appreciates that I've pushed the envelope.

Go ahead and enjoy the view, Gorgeous.

"Here we are," I spin cheerfully. His eyes click upward one beat too late.

Edward slides into my chair and I position myself behind him, hands on his shoulders. His eyes reflect back from the mirror. Most guys this hot would be looking at themselves, but Edward isn't.

His gaze settles just above his head, right between my tits.


	6. Chapter 6

==8 **6 ** 8==

I lean forward, dipping my face right next to his, letting my chest gauge the musculature of his back. My breasts give him high ratings.

From his rapid eye blinks, it seems they've scored favorably, too.

"What are we doing today, Edward?"

His reflected eyes click to mine. "Um…I was kind of hoping you'd tell me. This rat's nest…" He runs his right hand from his forehead halfway up his scalp, shaking his head with disdain.

"Hmmm, let's see…" I answer, running both hands experimentally from the nape of his neck up and around the sides. "God, you've got fantastic hair!"


	7. Chapter 7

==8 **7 ** 8==

"Maybe just a little off here," I play at the messy waves up front, "and we'll go a bit shorter back here?" I scratch along the back of his neck and pull his hair between my fingers.

His mouth has dropped open and he's all embarrassed when he realizes I'm waiting for an answer. "Oh…sure."

I place my palms flat on the top of his head and settle him against my chest. "I've got this. Just put yourself in my capable hands."

"Okay," he answers with a hint of a smile.

"Great! Let's get you shampooed. Did you wanna change?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Sorry for the cross-story pollination, but I've just learned that **KEA** is up for **Fic of the Month** at TLS. You only get ONE vote this time...if you're so inclined, my characters would be most appreciative of your vote at **tehlemonadestand . blogspot . com/p/tls-fics-of-month . html**


	8. Chapter 8

==8 **8 ** 8==

"No, I'm good." He pops out of the chair and follows me to the shampoo basins. Damn, my mouth was already watering imagining him taking his shirt off.

Shampoo Girl bounces toward us eagerly, eyeing Edward like a dog about to receive a Porterhouse bone with all the meat still on it.

I wave her off. "I've got this."

"But the stylists here don't wash…" she attempts desperately. This is not about a tip. This is about the man.

Through tightly clenched teeth, I interrupt, "I'll. Do. This. One." _Don't even try to get at this head of hair, bitch_.


	9. Chapter 9

==8 **9 ** 8==

"Have a seat," I offer, stretching above his head to grab a towel from the shelf. And flash an "inadvertent" peek at the sterling dangles hanging from my navel ring.

"Wouldn't want to get you wet," I explain, grazing his neck with my fingers while tucking the towel protectively around his shirt collar.

He's buried with one fluff of the cape and I snap it closed.

My hand finds his shoulder; I cup the back of his neck. "Scoot down and make yourself comfortable. Well, as comfortable as you can be with a slab of cold porcelain under your neck."


	10. Chapter 10

==8 **10 ** 8==

My cleavage and my crotch offer the only close-range targets for his eyes. Shifting nervously between them, he quickly opts to settle his focus on the patternless plaster above him.

I open the faucet releasing hot water into the rubber tubing. I temper it with cold, waiting impatiently for perfection.

"Too hot?" I inquire, turning the giant water snake toward his neck.

"No, it's fine." He swallows, Adam's apple bobbing nervously.

I soak his hair thoroughly, one hand at the shower head, the other gliding ahead and corralling his unruly locks. I cup his ears protectively to avoid flooding them.


	11. Chapter 11

==8 **11 ** 8==

His eyes lose their tenuous grip on the ceiling as my nails rake back the locks at his forehead. Once does not suffice; I'm devoted to my job. His eyes roll back in his head before surrendering and closing. I take it as an open invitation. Rake and soak, scrape and drench.

Phase One is officially maxed out, and I manage to twist the faucets off together. A resounding quiet reverberates in the sink. A sliver of tongue swipes between his lips. My hip grazes his shoulder as I lean in to pump the woodsy men's shampoo into my palm.


	12. Chapter 12

==8 **12 ** 8==

As I distribute the cool liquid over the surface area of his head, I work more than the shampoo into a lather. The bubbles afford the opportunity to scratch roughly. It's imperative to stimulate the hair follicles, after all.

His nylon cape crinkles between us as my belly presses in against his bicep. He holds stock still so as not to make any moves that might be construed as inappropriate. His eyes pinch closed against the onslaught of my chest covering his full field of vision.

Somehow, I'm sure he knows what would await him should his careful control falter.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Poor Edward...can we keep those eyes closed? **Kitkat Cullen** took a short break between posting crackfics to create a hilarious story banner, just before Edward gets soaked! Now just imagine that girl sliding around to his side...flashing that navel dangler...offering that glimpse of cleavage...stimulating those hair follicles!_

_You can find it at my FB account (link on my profile) ~BOH_


	13. Chapter 13

==8 **13 ** 8==

Sides, top, and front sufficiently cleansed, it's time for the all-important nape. Cradling his neck, I lift gingerly from the U-shaped opening, drawing his face toward me. I fervently hope the cleavageful of Vera Wang _Lovestruck_ he's getting will work its magic on his olfactory nerves while my fingers scratch at the back of his head.

We all pretend it's about cleansing, but peel away the pretense and it all comes down to the touching.

I hate having to redeposit his neck back into the harsh slot of the sink, but that's how this dance is choreographed.

Lather. Rinse. Repeat.


	14. Chapter 14

==8 **14 ** 8==

Conditioner. Every shampoo girl worth her salt will milk it and go for the extra win with the customer. There's the forehead maneuver, the scalp knead, and the pot of gold: the neck massage.

Most clients shut their eyes and try to adopt a nonchalant air; embarrassed, I suppose, to be observed in the throes of rapture by every envious eye in the salon.

Though I diligently mastered the skills, I was more than happy to relinquish this duty to lower levels of the totem pole once I got my certificate.

Today, I'll draw on every last ounce of training.


	15. Chapter 15

==8 **15 ** 8==

_Squirt! Squirt! Squirt!_

Coating my palms with the slippery solution, I ogle my client. He offers himself to me on a porcelain platter, the bare slice of his exposed throat practically begging to be licked.

Behind his eyelids a battle rages; in the end, the ostrich instinct in him prevails.

I scratch the conditioner from his forehead to the base of his scalp, moisturizing and fondling him in equal parts.

When the pads of my thumbs press small circles against his temples, though, the excuse falls away.

I am going to make you feel so good, Gorgeous. Soak it in.


	16. Chapter 16

==8 **16 ** 8==

The only sound at our station is the scritch of my fingertips moving along his Governor Vessel. There's a subtle bobble head pulsing motion as he gives himself over to my ministrations.

I steal an extra dollop of product before stepping in next to his shoulder and slipping one hand down his neck. With the other, I lift him from the sink and support his weight. He's stiff at first, but soon, his head lolls around like a rag doll with not enough stuffing.

I take great liberties during this phase, expanding my playing field well beyond generally accepted boundaries.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Squeee! _LRR_ made _Rob Attack Fanfic Fridays_ thanks to the lovely **Midnight Cougar**'s magic pen! robattack . wordpress . com/2011/12/09/fanfiction-fridays-recs-for-dec-911/ If you go to the blog, be SURE to stay and play a while...RobAttack is one of my favorite places to get great fanfic recs on Fridays, but beyond that, the admins thrill and delight with original and creative RP pics and videos all week long. Enjoy!


	17. Chapter 17

==8 **17 ** 8==

Seven cervical vertebrae sit at the top of the spine, and I don't rest until each of Edward's receives the loving attention it needs to function at full capacity; i.e., hold his beautiful head aloft. I can't be bothered to care that standing too close to him will likely leave permanent stains on my brand new outfit. It's so worth it to provide that premium _customer service_.

Drawing goose bumps along the column of his neck is like taking candy from a baby. But the breathy moan that escapes him as I work out the final knot is an unexpected windfall.


	18. Chapter 18

==8 **18 ** 8==

I lower him to the sink with extreme reluctance. His eyes open lazily and he drawls, "Thank you."

Has he noticed that I've spent ten minutes massaging his head, seven more than sanctioned by the 'Mystique Mantra'? The owner most definitely has, as evidenced by the warning glare burning twin holes in my skull.

I pull my fingers through his revitalized hair one final time. As I chase the remaining conditioner down the drain, Edward rewards me with direct eye contact.

His half-lidded eyes and serene smile scream post-orgasmic bliss.

You're so very fucking welcome, Beautiful. The pleasure's all mine.


	19. Chapter 19

==8 **19 ** 8==

A vigorous scrub of the towel soaks up the excess water, but I'm careful to swirl delicately inside his ears. One shoulder lifts sympathetically as the corner of the terry cloth finds a ticklish spot.

"Sorry," I apologize, retracting the fabric.

"No worries," he responds shyly.

I liberate a comb from the Barbicide jar and attempt to domesticate his wild mane.

"Good luck with that," he offers, chuckling.

I respond confidently, "Haven't met the head of hair yet that I couldn't tame."

He laughs outright, "I've made grown women weep."

"Oh, I don't doubt that for a second," I wink.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** *points to self* = Grown woman made to weep


	20. Chapter 20

==8 **20 ** 8==

"Back to my station, Mister." I lead, feeling his self-conscious shuffle behind me. Men above the age of eight don't typically enjoy walking around in capes. Unless they're also wearing tights and happen to be able to fly.

I unclip the towel rolled inside the neckline of the cape and reset his collar June Cleaver-style. _There you are, Ward dear, you're perfect again._

I step between Edward and the mirror and pump, pump, pump up the chair. As he bounces ever higher, he earnestly attempts a chivalrous avoidance of my tits; alas, they're just too compelling for my helpless victim.


	21. Chapter 21

==8 **21 ** 8==

Drawing the hair at his temples between my fingers, I carefully evaluate the situation. "Having second thoughts, or are you still good with our plan?"

He naturally tries to look in the mirror, but I'm all he sees. "I trust you."

"Bueno." I smile, turning to slide my favorite pair of shears from my leather instrument roll.

I catch him studying my ass in the mirror. _What's wrong, Baby? You can't puzzle out where that lace disappeared to?_

I squeeze his bicep through the cape. "Before we start, can I offer you coffee, tea, water_ …anything_?"

"Oh…no, thanks… I'm good."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We **know** you're good, Swee' Pea! ~BOH


	22. Chapter 22

==8 **22 ** 8==

Comb in one hand, shears in the other, I move behind him. It's borderline chaos back here. My guess is it's been growing for months unchecked. Or else the last girl completely fucked him over. I hope for the former.

"How long's it been since your last cut?"

He responds to the mirror sheepishly, "Oh…um… a while."

"Something bad happen?" _Snip, snip, snip_.

"Are you familiar with Samson and Delilah?" he asks with a playful grimace.

"Sure. I aced my Old Testament course at Cosmetology School."

He guffaws appreciatively. Well, well, well… there _is_ a sense of humor in there.


	23. Chapter 23

==8 **23 ** 8==

This poor guy is buttoned up so tight! I have the strongest urge to hop in his lap, strip off the cape, and loosen…_everything_!

"Don't worry, Samson, I would never sell you out for a lousy bunch of silver coins."

"Good to know."

He relaxes slightly, but still monitors each fallen hair anxiously.

"Esmerelda!" I turn to the shampoo girl I cheated out of Edward's tip earlier and pantomime sweeping.

When I finally set down my scissors, his shoulders sink two inches. I really wish I could get him in the basin again and work out the kinks I've caused.


	24. Chapter 24

==8 **24 ** 8==

From behind, I pinch clumps of hair on opposite sides to see if they measure up.

Dropping my palms to his shoulders, I ask, "Still got your strength?"

"I'm good, thanks." He smiles that killer smile.

I snag the tube of styling gel. "May I?"

"Have at it," he shrugs agreeably.

I've just pulled the Golden Ticket from the Wonka Bar. He watches intently as I squeeze a dollop into my palm and warm it between my hands.

"Mind if I muss you up, or do you need it tidy?"

_Please_ let me muss you, Beautiful.

"How about tidily mussed?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _**If you're about to push the review button...WAIT!** There's another chapter coming your way...right now! _

_This story will end on New Year's Day, so if you occasionally see double, there's nothing wrong with your eyes_. ~BOH


	25. Chapter 25

==8 **25** 8==

"A tidy muss it shall be then," I chuckle happily.

Styling gel offers a new medium for my canvas. This one's even better than shampoo and conditioner, because now, he can watch.

He witnesses the care I take spreading the product throughout his hair, snaking my talented fingers along his scalp and neck, ensuring every last shaft is appropriately prepped.

And then, the real fun begins—the mussing.

I scrub at his scalp in carefully executed patterns to produce the look of random chaos, aka _sex hair_.

"Like that?"

He snorts, "I look like I just got out of bed."


	26. Chapter 26

==8 **26** 8==

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

He turns his head to speak to the real, unreflected me. I meet him halfway, by his side.

"It's just that I don't normally go out into the world looking like…"

Say it, Beautiful. _Like you've spent the last hour with your feet flat against the headboard and your face under the blankets between some girl's—_

"…I just woke up."

Damn. Couldn't quite go there for me, could you?

"Hmm, you want me to neaten it up a bit then?"

"I don't know," he says, a yearning playing into his tone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Well, you guys made the double dip so much fun, let's do it again!_


	27. Chapter 27

==8 **27 **8==

"What do _you_ think?" he pleads, seeking permission to cut loose from the familiar, the conventional.

I shrug. "It's your head. But if it were me, I'd have a little fun. Step outside the box. But then, you'll have to be very careful," I add in my most serious voice.

"Why?" he asks, alarmed.

"Well, you're likely to have girls rushing at you in the streets, dying to run their fingers through your hair. Could you handle that?"

He snorts loudly. "Yeah, right!" and turns back to the mirror, embarrassed.

Does he really have no clue how hot he is?


	28. Chapter 28

==8 **28 **8==

"Here, let's get you out of this Baggie," I say, unsnapping the cape and shaking off the loose hairs.

He brushes his hands along his sleeves and thighs absently while staring intently into the mirror like an amnesia victim trying to ferret out his identity. Oh dear, what have I done to the poor guy?

I hate the thought of leaving him so unresolved.

Placing my hand on his shoulder, I ask, "Do you have time for me to blow you out?"

He smirks.

_Fuck. Me_. Way to step out of the box, Gorgeous.

"Sure, my boss is a prince."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_You guys are getting good at this...review on 29, k? Tomorrow is one LRR + one KEA. What? Did you confuse me for Kitkat, aka Miss Multiple Posting Disorder? (Love you, KK!) ~BOH_


	29. Chapter 29

==8 **29 **8==

"Lucky you," I respond, rolling my eyes toward Shrek.

"Well, he's generous about lunch breaks, anyway."

"I got fifteen minutes in the color room to snarf down yogurt and a banana."

"Yeah, well, I work for myself, so…" _Now_ he lobs the conversation opener? Just as I reach for the blow dryer?

Setting the dryer on the lowest heat setting, I wave the air over his neck, down the opening of his shirt, across his lap.

Crap, I may have lingered.

And he may have noticed.

_Awkward!_

I make a cowardly retreat to work on the back of his head.


	30. Chapter 30

==8 **30 **8==

My fingers are shameless at the base of his neck. Dig, rake, tug.

Under the twin threats of warm air and my touch, his head is putty as he surrenders control.

I hide my eyes in the excuse of my work, struggling not to chance a look at him again, lest I get busted. Again.

Temptation takes over as I slip around to one side. Under the guise of creating symmetry, I allow my eyes to slide up his profile. No-nonsense jaw, elegant lips, straightforward nose, and eyes that crinkle at something in the mirror.

That something would be me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Just one today, ladies...it's KEA day! Enjoy _~**BOH**


	31. Chapter 31

==8 **31 **8==

My head follows his gaze, and I find myself inexorably locked into his eyes in the mirror. His lips tip upwards acknowledging his pleasure at my interest. Or would that be his interest in my pleasure? I am completely befuddled now.

Suddenly his eyes narrow and he pulls away from my hand, and I realize I've held the air in one spot for far too long.

"Oh my God. Shit! I'm so sorry!"

I toss down the dryer onto the thin ledge and soothe my hand across the overheated spot. His own hand joins mine, rubbing vigorously above his ear.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _ WOOPSIE! Let's leave it right there for today_! xx **~BOH**


	32. Chapter 32

==8 **32 **8==

"No big deal," he absolves me, even as his face scrunches in pain.

"Let me put some ice on it," I offer, twisting toward the kitchenette.

He clamps his hand down on my wrist, locking me in place.

"Please don't make a scene," he says urgently, placing his mouth near my ear. "You'll get in trouble, and I'm fine. Really."

"Are you sure? It's pretty red." _Please don't blister_, I beg his scalp.

"Yeah. Come on, do the other side so I don't come out lopsided," he grins.

"You sure you trust me?" Hell, _I'm_ not sure I trust me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Now why on earth should he trust her? It's a double dip day! Read on..._ **~BOH**


	33. Chapter 33

==8 **33 **8==

"Sure," he answers. "Just keep your eyes on the road this time, huh?"

Damn sexy grin.

I roll my eyes, mostly at myself, and tow the dryer and cord to the opposite side. I mostly keep my eyes on my work. But every time I don't, he lifts an accusatory eyebrow.

When I come around to the front, I get even with him. Because I can look all I want now; in fact, I _have_ to. But it's _his_ eyeballs roving down the top of my blouse that are inappropriate.

And I don't do a damn thing to discourage him.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Looks like they're BOTH getting a little braver now..._ *grins*


	34. Chapter 34

==8 **34 **8==

When I can no longer justify blowing hot air across his head just for the sake of fondling him, I shut down the dryer. White noise no longer provides a safe haven.

I move to one side and admire his reflection. "What do you think?"

He lifts his hand but stops in midair, glancing over at me for permission to run his _own_ fingers through his _own_ hair.

I smile. "Do your thing."

Godalmighty how his long fingers randomly walk through, yanking and twisting his roots.

I doubt he's aware that he drops his jaw and hollows out his cheeks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Did anybody see that moviefone interview where Kristen talks about how Rob does this "weird hinged jaw thing" when he looks in the mirror? It's funny. Double dipper...** ~BOH**_


	35. Chapter 35

==8 **35 **8==

He hasn't commented yet, but seriously? How could _anyone_ not like what he sees? The man screams seduction.

"You're making me a little nervous over here."

His eyes blink over to my reflected face, and the supermodel intensity of a moment ago is gone.

"It's good. I like it."

He metes out his praise in cautiously titrated doses, but I'll take it.

I grab the hand mirror and show him the back. "Wow, that's a relief," he sighs, brushing his palm across the neatened lines.

"A few more days and I would've needed my weed whacker back there."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Wait, which one of them said that? Whose weed whacker are we talking about? Don't ask me! It's am-BIG-you-uss. Merry Christmas Eve, all you little elves who've been diligently shopping and baking and wrapping. **~BOH**_


	36. Chapter 36

==8 **36 **8==

"Can I touch up your face?" I offer.

He shrinks away in horror. "What, like _make-up?"_

"God no!" I laugh. "A shave. Would you like me to smooth you out?"

"Oh-hhh." He turns to the mirror, cupping his chin between thumb and forefinger. "I shaved this morning. Why? Does it look bad?"

Uh…_no_.

Make that _HELL NO._

I have permission now to look at his face full-on. "No, it doesn't look bad at all. But then again…" I brush my knuckles down his cheek, "…I've always liked a little 5 o'clock shadow."

His eyes turn from the mirror to me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Both stories post chapter 36 today! And by total accident, I seem to have repeated one of my lines verbatim in BOTH of the stories! AND I posted a totally silly Christmas one-shot!_

_MERRY CHRISTMAS FOR REAL THIS TIME! AND TO ALL...A GOOD HAIRCUT. xoxo_** ~BOH**


	37. Chapter 37

**PREVIOUSLY:**

_I brush my knuckles down his cheek, "…I've always liked a little 5 o'clock shadow."_

_His eyes turn from the mirror to me._

* * *

><p>==8 <strong>37 <strong>8==

"I usually get mine around 2."

I tip my wrist between us. "Right on time."

"Oh, crap," he says, hopping out of the chair suddenly. "I didn't realize it was so late."

"The boss'll have your hide," I tease. God, how I'd love to have his hide.

"I don't like to take advantage; it sets a bad example. Besides, I've been monopolizing you."

I chuckle and gesture all around me. "It's my first day. I don't exactly have a line behind my chair."

"It's your _first day_?"

Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have volunteered that information. "My first day _here_," I clarify.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Nice save, Bella! Just one today, girls. Trust me..._ xxx **~BOH**


	38. Chapter 38

==8 **38 **8==

"Come on, I'll walk you up front." I grab his ticket, but he steps into my path.

"Exactly how long have you been cutting hair, Bella?" His eyes are squinty, but I detect a definite note of playfulness.

"Not counting lunch, four and a half hours."

"Pshhhhh," he shakes his head and smiles. "Could've fooled me."

"Just think," I tease, "next time you come and see me, I'll be like a hundred times more experienced!"

He grins. "Next time, eh?"

"I hope so."

"So how long do you recommend between cuts?"

_Would a week be pushing it?_

"Six weeks."

"Oh."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Read on, McDuff..._


	39. Chapter 39

==8 **39 **8==

"Oh?"

"I just…don't think I can wait that long to see you again."

"Well, I mean, some people do go _five_ weeks between cuts…"

"Bella," his voice deepens, "I'm not talking about a haircut."

"Oh!" _Duh._

"Any chance I could persuade you to go on a date with me?"

"Probably," I tease mercilessly. "Go ahead and give it your best shot."

He laughs. "That _was_ my best shot!"

"In that case, Edward, I'd love to go out with you."

"Well, good," he says, finally smiling broadly. "Good. When does this mean old boss let you have time off for fun?"


	40. Chapter 40

==8 **40 **8==

Just before we reach the counter, he presses a folded bill into my hand. "Bella, thank you for the best hair…_experience_ of my life. And for restoring my faith in hair stylists."

I accept his tip graciously and stuff it into my pocket. I pluck one of my brand new business cards from the appropriate holder while he rebooks for six weeks out. I write his appointment date and time on the back, along with my cell number.

Jessica, the bouncy blond receptionist, eyes me warily.

When Edward smiles gleefully at the proffered number, her stare morphs into unadulterated envy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh, Jessica. Always on the outside looking in. 1 LRR + 1 KEA today..._


	41. Chapter 41

==8 **41 **8==

"Well, Miss _Swan_…" Ah, he's checked out my name as well, "it has truly been a pleasure to meet you."

"Likewise, Mr….?"

"Cullen."

Edward Cullen. Mmmmmmmmmm.

"Mr. Cullen, you certainly made my first day at Mystique memorable."

Just then, Godzilla strolls back in the front door and looks at Edward appreciatively.

"That's a great cut, Bella," she says almost begrudgingly.

"Yeah, well, once I talked him out of shaving his head, we were all good."

Her eyeballs bug out before she picks up on the joke.

"Okay, Bella, see you soon," he says.

"Oh, did he rebook?" Angela asks brightly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_"REBOOK?" Is that what the kids are calling it today? Slide right into 42..._


	42. Chapter 42

==8 **42 **8==

"Um…yeah," I answer vaguely, catching Edward's parting wink before he disappears into the hustle and bustle of the health club.

"You know, Bella, here at Mystique, you don't need to shampoo your own clients. It's one of the privileges of being a stylist."

"Thanks, Angela. But I really didn't mind this time."

She smiles kindly, for the first time since I've met her. "I suggest you smooth things over with Esme by giving her some of your tip."

I'm kind of blown away by her surprisingly reasonable response. "Will do," I promise.

"Good. Your next client is waiting for you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Yes, she has to get back to work after that! I know life is cruel!_


	43. Chapter 43

==8 **43 **8==

I peer into to the waiting area and there's an elderly gentleman who's 90% bald and 10% comb-over. He looks eagerly in my direction, and I give my best "professional" smile.

No way I'm washing this one; better make nice with Esmerelda.

I dip my hand into my pocket and pull up a twenty. Classy tip on a $60 haircut, even factoring in the shampoo.

Alice bounces over to the desk while Jessica breaks my twenty. "How was Head Three?"

"Nice hair." I grin.

"So I noticed," she punches my arm, "…while you were 'conditioning' him."

I shrug.

Sue me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Double dip today..._


	44. Chapter 44

==8 **44 **8==

"Here's your cut on the last one," I say to a surprised Esmerelda, handing her $5. "And the next one is all yours."

I retrieve Head Four. "Aro, why don't you follow me?"

Our conference takes all of five seconds; there are fewer than twenty hairs in question. I plant him with Esme just as my phone buzzes.

I lock myself in the bathroom and open his text.

_Bella, are you free this Friday night? –Edward_

_E- Yes, off work at 6. ~B_

And not due in till noon on Saturday!

_Great! I'll call you Thurs to firm up plans._

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Leaving the last chapter for tomorrow!_ **~BOH**


	45. Chapter 45

==8 **45 **8==

As I store his number in my contacts—under Edward Yummyhair Cullen—my only regret is that I didn't think to take a picture of him.

_Hmmm, maybe Friday…_

_Rocking that 5:00 shadow…_

_Doing that jaw hinge thing in the mirror…_

_After he's run his fingers through his wild mop a few hundred times…_

_And those sweet bowed lips are rosy and plump after treating me to a taste or two or a thousand…_

I tuck Edward safely away and splash my overheated face with cool water.

I'm starting to think this new job won't be so boring after all.

* * *

><p>==8 <strong>INTERMISSION <strong>8==

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Stay tuned in the New Year...__Hairward is going to tell the story from chapter 46 forward...but not until his hair grows back a bit. _

_Thanks for all the love and daily check-ins! _I hope this tasty little morsel effectively tided you over for the posting of Slippery Slope Chapter 3 __**tomorrow**__**. **You better re-read 1 and 2 so you can find them on the mountain!__

**WISHING ALL OF YOU A SAFE AND FESTIVE NEW YEAR'S EVE! **_ KEA_ and _Slippery Slope_ post tomorrow! ~BOH


	46. Chapter 46

|- **46 **-|

_**Six weeks later…**_

Five steps forward, a panicked 180-degree turn, three steps in retreat. Turn. Repeat.

This was a colossally terrible idea. Why on earth did I let Rose, Emmett and Jasper bully me into coming back here today?

It's not about the hair this time. Not about biblical vipers sapping the super strength or sexual mojo from the hero of the story.

In fact, if there's a villain here, it would be me.

Not sure whether she'll even see me just because my name happens to be in the system, I take a deep breath and push inside Mystique.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** We're baaaaack! And what the heck happened in those six weeks? _Hmmmm_. And you sharp ladies must've noticed the scissors have turned into something else. Now what the heck is that? What does our Hairward do for a living? (Good luck with that!)

_I can't pull off a daily posting schedule with this one right now, but I'll do my best to post several times a week. Thank you all for your loyalty to this quirky little guy! _ xx ~BOH


	47. Chapter 47

|- **47 **-|

Bella Swan  
><em>Stylist<em>

I flex the card gently between my thumb and forefinger, the heel of my hand propped up against the steering wheel.

By all rights, it should read 'Bella Swan—_Flirt'_.

Flipping the card, I grin at her number staring back at me, along with the cheeky wink smiley she drew in text speak.

My fingers reflexively start through the hair at my forehead before snapping away at the unexpected encounter with hardened gel.

I glance into the rear-view mirror and can't help a relieved smile. If I'm honest with myself, I'm beyond relieved; I look downright hot.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: Hopefully you figured out that we've now popped back to where we left off with BPOV: Post Mystique visit #1, Hairward on top of the world with his awesome new 'cut and muss' as well as a certain phone number in his hand!

A brief history of _LRR_ and some acknowledgments: I wasn't planning on writing **any** EPOV for this story. _LRR_ was a little character sketch/crazy fantasy that hit the kink factory during a random visit to the hair salon. My first attempt at an all-BPOV, and I was DONE, thank you very much! The inimitable **Trip** pre-read, critiqued, approved, and off I went..._although,_ there was this little French voice named **Alterite** whose pre-read comment was, "The story is "sweet and nice, _but_..." And then, those little devils **Kitkat** and **Yummy** got their hooks into the realization around chapter 38 that unless B and E were 'headed to the sauna together,' there wasn't actually any smut in the story-GASP! That didn't sit well (I grossly understate the situation; let's just say, I was persuaded.) So, okay, I set out to write a perfectly fluffy EPOV with a smattering of smutty goodness. BUT THEN, my super wizard plot coach **Beans827 **chats with me for two hours one day (see what happens when you offer to help?) and we hatched this little twisty plan. And last but never least, there's **jenjiveg**, who takes such great pleasure in whipping me-oops, I mean my words-into shape (though the final product is mine-I often like to surprise her on game day with my interpretations of her advice!)

May I also say I'm having a BLAST reading through your guesses about what that symbol around the chapter number represents! My favorites: line dance, judge's gavel, T-square, pianos, bowtie (somebody reading _KEA_?), barbells, and probably the funniest-squeegee! No, Edward is not a window washer, **shehazi**! Thanks for playing, everyone. God I love you guys.

And since the A/N is already 4 times as long as the chapter, I'm kind of dying to add that **Midnight Cougar** has just written the loveliest rec for _Slippery Slope_ for this week's **Rob Attack FanFiction Friday.** _RA_ is a fantastic, creative, fun-loving site all week long, so stop by and look around! Leave some love for the Cougar if you go!  
><strong> robattack . wordpress . com2012/01/20/fanfiction-fridays-recs-for-jan-2012/**

Does this chapter still count as a drabble at 569 words? xxx **~BOH**


	48. Chapter 48

|- **48 **-|

Emmett will mock me mercilessly for not waiting. If he had any appreciation for my level of sexual tension after two hours of relentless teasing, he'd be impressed that I didn't drag Bella into the back room and pin her against the wall with my hips.

Jesus, it's hot in here. I start the engine and slide down my window.

That damn wink taunts me. I wait exactly twenty seconds before typing in her number.

_Bella, are you free this Friday night? –Edward_

She's already accepted in theory; my fingers shouldn't be shaking over the keys. And yet they do.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: **Guess of the Day Award** to **CullensTwiMistress** (not for getting it right, just for creativity!) for guessing the picture is a tape measure (DAMN, that is so CLEVER!). This unfortunately led her to the errant conclusion that he manages a Subway- you know how they have those tape measures under the buns? Tennis net, car tires, football uprights, hockey goal, race car track, (thank you, mr. h), the game PONG from the 70's, and a bed (which led to the conclusion that he's a porn star!) XXX **~BOH **


	49. Chapter 49

|- **49 **-|

I poke my head into Jasper's office. "Anything left over from lunch?"

"Sure, there's a ham and cheese baguette in the fridge for you." He doesn't look up from his number-crunching. "You were gone two hours and didn't eat lunch?"

"No." I attempt to break it to him gently, but there's just no easy reveal. "I…got my hair cut."

Jasper's panicked face snaps to my head, and he stands up so fast his chair clatters to the floor. "ROSE! GET IN HERE NOW!"

"Oh, brother," I lament.

Rosalie rounds the corner, hugging the doorframe, out of breath. "Oh. My. God."


	50. Chapter 50

|- **50 **-|

"You went to see Desiree," Jasper says with a self-satisfied grin.

"Ugh, you know how I feel about those hoity-toity salons in the city. Plus, I can't be bothered to make an appointment and… they take walk-ins at my gym."

Jasper turns up his nose. "You got your hair cut _at the gym_?"

"When did you become a snob?" I scowl.

"Are you attempting to trigger the Post-Traumatic-Haircut-Disorder that followed your last visit to a cut-rate salon?"

"Do I look less than emotionally robust to you?"

"Quite the contrary." Rose crosses her arms and smiles widely. "You are positively beaming."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: So there you have it-why his co-workers hit DefCon 5 in the last chapter! _One mystery solved, three to go_...

As for that symbol and his occupation, here were some fun guesses: Pole vault, abacus (accountant), candlesticks (candlestick maker), plasterer's trowel (I looked it up!), drumsticks, race track (driver), sideburns (SIDEBURNS MODEL!), crutches (PT), speaker's podium (politician), priest's collar (yikes, no!)

There's a pretty big hint coming in chapter 51! Thanks for staying tuned and being such good sports! XXX** ~BOH**


	51. Chapter 51

|- **51 **-|

"Well, thank you, Rose," I say, followed by a scathing glare at Jasper. "Actually, I need your help. I have a date with my stylist Friday night and no idea where to take her."

"Date? Stylist? Friday?" Jasper echoes like a deranged parrot.

"Hey, that's great," Rose says warmly—an unusual temperature for Rose. "What's she like?"

I sink into the leather captain's armchair, appreciative of the extra springs Emmett insisted we add to the design. It's been one of our best sellers over the years.

I resist fingering my hair again, but can't help the deep sigh.

"She's young."


	52. Chapter 52

|- **52 **-|

"How young?" Rose's eyes narrow.

"Down, sis!" Jasper scolds. "Edward's got a _date_."

"Easy, you two," I soothe. "She's not _that_ young, okay? Guessing mid-twenties."

"Big damn deal," Rose chastises me. "So you've got…what?...seven, eight years on her?"

"She seems like the kind of girl who likes to have fun. I don't want her to feel like she's out with an old fuddy-duddy."

Jasper snorts.

"Dammit, Jas, are you gonna help, or do I have to go down to the workshop and ask Emmett for advice?"

"All right, I got this, just relax," Jasper says, righting his leather executive chair.


	53. Chapter 53

|- **53 **-|

Rose moves around and leans on the edge of the double-pedestal desk. Too ornate for the commercial market, the Heritage is still a decent producer through our high-end showroom. Maybe a slight change of hardware and a deeper drawer…

"You'll have to take her dancing." Rose's blunt declaration snaps me out of my furniture redesign musings. Occupational hazard.

"Rose," Jas says, drawing her attention by shaking his head madly side to side and mouthing _NO._

"Dude, I can totally see you," I remind him.

"He'll be fine," Rose answers him, keeping her eyes on me. "Edward's got his groove back."


	54. Chapter 54

|- **54 **-|

"Is it true?"

I twist around in my chair to the voice in the doorway. There stands my shop foreman, aka baby brother Emmett, goggles pushed back in his hair, pencil tucked behind his ear, a set of dog-eared rolled up drawings in his beefy hand.

And a huge smile on his face.

"What are you doing up here, Em?" Rose asks, manager to employee.

"I had a question on this leg taper and needed to meet with the designer."

He takes three steps before knocking knees with me.

"I wasn't sure I'd ever see this guy again," he grins.


	55. Chapter 55

|- **55 **-|

"What's the question, Emmett?" I hold my hand out for the drawing.

He stares dumbly, shaking those dimples side to side. "You're cured! No more Curse of Lizzie Borden sucking out your mojo, draining you of your manhood, sapping—"

"For Christ's sake, Emmett. Ask Edward your question already," Rose prods.

"Sure, baby. Sorry, sorry."

"I asked you not to call me that at work," she says through gritted teeth.

"Sorry, _boss_," Emmett says, shoving Jasper's spreadsheets aside and rolling out the drawing along the smooth mahogany top. I stand, focusing on the spot where he's pointing his pencil tip.


	56. Chapter 56

|- **56 **-|

"Oh, and Emmett?" Rosalie says, "Edward needs a refresher on his dance moves before Friday."

"What's Friday?"

"He has a date with his hair cut girl," Jas supplies.

"ALREADY? Jeez, what'd you do, call her the second you got back here?"

"Actually, I texted her from the parking lot." I brace myself for his ridicule.

Emmett tucks the revised drawing under his arm, pulls down his goggles and claps me firmly on my shoulder. "Welcome back, bro."

At the doorway, he turns back. "I'd _strongly_ recommend against taking her dancing Friday. Start from a position of confidence and build up."


	57. Chapter 57

|- **57 **-|

"Pietro's it is. So, while I still have you two here, how do our numbers look?"

Jasper reports first. "Last quarter wasn't our best, but we're starting to see an uptick."

Rose nods in agreement. "I had a productive meeting this morning with a new client who just _loooooves _the Morgan dining set, but wants you to rework the pedestal and add more distressing…should be an easy refab."

"And Production?"

Rose answers proudly, "Fabrication costs are contained, there's a steady flow in the pipeline, and our safety record is still intact."

"A kid named Carlisle inquired about interning for us."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Who thinks this kid Carlisle might need a SHAMPOO? _


	58. Chapter 58

|- **58 **-|

"Bring him in for an interview, Jas. If he's half good, I'll train him. Rose's demands are starting to outstrip my supply."

"Ha!" she answers, "Now you know how Emmett feels!"

"Don't want to hear about my brother's sexual inadequacies, thanks."

"Fine, I have another appointment. Ciao, boys."

"So!" Jasper socks me in the arm. "Tell me more about this miracle girl."

"She has a piercing…in her _belly_…it was so fucking sexy!"

"She _showed_ you her belly?"

"Of course not! Her blouse kind of opened up when she leaned over to wash my hair."

"She _washed_ your hair?"

"Yeah. So?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _NO, Emmett is NOT sexually inadequate in any way, shape or form! XX ~BOH_


	59. Chapter 59

|- **59 **-|

"Dude, stylists _never_ wash hair. They have people for that."

"Hunh. Well, she really seemed to know what she was doing with that neck massage."

"Neck massage? Fuuuuuuck. This girl is so into you!"

"I think it's a hair thing," I shrug.

"Yeah. You got a great cut AND a date."

I can always tell when Jasper's wheels are turning. "What?"

He shakes off his thought, mostly. "I can't help but wonder what she could do with _my_ head."

My fist meets his bicep before I can squelch the impulse.

"You keep your head away from my girl, Jasper Whitlock."


	60. Chapter 60

|- **60 **-|

"Okay, okay." He eyes me warily while rubbing his arm. "Fucking temperamental artists," he mutters under his breath. "Was there another hot young talented hair stylist with belly jewelry?"

"How the hell should I know? I went to get a haircut, not a prom date."

He snorts. "Sometimes I wish your uncanny powers of observation extended beyond furniture curves, my friend. Could you just ask her if she might recommend a good stylist next time you see her?"

I smirk. "So much for Desiree."

"Hey," he argues. "I'm always open to new ideas."

"Here's an idea: Get back to work."


	61. Chapter 61

|- **61 **-|

The smell of burning corn bread wafts over to my spot on the Pisa lounger.

"Fuck," I cry, kicking down the footrest and running into the kitchen, socks aiding my hasty slide to prevent an inferno.

A stream of black smoke escapes from the oven door, and when I open it to investigate, a huge cloud rolls over me and immediately infiltrates the smoke detector. Amidst the wailing, I grab the oven mitts and yank the pan of burnt cinders from the rack, tossing it into the sink and dousing it with cold water.

"No emergency," I assure Alarm Central.


	62. Chapter 62

|- **62 **-|

Unless, of course, you consider being dangerously distracted an emergency.

I've always loved the discipline of cooking. After a long day at the drafting table, nothing provides me a better release than following someone else's detailed instructions.

Well, _almost_ nothing.

If I hadn't been contemplating that _other_ release—with a certain sexy stylist—I probably would've remembered to add the flour to my dry ingredients.

Forcing the smoke toward the open windows in a maniacal dance involving two huge cookie sheets, I thank Christ my co-workers can't see me right now.

Especially the huge fucking grin plastered across my face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _A note regarding yesterday's leap in time- Sorry for the confusing fast forward to Edward preparing his dinner. In the drabble format, it's sometimes hard to manage time! You should always be able to tell whose POV we're reading by the symbol around the chapter number (until I make a mistake, that is!). _

_And one more fun fact- I thought I "invented" the Pisa lounger (it leans, get it?) but apparently there are actual furniture designers who also have a warped sense of humor. Go figure! And as Soph Drea pointed out yesterday, there is actually a beauty salon chair by the same name! I love a happy coincidence, and thanks for enlightening me! _**XXX ~BOH**


	63. Chapter 63

|- **63 **-|

Plopping onto the Cortona love seat, I channel surf while swallowing forkfuls of the edible portion of dinner. Animal Planet, Discovery, Lifetime…_ugh_, not while I'm digesting.

Holy Australian bitches from hell…what is _this_?

"I'm Morgana, und Uy'm taking eye-vuh."

I am riveted to the screen as this evil blonde "expert" marches in and reduces everyone in the hair salon to tears with her "helpful suggestions".

My enchilada barely registers as I watch with horror. Incredibly, one stylist after another submits herself for abuse. Bella's comments about her boss flood back. I feel chilled imagining her working for such a woman.


	64. Chapter 64

|- **64 **-|

Lying in my king-sized King Louis XVI-style bed sans rosettes (not an embellishment fan), I'm clearly distracted. This is my head space for design, but there's a certain brunette who's invaded my mental workshop, and it seems she's here to stay.

Closing my eyes, I allow my thoughts to drift to the slip of lace thong peeking out the top of her very low pants, her ripe young tits bursting past the opening of her top, and that damn silver tease of a dangle drawing my attention to the firm expanse of secret skin.

The bed creaks with my release.


	65. Chapter 65

|- **65 **-|

I am woefully out of practice, but she's expecting my call.

Her easy, inviting, "Hey!" gives me confidence to press on.

"Hi, Bella. It's Edward…Cullen…remember me?"

Her tinkling giggle makes me blush so furiously I'm positive she can see it.

"Hmmm, let me see. Aren't you the guy who makes grown women weep?"

I snort before I have a chance to move the phone from my mouth. "Not _me_, my _hair_."

"Ah yes, the 'tidy muss'. It's all coming back to me now…prince of a boss, 2 o'clock shadow, couldn't wait to see me again…have I got the right guy?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Timeline: He promised to call her Thursday to 'firm up' plans for Friday. And Furnitureward is a man of his word!

_Thanks for your patience with this wonderful site we love to hate! I'm grateful FF is up and running again, but the late posting yesterday has me a bit behind in reviews. I've opted to stay on my daily posting schedule anyway. Forgive me if I haven't gotten to your chapter 63 or 64 review?_ **XXX ~BOH**


	66. Chapter 66

|- **66**-|

So, Bella's replayed our conversation as many times as I have! She drains away my tension without laying a hand on me this time.

"Yep, I'm that guy. We're still on for tomorrow night, right?"

_Shit_. Why did I phrase that like a question she could wriggle out of when I'd already sealed the deal?

"Unless you've changed your mind…" she answers tentatively.

Jesus Horatio Christ! "No, Bella." I shake my head violently. "No way."

"Phew! I thought maybe you decided you hated your haircut and I was the second coming of Delilah!"

"You are the _farthest_ thing from Delilah!"


	67. Chapter 67

|- **67 **-|

"Well, that's a relief! I already bought a new outfit."

_Fuck. Me_. My mind immediately conjures an even clingier top and ass-hugging-er pair of pants than her "uniform". My pajama pants rise in appreciation.

"How do you feel about Italian food?" I ask.

"I'm strongly in favor of it," she deadpans. "But I have a special request."

I brace myself. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Go easy on the razor tomorrow morning?"

Her flirting emboldens me. "I don't know, Bella. You were pretty out of control with my normal work day scruff. You sure you can handle a full day's growth?"


	68. Chapter 68

|- **68 **-|

"Hmmm…_handle_ it? That sounds…promising."

I literally bite my tongue to avoid giving her a whole mess of ideas about other body parts she might handle, but that doesn't keep the ideas from implanting themselves like tiny time bombs in my head.

"Alrighty then. I'll pick you up at 7?"

"Sure, I'll text you my address."

"See you tomorrow, Bella."

"Looking forward to it."

My phone chirps and her address appears, alongside a smiley wink.

As I add the information to her contact entry, a very happy realization takes hold: Bella Swan bought a new outfit.

To go out with _me_!


	69. Chapter 69

|- **69 **-|

"Bro, what happened to the sex hair?"

"I washed it this morning," I answer miserably. I've looked in the mirror; I'm aware it's gone.

"Well did you reapply your product?"

"What the fuck are you talking about, Emmett?"

He chuckles into his cheeseburger and shakes his head. "Don't worry, I'm sure your girlfriend won't mind running her fingers through your hair again."

"Em, I can't show up looking like this." I push away my plate, appetite completely killed.

"All right," he says with un-Emmettlike seriousness. Suddenly, he stands. "Pay up and let's get outta here. We've got work to do."


	70. Chapter 70

|- **70 **-|

"Dude, can you please stop making that awful face? Remember when Mom used to say, _'It's gonna freeze like that'_? I think that actually _happened_ to you."

I can't help but cringe watching his thick, rough hands glop hair gel inexpertly all over my head.

"It's all clumpy," I whine, struggling to separate one particularly large tumor of glued-together hair before it becomes permanent.

"Where's the trust?" he complains, slapping my hands out of the way.

It's a miracle when I emerge from the bathroom looking passable.

The three send me off with catcalls, exaggerated winks, and last minute advice.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: I have to ask for your forgiveness once again, as I was unable to log in and answer reviews. I hope you liked this E/E moment!


	71. Chapter 71

|- **71 **-|

"Well _hello_, Head Three. I'm Alice."

Huh? Before I can respond, Bella squeezes in. "Alice, meet _Edward_." She shoots her roommate a classic _get-the-fuck-outta-here_ glare.

"Nice to meet you, Alice."

Alice shakes my offered hand. "You style that yourself, or cheating on my girl already?"

_Wow_, okay. If Bella is forward, _this_ one is offsides and halfway down the field. My fingers fly anxiously to my hair, and immediately they're repelled by the crusty shell.

This new me is going to take some getting used to. If the reward is my very scantily clad date, I'm willing to exert myself

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _See? I can take a hint! They're actually going to be ON THEIR DATE in the next chapter! (only 25 chapters of buildup- not bad for the punkin'!_ XXX ~BOH


	72. Chapter 72

|- **72**-|

"Sorry about that," Bella mumbles as I open the car door for her.

"No worries," I reassure her. "I'll take it as a compliment."

I should probably avert my eyes as her long left leg reaches for the floor, leaving her open thighs out here, with me. And I definitely shouldn't take advantage of my angle to peruse the creamy flesh spilling over the low-lying neckline of her tank top.

If I had behaved like a gentleman, maybe I wouldn't have had to pause behind my car to adjust myself.

That'll teach me.

"So…who _did_ style you?" she asks curiously.


	73. Chapter 73

|- **73 **-|

"Do we _have_ to talk about this?" I deflect, causing her to smile mischievously.

"Well, yeah. _Now_, we do."

_Deep breath, Edward_. Pushing the words out with my used air, I confess. "My little brother."

She pivots in her seat, drawing up her left knee and her tiny skirt in the process. Her eyes glint with undeniable curiosity. "Seriously? A brother? Does he look like you?"

I snort, and immediately wish I could take it back, but she just giggles. "Uh…_no_. He's got dark straight hair and about sixty more pounds of muscle on him."

"Mmmm," she moans.

"He's taken."


	74. Chapter 74

|- **74 **-|

Well that certainly came out harsher than I meant. What the hell is it about this girl that makes me go all _Clan of the Cave Bear_ every time another man is mentioned? Maybe that salon chair was a time machine that sent me back to prehistory. Yes, judging by my cock, I'm living in the Stone Age.

"Good thing _he's_ not the guy who invited me out to dinner then," she replies.

"Yeah. Trust me, you do not want to rattle Rosalie's cage."

"Girlfriend?"

"Wife."

"So…what time is our reservation?" Her eyes drift to the ignition button.

"Right. Dinner."


	75. Chapter 75

|- **75 **-|

"This place is so great, Edward."

I hum my agreement around my glass of Brunello, luxuriating in the elegant woodsy odor and hint of vanilla. "Do you like the wine?"

"Sure," she says airily. "But then again, I'm good with a bottle of Yellow Tail Chardonnay at a dollar twenty-nine per glass."

"Ah…a true connoisseur."

"Nah, I'm easy," she smiles brilliantly.

_Thhhhank you_, answers my swollen cock.

She twirls several strands of linguini around her fork. "Are you one of those _Wine Spectator_ guys?"

I'm mesmerized by the tail end of the noodles fluttering as they disappear between her lips.


	76. Chapter 76

|- **76 **-|

_She asked you a question!_

"Never read it."

"So how do you know what's good?" She lifts her wine from below, sliding the stem between two fingers and cupping the garnet liquid with her palm. The "_Wine Spectator_ guys" would worry about the wine's response to Bella's body heat, but I certainly wouldn't complain to be held in the palm of her warm hand.

"I just know a few that I like, from being around other people who care about it way more than I do. And this," I indicate my glass, "I discovered on a memorable trip to Montalcino."


	77. Chapter 77

|- **77**-|

"Wow. I've never been to Tuscany. Is it as romantic as everyone says?"

My eyes drift away for a second, lost in the Sangiovese vineyards and sunflower fields. "Depends who you take with you."

"And?" she asks, her eyes alight with interest.

I think I'm blushing. Must be the wine. She can't possibly want to hear this, can she?

"Isn't it kind of bad manners to talk about past…_the_ _past_…on a first date?"

"Not if the person asks. Then it's rude _not_ to."

"You have some pretty crazy rules there, Bella Swan."

"I'll take that as a compliment, Edward Cullen."


	78. Chapter 78

_"You have some pretty crazy rules there, Bella Swan."_

_"I'll take that as a compliment, Edward Cullen."_

* * *

><p>|- <strong>78 <strong>-|

"Now why would you go and do _that_?" I ask, grinning ear to ear, and not just because the subject of girlfriends past has been set aside.

"Because I think you needed a little shaking up, and you know that I'm just the girl for the job," she concludes with a self-satisfied smile.

"Yes, you certainly are a shaker-upper."

Her eyes lift to my hair. "And how's it going…living _mussed_?"

"So far, so good," I answer.

"Girls randomly jumping you in the street?"

"Not yet."

_Sheesh_, listen to me. Mr. Confidence. _Cocky_, almost. And she's right. It's all her doing.


	79. Chapter 79

|- **79 **-|

"Can I assume then that you haven't had any reduction in… _vitality_ since I clipped you?"

"I'd say quite the opposite," I answer, vividly recalling my latest Bella-induced session this morning in the shower.

"Well, good. I'm really glad you happened upon my chair so that I could unblock your chakras and release your spiritual energy."

"My chakras?"

That sounds dirty.

I hope that's dirty.

She waves her hand dismissively. "I'm just messing with you. I don't know a damn thing about that stuff."

"Well, you certainly know how to give a guy a neck massage he'll not soon forget."


	80. Chapter 80

|- **80 **-|

"That wasn't exactly standard salon operating procedure," she admits sheepishly.

"Yet clearly you've received training."

She nods, "Part of the Cosmetology Customer Care Curriculum."

"Say that five times fast," I grin.

She sighs and offers, "I love being able to make people feel good, but at Mystique, the stylists aren't supposed to shampoo…let alone, _condition, _for ten minutes."

My chest puffs up with gratitude and pride to hear Bella admit that she blatantly disregarded "standard salon procedure" to dote on me.

"Really?" I press. "You broke the rules on Day One? Pretty bold there, Bella."

"You seemed worth the risk."


	81. Chapter 81

|- **81 **-|

"Well, I certainly appreciated your efforts on my behalf. I can't remember ever being worked into such a lather before."

"Oh that? It's the Mystique shampoo."

I snort. "I wasn't talking about my hair, Bella."

"Oh." She accepts my compliment graciously with a sweet smile. It must be the wine that causes me to elaborate.

"You have to know you have amazing hands, Bella."

Suddenly, all I can think about is feeling those hands everywhere.

"Yeah, how'd you like the part where I scorched your scalp?" she cringes.

I chuckle. "God, you were frantic! It was just a little windburn."


	82. Chapter 82

|- **82 **-|

"Not my finest moment," she laments. "I promise, I'm not into inflicting pain."

"Good, because I'm not into receiving it."

"Well, I think it's really important we've had this little chat right up front. What else would you like to tell me about yourself?"

I lift my wine and take a pull while regarding her eager, open expression. "What would you like to know?"

"Hmmm. Let's start with something easy. What kind of work do you do?"

"Care to venture a guess?"

"Sure," she grins, cocking her head and evaluating me.

"You're way too modest to be a model."

"Pfffffff!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** That c-o-c-k up there does NOT count, Amber! Edward...a model! HOW PREPOSTEROUS!

I wanted to stretch out their conversation a bit, but didn't think it was fair to make you all wait five days to get to the end of this one, so I'm posting the whole guessing game today. Here come 4 more…feel free to hold your review till 86! **XXX ~BOH**


	83. Chapter 83

|- **83 **-|

"And you're the boss of _something_…but what?"

"Want a hint?"

"No. I'm a hairdresser, remember? We have a sixth sense. Just let me work it out here…"

I sit back and cross my arms, thoroughly enjoying her playful spirit.

"With hands like those, you could be a software engineer. Nah, you would've been wearing jeans and a faded concert tee the other day. Let's see, stock broker, accountant, lawyer? I just don't see that for you.

"I don't think a musician would refer to himself as somebody's boss, except maybe in an academic setting. Musician AND teacher? That'd be hot."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Tried to work in a lot of your guesses here…


	84. Chapter 84

|- **84 **-|

"Is that your final answer?" I'm starting to fear she might be disappointed when she finds out the truth, now that she's jumped to other conclusions.

"No, Regis, hang on. Maybe you own a restaurant? That would be so cool! But wait, wouldn't you have brought me _there_ on our first date? Of course you would."

I struggle to keep a blank expression, but I have no poker face. She knows she hasn't hit on it yet.

"You have an athlete's body, but you weren't dressed like you came from a playing field or the gym…maybe you're a team manager?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Two more...


	85. Chapter 85

|- **85 **-|

"Art gallery director…no, wait…_you're_ the creative one, aren't you?"

Damn my lip for quivering just then. Her new discovery animates her entire being: she leans forward, presses her palms against the table, and smiles gleefully.

"Some kind of artist…I _love_ it! But a boss, too. Hmmm…I could definitely see you as an architect…"

I know she's baiting me, reading my every twitch. I cover my overly expressive mouth with one hand, but apparently, I'm already too late.

Suddenly, she lifts both hands and slams them back down forcefully on the table, rattling silverware, glasses and me.

"I've GOT it!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **Yeah, architect was a really good guess but then how could Emmett be in charge of the workshop? Hang on…one more!


	86. Chapter 86

|- **86 **-|

"You design furniture _and_ …you own the business."

My hand falls away and my jaw goes slack.

She grins broadly, revealing several tiny yellow tail feathers that must have lodged themselves between her teeth as she smugly swallowed down this particular canary.

"How did you…?"

She smiles at my bewilderment over her uncanny divining skills.

"Impressive, eh?"

"To put it mildly." More like, freakish.

"And your business received an average rating of 4.5 stars on Yelp."

"Why, you little…_Googler_!" I fold my arms across my chest and narrow my eyes in mock accusation.

She giggles and claps her hands delightedly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Well, of COURSE she Googled him! Okay, game over... that's it for today! **XXX ~BOH**


	87. Chapter 87

|- **87 **-|

"You're not really mad, are you?"

"That depends…what _else_ did you find out?"

"Oh, let's see. You're not a Registered Sex Offender, your workshop is about three blocks from where I grew up, and your King Louis XVI-style bed is your flagship piece, made famous by the slogan, 'If you don't know our bed's the best…"

"Sleep on it," we finish together.

"I can't decide if I'm flattered or creeped out that you researched me."

"Don't worry," she assures me, "I only read the free stuff!"

"Great…a _cheap_ stalker!" I roar with laughter.

"Not everyone tips like you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Today, two. See you after 88? **XXX ~BOH**


	88. Chapter 88

|- **88 **-|

"I put myself through design school on tips; I understand how much that extra dollar can mean."

"Right. It's not much to the person giving it, but that little bonus that sends the tip over the 20% mark just feels so great! Like this person really wants you to know he appreciated the extraordinary service you provided."

"That I did. And I made sure to ask you out _before_ I tipped you so you wouldn't think I was trying to bribe you."

She giggle-snorts and quickly recovers. "No offense, Edward, but $20 isn't going to buy you any sexual favors."


	89. Chapter 89

_"No offense, Edward, but $20 isn't going to buy you any sexual favors."_

* * *

><p>|- <strong>89 <strong>-|

"Damn inflation," I lament, shaking my head.

"Besides," she continues, "I gave five to Esme for stealing your head."

"Who's Esme?"

"Our shampoo girl. Her parents left her behind when they came to the states from Brazil. She was raised by her grandparents until she finished high school and Esme's parents were finally able to send for her. She puts in a solid ten hour day of back-breaking work at the salon and then takes her ESL class at night."

"Hmm, does she give a good massage?" I look askance.

"Maybe I'll just let you find out next time, Buster!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** One more today...


	90. Chapter 90

|- **90 **-|

Her adorable indignation makes me smile. "No, don't, please," I implore, reaching out to trap her hand as she pulls away.

She regards our stacked hands on the tabletop and flips her palm up to meet mine. Sliding the smooth pads of her fingertips along my hand, she reminds me exactly how her touch affects me, and how grateful I was for the plastic cloak that shrouded my response at the shampoo sink.

She curls her fingertips around the tender pads of flesh that separate my fingers and we sit and grin at each other like two big, happy goofballs.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Ahhhh. Happy goofballs holding hands. :)

_SLIPPERY SLOPE_ is up for **Fic of the Month at TLS.** To vote, go to **tehlemonadestand at blogspot dot com** and click on Fic of the Month. The kwik survey link shows at the top of the list. You only get one vote this time! Thanks again for all your support for my Skiward and Socialworkerella!

**XXX ~BOH**


	91. Chapter 91

|- **91 **-|

She lifts a mini zeppola from the plate between us, confectioners' sugar floating to her fingers. "Am I supposed to put this whole ball in my mouth all at once?" she asks with a devilish smile.

Ignoring the twitch in my trousers, I answer, "You better. Otherwise, the custard will squirt out and things could get very ugly."

She giggles, doughnut poised over her open mouth. "Shit, don't make me laugh. I could choke."

"Death by zeppola," I quip, taking one for myself.

"Here goes nothing!" she says, setting the treat onto her tongue and closing her lips around it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Death by zeppola continues..._


	92. Chapter 92

|- **92 **-|

Her eyes open wide as the custard releases inside her mouth. "Mmmmmm," she moans loudly. I pray she doesn't hear me whimper when her tongue swipes along her upper lip, capturing flyaway sugar molecules.

She licks her fingers clean, and I regard each digit with extreme envy.

"Aren't you gonna eat that?" she asks, pointing to the doughnut held aloft between my fingers.

_HUH?_

"Oh…yeah." I pop the whole thing into my mouth without ceremony, but I do have to close my eyes and moan when the warm pastry hits my tongue.

"Hmmm," she puzzles. "Should we split that one?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Hmmm...should they? Read on...ONE MORE TODAY._


	93. Chapter 93

|- **93 **-|

I can't help my huge smirk as I ask, "How in the heck are we gonna manage that?" Because what I'm imagining involves two sets of lips in very close proximity.

"Well, I suppose I could cut it in half," she offers, clearly indicating her disdain for that choice. "Or…"

There's that devilish grin I'm starting to really fucking love. She makes her proposal, Plan B, the one that launches my spirits. "We could deal with the matter of sharing it…_outside_."

"Check, please!" I summon the waiter frantically.

She giggles, draining the last of her cappuccino.

Oops. Color me eager.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oops! We'll leave our hero right here in all his eagerness. See you tomorrow!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	94. Chapter 94

|- **94 **-|

My eyes are torn. The tight cup of her skirt sways no less provocatively than when I followed her to the table earlier. But now, pinched between her tantalizingly manicured right thumb and forefinger, is a tiny globe of dough that holds all the promise of a first kiss.

I follow as single-mindedly as the puppy trained on the tiny bite of kibble in his master's hand.

I have zero pride, and I can't bring myself to care.

Bella doesn't slow down as I reach around her to push open the heavy door, releasing us into the inviting night air.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Shall we follow them outside?_ _Maybe just one more..._ **XXX ~BOH**


	95. Chapter 95

|- **95 **-|

Her heels tap purposefully along the asphalt, while my own silent loafers follow dutifully. She heads to the darkest corner of the lot and stops abruptly. When she spins to face me, I see the flush of excitement in her face. I must look exactly the same.

She draws the doughnut to her mouth in slow motion, opening her lips and extending just the tip of her tongue toward the sweet morsel. Her free hand claws roughly at the pocket of my shirt and yanks me against her.

Crashing forward, my lips taste pastry, but true sweetness is just beyond.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Nom, nom, nom_._ I'll leave you here for today, but KEA is posting also..._

I would hereby like to apologize on behalf of FF for all the alert, review, and PM fails. Please know that I plan to continue to post at least one chapter of LRR daily until the story is told!

And those of you trying to vote for **Slippery Slope for FOTM** and getting a 'Survey Ended' message, FIRST OF ALL, I very much appreciate your efforts and I'm sorry that's happening! Here's a link that I believe WILL get you to the survey: **kwiksurveys . com/?s=LKJENK_eb770f0d **(spaces removed around the dot).Thanks so much for your perseverance! **XXX ~BOH**


	96. Chapter 96

_Crashing forward, my lips taste pastry, but true sweetness is just beyond._

* * *

><p>|- <strong>96 <strong>-|

Fuck, we're loud.

A passerby might assume someone is wounded from the intensity of our pained whimpers and moans.

Devouring the obstacle between us and licking up the custard filling are just the warm-up act. Amid gnashing teeth, greedy tongues explore and press into unknown territory for the first time.

That familiar hand cups my neck, locking me against her, while the other re-grips frenetically at my chest. I can't keep track of my own hands for shit. One seems hell-bent on making a bee-line for her ass while the other twirls and yanks at large handfuls of silky hair.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Mmmm, can't stop now! Read on..._

_Thank you, **Pyejammies**, for helping me pick out the words that needed picking out! _


	97. Chapter 97

|- **97 **-|

Eventually, her fingers relax their death grip around my shirt, my hands quiet at her lower back, and our tongues settle into a gentle, cooperative dance. My mind is completely blank, but for the points of contact between our bodies.

Toes.

Knees.

Thighs.

Hips.

Chests.

Lips.

Noses.

And ultimately, foreheads.

I'm first to break the silence, not with anything intelligent, just, "Wow."

"I know, right?" she says, breaking into a soft giggle. "You _really_ like those zeppole, huh? Maybe we should go get more."

"No, Bella." My voice is gruff and low; I hear my desperation but I press on.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Let's press on too, shall we? _


	98. Chapter 98

|- **98 **-|

"I don't need more to eat." My thumb skims down the length of hair beside her face, and the remaining knuckles drag along for the ride.

Her eyes shine up toward mine. "What _do_ you need, handsome?"

I need to get us both into that time machine and send us back to my bed, like ten minutes ago.

"Would you come home with me?"

She squints her eyes and ponders. "That depends. Do you have one of those Louis XVI-style beds? Because I was really hoping to 'sleep on it' tonight."

_Play it cool._

"It just so happens I do."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ How cool was HE? For the record, the symbol around that _98_ up there ...|-.-|...is the Louis XVI! You might be looking at it from the side or from the foot. If you Google the bed, you'll see different versions- Edward's is a four-poster!_

_I'm going to leave them right here for today...I think we've added enough heat to the universe today with these three + KEA! Happy Sunday!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	99. Chapter 99

|- **99 **-|

"Are you okay to drive?" she asks as I open her door.

"I am," I answer her searching eyes. "Plus, I live around the corner."

Her moment of serious passes quickly, and the flirt returns. "Good," she responds, buckling herself in, "because I'm not wearing any underwear, and if we got into an accident on the way home, that would just be really embarrassing."

She giggles as I let out an exasperated sigh.

"Thanks so much for telling me. Because _that_ won't distract me at all."

Parts of me are starting to feel downright ungentlemanly as I take the wheel.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _I think that's about all Hairward can handle for today!_

Chapter **100**...tomorrow! Wow, KEA 50, LRR 100, AND the one year anniversary of OUAD. Lots to celebrate in the Patch this week!

If you're not playing with us on FB, come find me at Born's Pumpkin Patch and join in! **XXX ~BOH**


	100. Chapter 100

|- **100 **-|

Our ride home would've gone a whole lot easier if my peripheral vision had been a tad less keen.

Is it _really_ necessary for her to ogle me that openly?

Or run her thumb across her lower lip as if reliving our frenzied mashing?

I force the S60R to obey the stop sign, but cannot keep my fractured focus from drifting to the passenger seat once we're halted.

Paraphrasing my own wise advice to the stylist who'd just seared my head with her dryer, Bella points to the windshield and grins.

"Just keep your eyes on the road, big boy."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Once again, **Pyejammies** hit pay dirt, reminding me about the line from chapter 33. How perfect you are, my wise reader! Thank goodness for this interactive writing process; I steal-I mean, GET-my best ideas from you guys!_

_So this NEW chapter 100 is a bonus, and since it goes along with 99, with the theme of GET THE GIRL TO THE LOUIS AS FAST AS THE VOLVO CAN, you get it today. Hope you're enjoying...next chapter, tomorrow, Chez Edward._


	101. Chapter 101

|- **101 **-|

"Can I get you some water? An after-dinner drink?"

"No, thanks," she says absently, caressing and inspecting the furniture as I lead her through the family room. "Did you design this chair?" She's pointing to the Pisa. My Man Chair.

I smile and answer, "Yes. It's really comfortable. Want to test it out?"

"After you," she offers impishly.

I sink back into my chair and force the footrest up, watching and waiting and wondering whether she was serious about not wearing anything under her short skirt.

She licks her lips as she stalks toward me. My body vibrates in anticipation.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Click NEXT!_


	102. Chapter 102

|- **102**-|

"How much weight can this hold?" she asks, poised near my feet.

"Mine, plus about three of you," I answer cockily. The sturdy frame is what sets this one apart from previous versions.

"So," she says, placing a knee next to my hip, "it won't break if I climb on, then?"

"Not hardly." My palm meets her hip, welcoming her presence over my lap. "Even if you'd eaten that entire doughnut by yourself."

She laughs appreciatively and lifts the second knee into the space between my thigh and the armrest.

"It _is_ comfy," she agrees, settling contentedly into my lap.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** "So, it won't break if I climb on, then?" ***winks*** _One more, you greedy girls..._


	103. Chapter 103

|- **103 **-|

"Well, except for this…_protrusion_, right here," she teases, grinding against my stiffened length.

My eyes roll back in my head, and I can't help but emit a helpless whimper. My hands slide around to the firm muscles rolling along my pelvis and I squeeze her ass against me. She drops her chest forward and I've suddenly got my nose halfway down her shirt. Nobody's complaining.

Inhaling deeply, I draw the fresh combination of lime and orange into the depths of my lungs.

Even with three days to fantasize, I never came close to imagining the taste of her heavenly skin.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _We'll leave the various leaning towers right here for today! In case you were wondering, Bella is wearing Jo Malone Lime Basil and Mandarin (très classy!) _**XXX ~BOH**


	104. Chapter 104

|- **104 **-|

She unbuttons my shirt impatiently, her oblivious knuckles bumping along my chest. My shirttails act as surrogate hands sliding upwards as she yanks them out from the depths of my trousers.

My straining cock is agonizingly trapped between her warm palms exploring the newly bared skin of my abdomen and her thighs straddling my own. Lust drowns out all but our points of connection; my tongue along her breast, her fingertips at my ribs, her increasingly frenzied gyrations in my lap.

One sickening creak and loud snap later, the two of us find ourselves in a heap on the floor.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Bwahahaha! This was almost as much fun as tying the knot at Pizza Pete's...I couldn't WAIT for you all to get here!_

**NEXT!**


	105. Chapter 105

|- **105 **-|

Our unexpected plummet snaps me out of my fog of arousal. Thankfully, I've cushioned her fall with my body. I can't draw a breath until she lifts her chest from my face; when she finally does a half-push-up above me, her hair falls in a curtain around her stunned expression.

"_Holy shit_, Bella! Are you okay?" My hands run frantically down her sides, checking for broken bones and helping untangle her from the twisted remains of the lounger.

She breaks out into a giggle. "Edward, you should see your face right now!"

The two of us dissolve into uncontrollable laughter.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ This is such a lovely moment. Let's leave them there for today._ **XXX ~BOH**


	106. Chapter 106

|- **106 **-|

She stands and reaches a hand to help me up. I'm not expecting that she'll have the strength to lift me, but Bella surprises me yet again.

"Wow," I say admiringly as I meet her face-to-face. "Does that job include a membership to the gym?"

"Oh, this?" She displays her bicep Mr. Universe-style. "It comes from handling the blow dryer all day."

I slide my fingers around her tightened muscle and give it a healthy squeeze. "Firm…_most_ _impressive_."

She glances down to my trousers and winks. "You know, I was just thinking the same about you, before the chair collapsed!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Kudos to **Arc Morpheus** for commenting on the AIR BAGS that broke Edward's fall! Oh, if we could only harness this creative pervalicious energy!_

_I'm away for the weekend (thank you, Mr. H!). I'll try to give you a drabble a day, but I don't think I'll get to return any reviews. I will, however, read and enjoy whatever tidbits you care to leave me...See you tomorrow!_** XXX ~BOH**


	107. Chapter 107

|- **107 **-|

"Yeah…um… I guess we pushed the Pisa a wee bit outside of its comfort zone." I regard the pathetic ruins at our feet.

"The Pisa? As in…Leaning Tower _of_?"

"I know. It was Jasper's idea."

"Little brother?"

"No, best friend and business manager. It seemed funny at the time…ugh, never mind."

Her smile widens. "No, I like whimsy."

"Nothing more whimsical than crashing to the floor during a hot lap dance."

"It _was_ pretty hot, wasn't it? Hmmm," she says playfully, "are you _positive_ your Louis Sixteen can handle me?"

"No, but I'd sure as shit like to find out!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _There's my eager boy! And why should he worry about his Louis? It's not as if the headboard's going to come crashing down around them. ;) _

_Thanks for the entertaining reviews on 106! Until tomorrow, then! _**XXX ~BOH**


	108. Chapter 108

|- **108 **-|

"Right this way, Mademoiselle," I say with an accommodating air, guiding her around splintered wood and scraps of leather. I resist the urge to skip down the hallway toward my bedroom.

"So this is it?" She wraps her hand around the nearest bedpost and slides it down along the smooth mahogany.

_ME NEXT!_ cries my cock, but fortunately only I can hear.

"It is," I answer, watching her from the doorway as she evaluates my design.

She sweeps her eyes slowly around the room, taking in the furnishings, lighting, curtains…everything.

Finally, she turns to face me. "You have fantastic taste."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _"SO THIS IS IT?"** Finally!** The Louis! Ahhhhhhh._ **XXX ~BOH**


	109. Chapter 109

|- **109 **-|

I chuckle. "Ah…you're a fan of Early Reject Eclectic? This house has become an orphanage for unwanted furniture; customized pieces where clients changed their minds, discontinued lines, overproduction leftovers, factory seconds…"

"It's the Land of Misfit Toys," she smiles. "But not in here."

"No. This room is my sanctuary. I never compromise quality when it comes to sleep."

She places her hands flat against my bare chest and lifts a flirty brow. "Sleep? Is that all you imagined us doing in here?"

"I must admit," I say, failing to contain my wide grin, "I did have more…_colorful_ plans for tonight."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Thank you all for your highly entertaining reviews, especially those that speculated about the talking cock! I'll be back home tonight so you may expect a multiple LRR tomorrow!_

_Today, KEA 51 posts and we mark the one-year anniversary of the posting of OUaD prologue! Big party in the Patch tonight at 10:30pm EST! All are invited for a group chat!_ **XXX ~BOH **


	110. Chapter 110

|- **110 **-|

I meet her waist with both hands and slip my thumbs just inside the bottom of her shirt. It thrills me that I'm mere inches from the bejeweled belly button that's taunted me since my first glimpse.

Skimming her hands up my chest, she draws my opened shirt over my shoulders and off my back. "Really? What colors did you envision?"

Far more confidently than I feel, I reply, "Flesh tones."

Grasping the hem before I lose my nerve, I tug her stretchy tank uphill. I don't mean to pause at the very top, but I really can't help it.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Thank you for giving me a little time off from review replies, and please know that I read and enjoyed every one. I'm back home now and happy to bring you multiples today!_


	111. Chapter 111

|- **111 **-|

Though it's _her_ wrists trapped inside the shirt, _I'm_ the one who's entirely captivated. I'm mesmerized by the muscular curves of her extended arms, and the landscape only improves as my gaze travels south.

Slightly disheveled hair and flushed cheeks give way to nubile tits lifted and crowded together and no longer quite contained by her scant black lacy push-up bra. Tonight's navel embellishment—a silver flower adorned with bright aqua crystals, suspended from a delicate hoop—drives me especially wild.

She watches while I drink her in.

I barely pause between flinging her shirt away and unhooking her bra.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Aaaaand, one more.._.


	112. Chapter 112

|- **112 **-|

By unspoken agreement, we alternate removing each other's clothing. She peels away my trousers, leaving me vulnerable but not without confidence. Desire courses through my veins, exciting and empowering me.

I haven't been with a woman in over four months, yet tonight, I don't have a scrap of a doubt about my virility.

My turn.

Her skirt doesn't have any fasteners; it's all stretch. I kneel at her feet and loop my fingers over the waistband. We lock lust-filled eyes just before the fabric gives way. A carefully sculpted strip of closely cropped dark hair confirms she's not wearing panties.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Okay, so now you know for sure. (No knickers, Whiti!) I'm gonna leave Edward right there overnight, the lucky sod. (Did I use that term correctly, Amber?) _**XXX ~BOH**


	113. Chapter 113

|- **113 **-|

I grip behind her thigh to steady myself as her heady scent sends me into a swoon. My nose is mere inches from the stripe that taunts me, and for the first time, her body jewelry has competition for my attention. I can't move, can't take my eyes off this spot.

She threads her fingers through my hair, giggling as it crunches in her hands.

"My idiot brother," I growl.

She tips my head up. "Forget him." She's suddenly serious. "Do you want to kiss me, Edward?"

"God yes," I answer greedily, dipping my tongue between her pink bare lips.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _There ya go, folks! I've got lots more for you today..._

_Did you know that you can open the review box on 113, put whatever you want in there, DO NOT CLICK SUBMIT, open the next chapter, and your box will be right there, ready for action? (JUST LIKE BELLA'S!) So you can still send me all that love, but all at once! Now ain't that good to know? _**XXX ~BOH**


	114. Chapter 114

|- **114 **-|

My bed welcomes Bella as I lay her down gingerly, my knees spreading open her thighs, and my mouth returning to its happy place between her folds.

"Please," she pleads, "I want you, too."

Shucking my boxers as gracefully as warp speed allows, I stretch my body out alongside hers. She caresses me reverently before slipping her mouth around me.

I watch raptly until unbearable pleasure drags down the curtains of my eyelids.

It requires a Herculean effort to focus away from the luxury of her warmth around me, but the sweet ambrosia at her core is my eternal reward.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _In case you're not paying attention, I have a serious thing for Hercules. At least the Disney version! Well, hey, I could've gone all Star Trek on you with the Warp Speed (Mr. Sulu) Let's not stop now..._


	115. Chapter 115

|- **115 **-|

In the frenzy of her thunderous orgasm, she clamps down hard. I cry out with her as my dick absorbs the vibrations of her rumbling moans and the sting of inadvertent teeth.

Awareness reclaims her, and horror follows close on its tail. She opens the Jaws of Life and I groan with both relief and frustration.

"OhShitI'mSoSorry!"

"'S'okay," I answer, bravely resisting the urge to palm myself.

I twist my face away, taking a moment to gather myself, and it's then that I hear her low tinkling laughter and feel the tremor of the mattress.

"Are you _laughing_ at me?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ I cannot leave you hanging here tonight...One more!_

_LadyV, I thought of you while writing this one. ;)_


	116. Chapter 116

"Are you _laughing_ at me?"

* * *

><p>|- <strong>116<strong>-|

I look down to make sure my balls are still attached.

"Shit, NO, Edward. I'm _embarrassed_! Jesus, I almost bit your DICK off!"

"Um…yeah, I noticed."

More giggles. "I'm _so_ sorry," she says repentantly. "But it IS kinda your fault!"

I roll to my side, propping my head up into my hand. There's a twinkle in her eye that just makes me damn proud to have rocked her world so hard she lost her mind for a second.

"Iz_zat_ right?" I grin.

"Yeah, baby," she coos, taking my aching cock in her hand. "Let me make it up to you?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Awww. Well it WAS kinda his fault for rocking her world. What do you think? Should he stick his appendage back inside the lion's mouth? ROAR! That's it for today, girls (and honey!) _**XXX ~BOH**


	117. Chapter 117

|- **117 **-|

"I don't know if I can trust you," I huff. "You are one dangerous woman, Bella Swan."

Her palm slides gently up and down my shaft, a flick of the wrist starting the next motion as we negotiate.

Slide.

Flick.

Slide.

"Give me another chance," she begs, the alluring siren drawing me to the craggy shore.

Slide.

Flick.

Slide.

If she keeps this up, there won't be anything left to discuss. "Okay," I concede, fervently hoping my cock won't suffer the same fate as the decimated Pisa.

Her eyes crinkle with delight. "Don't worry, baby. I'll be gentle with you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Please don't decimate him, Bella! _


	118. Chapter 118

|- **118 **-|

After the unresolved tension of the evening, not to mention the week, anything short of decapitation will most likely do the trick.

She shoots me a saucy smile and flops me onto my back before taking up residence between my legs, her entire being coiled and engaged in the enterprise of 'making it up to me'.

Her tongue laps gently at my tip as I eye her cautiously. Soft hands curl and stroke me right back to the edge. As she swallows my shaft, she smiles innocently, though I already know she's anything but.

"Close your eyes, Edward. _Trust_ me."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Awww, Edward, we know you have a trust issue or two...can you let it go and enjoy? Let's see, shall we?_


	119. Chapter 119

|- **119 **-|

Arms folded behind my head and eyes closed tight, I allow myself to feel.

Tight lips move along my shaft, a tongue bathes me in warmth, fingers cup, slide …_press_.

The meandering happy-go-lucky exploration seems to suddenly turn serious, a steady rhythm imposing itself under tightened grips.

I'm surprised by my own rasping breaths as she draws me out and holds me back all at the same confusing time. She pulls her mouth off long enough to say, "Come on, baby, just let go for me."

Stars swirl as my pleasure spurts in long powerful streams into her waiting mouth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _THERE! Nobody can accuse me of cutting him off mid-stream! See you tomorrow_! **XXX ~BOH**


	120. Chapter 120

|- **120 **-|

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asks, passing her tongue along her wide grin.

"Nah, it was all right," I tease, reaching out my hand and pulling her into my chest.

My thumb draws a lazy figure eight around her shoulder as we both recover. Before long, my need makes its presence known against the thigh Bella's draped over mine. She tips her eyes up to mine and flashes me the devil's grin.

I tuck her into my body and deliver her to the pile of pillows at the headboard.

"I'm gonna do this right and proper, young lady."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _*Grabs fan* Well, don't stop now! _


	121. Chapter 121

|- **121 **-|

Unconflicted now about my options, I dip my face into the valley of her firm tummy and kiss along the soft skin. Cool metal meets my nose, and my curious tongue flicks out to sample the silver flower.

"This is driving me… _fucking_… INSANE!" I growl. Bella laughs, reaching to my shoulders to pull me up her body. Her giggle becomes a gasp as I draw a nipple between my teeth and cup the other with my palm.

My lips cover hers and I steal greedy kisses.

The sweet taste of our dessert has been replaced with musk and desire.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Well, come on. That sounded a lot better than bodily fluids! _

_I'll leave them in that sweet embrace for today. Sighhhh... _**XXX ~BOH**


	122. Chapter 122

|- **122 **-|

Reaching surreptitiously into the top drawer of the Regency Nightstand, I grasp a condom and sheath myself as unobtrusively as possible.

Despite my best efforts at being suave, one glance at Bella spread out on my bed, hair wildly splayed around her on the pillows, perfect body waiting, willing…_wanting_ overwhelms me.

Bella cups my cheek. "Something wrong?"

_Everything is absolutely right_.

"No. It's just…you're so beautiful."

Her hand snakes around the back of my neck and she pulls my body atop hers, welcoming me inside. Bella crosses her ankles high on my back and rocks herself up to meet me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Pumpkin Down...poor unsuave Hairward! And now that they've "met"..._


	123. Chapter 123

|- **123 **-|

This time, she comes quietly, clasping my chest against hers and burying her face in my neck. I push up so she can draw a decent breath, but she clutches me tighter.

"I love the feel of you on top of me," she whispers. "Please stay here, Edward."

I release inside her as she breathes my name.

Hours later, she stirs. I wake to playful brown eyes and a grin.

"What?"

"We didn't break the bed."

"No," I snicker. "King Louis didn't get be-head…_boarded_."

Bella groans.

"Maybe we should try again?" I jiggle my eyebrows.

"Sure. Why not?" she giggles.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Credit for the beheading idea goes to my sweet Alterite, who enlightens me about all things French. _

_Okay, that's a wrap for today! Next stop...MORNING AFTER! _**XXX ~BOH**


	124. Chapter 124

|- **124 **-|

Unsure of what she'll prefer, I fill the tray with scrambled eggs and bacon, yogurt, granola, and fresh berries. English muffins and wheat toast. Orange juice, milk and coffee.

She's awake and sitting up against the headboard, wiping the sleep from her eyes, when I return with breakfast in bed.

"How'd I do?" I question, offering her the array of delicacies.

She chuckles and asks, "How many armies are sharing this with us?"

"I wanted to make sure you were well fed before work."

"This is so sweet." She pops a plump blueberry onto her tongue. "_You're_ so sweet, Edward."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Isn't that better than morning sex? No? Oh, you greedy, greedy readers. Continue..._


	125. Chapter 125

|- **125 **-|

"When can I see you again?" Uh-oh. Needy Edward is in da house. Actually, he's on da stoop with her, attempting to say goodbye but getting stuck in the mire of his own desperation.

And referring to himself in third person, God help him/me.

"Oh, um…" she stumbles.

"Shit, Bella, I'm such a dope. You don't have to answer that right now."

"It's not like I don't want to see you again, Edward. I just don't know my schedule off the top of my head."

"Of course. I'll call you…?"

I'm dying here.

"How 'bout if I call _you_, handsome?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Will she? Won't she? Poor Edward...okay, one more!_


	126. Chapter 126

|- **126 **-|

"It sounds like things went really well," Emmett says encouragingly.

"I thought so, but then… _ugh_. Brick wall!"

Rose enters from the kitchen, "Did you ever consider that maybe she just has a lot going on and can't keep it all in her head? I mean, why not just take her comment at face value?"

"I am. I'm sure a girl like Bella has a _very_ crowded social calendar. Probably wall to wall dates."

Rose shoots Emmett a look. Pity. I've seen that look more times than I can count in the last few months.

"She'll call, bro. Don't stew."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Or should we say, "Don't K-Stew!"? I know I'll get nailed for leaving it here, but I'm getting tougher. I can barely feel the tines of your pitchforks as they pierce my orange shell! See you tomorrow for more LRR + a KEA!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	127. Chapter 127

|- **127 **-|

"Hi. Remember me?" she asks.

Hells yeah, I remember the girl in my bed this morning.

"Hmmm. The voice sounds familiar…" I tease.

"Why don't you try picturing me…" her breathy voice jolts my cock to attention, "with a zeppola hanging from my lips."

"Oh… _that_ girl. Why didn't you say so?"

_Skedaddle, goofy grin, before she hears you!_

"If you're free Wednesday, there's this pub Alice and I like to hit for trivia night…"

_Alice_.

"…it's totally cheesy, but—"

"Sounds great." Not as great as being alone with her, but at least I get to see her again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Okay, question answered. Well, uh COURSE she was gonna call him! Look- up there^^-it's a ROMANCE! Holding steady at one chapter today so you can all go enjoy KEA. See you there!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	128. Chapter 128

|- **128 **-|

"Excellent! And Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"Any chance you have any hot single male friends lying around? For Alice?"

"I'm not one to judge guy hotness, but I've been told my friend Jasper is… okay looking."

Let's not plant any ideas in her head.

"The namer of the ill-fated Pisa chair?"

"Right," I answer, flattered she remembered that little detail.

"Well feel free to bring him along. Alice would be open to the idea."

Jas would be _more_ than open to the idea. He's been climbing the walls lately.

"And if he comes," Bella continues slyly, "Alice won't pester us."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Shoot, GO AWAY, Guy Hotness Judge plot bunny! Keep reading please..._


	129. Chapter 129

|- **129 **-|

"I'll see what I can do," I answer, already plotting my strategy with Jas.

"So we'll meet up at Clyde's, seven-ish?"

"Sounds like a plan. How's the food?"

She chuckles, "Passable, if you order selectively. I wouldn't recommend their filet of sole but the waffle fries rock!"

"Okay," I smile to myself, loving how unpretentious she is. What you see is exactly what you get. "I'll work on Jas and let you know."

"Surprise us! And Edward…?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell little brother to go easy on the gel!"

God help me. I seriously _must_ learn how to style my own head.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _What's wrong, Bella? You don't like the Snap, Crackle, and Pop in your date's hair? One more..._


	130. Chapter 130

|- **130 **-|

_Doing anything Wed night?_

_Late nite plans with Heather_

_Cancel. I've got someone better for you!_

_Dude, Heather's a sure thing. What could be better?_

I blow out an exasperated sigh. Jasper always was a horn dog.

_Bella's hot roommate_

_I'm listening…_

_She's looking to meet someone_

_What's she like?_

_Cute, quick-witted, snarky. A lit stick of dynamite waiting to explode_

_Sounds exciting!_

_She cuts hair too_

_Really! Hmm. Belly ring?_

_Dunno. You'll have to find that one out on your own_

_DAY-um! _

_So you in?_

_Ok you're on. But if she's not pierced, you're buying!_

_Fine_

That was easy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Looks like someone's got a double date! That's all folks!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	131. Chapter 131

A|- **131 **-|

"A little less _Something About Mary_ this time, Em."

He grins broadly, waggling his meaty fingers between us. "I knew you'd come back for more!"

"Yeah, 'cause it was so much fun." I flinch while he distributes the cool, slimy gel.

"You should thank your lucky stars you have a talented brother!"

"Don't quit your day job."

Emmett chuckles. "Want me to shave you, too, Grumpy?"

"No!" My hand flies protectively to my chin, though there's nary a razor in sight.

"Easy, bro, easy," he soothes. "I can respect the scruff."

I relax slightly, until he fires his next question.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Uh oh. What is Emmett going to ask him? _


	132. Chapter 132

|- **132 **-|

"What are you planning to wear tonight?"

I look down at my usual ensemble. "This."

"No," he says simply. "How much time do I have?"

"For _what_?"

"For getting you some jeans. From this century."

"Em—"

"Non. Negotiable. Get off your bony ass. You can thank me tomorrow."

Fifty minutes later, I'm standing in the dressing room staring at the guy in the mirror, without a shred of recognition.

"Let's see," Emmett's voice booms through the curtain.

Resigned, I slide the fabric along the metal bar and step into the brightly lit showroom.

"Well?" I ask, hands on hips.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**_**:** This century. Sorry Ed. Onward..._


	133. Chapter 133

|- **133 **-|

"Turn…" he orders, examining me from every angle.

"For Chrissakes, Emmett," I grumble. "Yes or no?"

"Yes. Definitely yes. Look how they cup your ass and oh-so-subtly outline your junk. She'll go nuts!"

I roll my eyes and emit a long-suffering groan. "So we're done here?"

"Not quite. Untuck the shirt."

"What? Why?"

"Hey." He gestures along his body, from head to toe. "I know what I'm talking about, okay?"

I grudgingly pull my shirt out, remembering how Bella took care of this on our first date.

"_Now_?" I plead, raising my fingertips to the ceiling.

"Yeah. That'll do."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Hello, Understatement of the Century. Okay, Edward is READY TO GO! Next stop, Clyde's...tomorrow_.** XXX ~BOH**


	134. Chapter 134

|- **134 **-|

I lock the car, and we head to the entrance. Just before he pushes inside, I grab Jasper back by the elbow.

"Please keep in mind, I _really_ like this girl. No funny business."

"You wound me, Edward. I'm all about you. Now stop worrying."

Bella and Alice are already situated at the bar with grande somethings and two tipsy grins. Bella pushes off her stool, kisses me enthusiastically, and gives me a thorough once-over. Her smile grows even wider when she gets to my jeans.

"Wow. You dress down real good, handsome."

No way I'm telling her Emmett helped.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Double Dip coming right up!..._


	135. Chapter 135

|- **135 **-|

"Bella, meet Jasper, my oldest friend on the planet."

"Yes, I just had lunch with T-Rex and Neanderthal Man. Thanks, buddy," Jasper quips, stepping forward to shake Bella's hand.

Bella giggles softly, stepping behind Alice's stool. "And this is my BFF Alice."

"Pleased to meet you, Alice," Jasper says, extending his hand.

She licks her lips and pumps his arm enthusiastically. "Nice to meet _you_, Jazzy."

Jas bristles for just a moment before breaking into a happy grin.

Alice smiles back.

Bella smiles at Alice smiling.

I smile at Bella because…well, I just do.

"Who needs a drink?" Jas asks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Looks like everyone's ready to have a good time! We'll leave them there for today._

Okay, yes, I know fanfic has had some "issues" lately. Here's the deal. I update every day (pretty much), even if the alerts don't work. And you can actually review and I can reply and we'll all get the paperwork later! Please forgive me if for some reason I failed to reply to your review in this crazy shuffle. I love them all. **XXX ~BOH**


	136. Chapter 136

|- **136 **-|

"_**Fifteen minutes to trivia, gang!"**_ the emcee broadcasts.

"That's our cue," Bella grabs Alice, and the two scramble for handbags and slip out of the booth.

Alice turns back and admonishes Jas, "Don't go anywhere, now. The fun's about to begin!"

"Wouldn't dream of it," he answers, slipping in a little wink.

Bella shoots me a little _looks-like-we-made-a-match_ smile before following Alice to the ladies' room.

"So?" I ask, leaning forward over the table.

"So what?"

"Isn't she great?"

"Yeah. You were right…a real firecracker!"

"Not Alice. _Bella_!"

"Sorry, there's another girl here?"

"Funny," I say sourly.

"She's fantastic, Edward."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Oh Jas. Stop teasing him!..._


	137. Chapter 137

|- **137 **-|

"She's gorgeous, sweet, and for some reason I don't begin to understand, she seems really into you."

Partially mollified, I sink back and finish my beer. The girls are back in a flash and Bella scoots along the plastic cushion until our thighs touch. She cranes her neck so that her lips are just under my ear and asks, "Miss me?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," I admit uncoolly.

"Good," she answers, closing her lips over mine.

My eyes slide self-consciously across the booth. Jas and Alice are similarly locked together.

I wonder if the girls planned this in the bathroom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _See you tomorrow!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	138. Chapter 138

|- **138 **-|

I'm a little dazed after our kiss. Our server comes by to deliver the official answer blank. Alice appoints herself our captain.

I'm caught off guard when Bella queries, "So Jasper, got any good dirt on Edward here?"

I shoot Jas a warning glare, but he's all smoothness. "Edward's the real deal. No skeletons. Stable as they come…well, now that you've fixed him—"

I thump his shoe with mine and he registers surprise.

"Was he broken?" Bella questions playfully.

_You are a dead man, Jasper Whitlock!_

"He hasn't exactly been himself…since his last haircut."

_Are you fucking kidding me?_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oopsie. Turn the page..._


	139. Chapter 139

|- **139 **-|

"Delilah?" Bella offers.

I fold my arms on the table and drop my head in the opening. It's hopeless now.

"AKA Edward-Got-Scissorhanded."

"What happened?" Alice inquires.

Bella rubs her hand along my back as Jas tells the woeful tale. "About six months ago, Edward walks into a Quick Clip—"

Alice wails, "NO!"

"Yes," he continues. "He unfortunately draws the new kid. She decides to use a razor on his head, but forgets the attachment."

"Hhhhhh!" Bella gasps, horrified.

"Once she realizes Edward's completely bald around one ear, she panics and shaves off three more strips."

"That's a Half 'Hawk!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Don't google the Half Hawk. I made that shit up. Well now you know what Delilah did. Poor Samson! That's enough for today. _**XXX ~BOH**


	140. Chapter 140

|- **140 **-|

"Exactly!" Jasper responds to Bella.

"Why didn't you stop her?" Alice logically asks.

I can do nothing but groan.

"He was working out a complicated design in his head and not really paying attention," Jas answers for me.

"Jesus, you poor baby," Bella coos, adding a second hand to my backrub.

"Then what?" Alice demands.

"The customer next to him screamed, Edward snapped out of his trance, mayhem ensued…"

"Oh my gosh. What a nightmare," Bella says softly, running one hand through my hair.

"He ran out of there, half shaved, and was in a complete funk for three weeks."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Next..._


	141. Chapter 141

|- **141 **-|

I roll my head along my forearms, willing this to end, or at least come out differently this time. But no.

"Why didn't you just shave off the rest?" Alice asks in my direction.

I force myself up to face this like a man. "I was afraid it wouldn't grow back. I figured half a head was better than none."

"So, hats?" Bella prods gently, fingers pulling at my nape hairs.

"Every manner of head covering," Jas responds. "Beanies, baseball caps, ski hats, hoodies..."

"I couldn't go…anywhere," I admit, focused on Bella's soft eyes. "I know it seems ridiculous, but…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Yeah, seems ridiculous. **Who** would cover up with all those hats in public? ;) I feel a Heather Dald video coming on! Keep reading please._


	142. Chapter 142

|- **142 **-|

"No." Bella stops me dead in my tracks. She sweeps one hand to cup my cheek and brushes her thumb tenderly along my jaw. "Not ridiculous at all. Even the least vain person –who may be _you_, by the way — can't help but be affected by his physical appearance. I'm quite sure I'd still have found you hotter than Hades even completely bald, but what counts is how _you_ felt. And there's no right or wrong to feelings. They just are."

Her wisdom and compassionate understanding sweep away months of shame.

"Customer Care Curriculum?"

"Hardly! Just a lifetime of observations."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _So maybe E can find some closure now that he knows she doesn't think he's a freak? Hope so. See you tomorrow!_ **XXX ~BOH**

Speaking of Hades, read Kitkat's latest? Good vs Evil. Only KK...


	143. Chapter 143

|- **143 **-|

"I hope that girl got fired on the spot!" Alice pipes up, reminding me we're not actually alone.

Jas chuckles at her indignation. "I tried, but Edward wouldn't let me."

"Yeah," Bella responds, moving her hand to inspect the burn site. "He's outrageously forgiving."

"Not so much to _himself_, but otherwise, yeah." Jas agrees.

"Okay, that's enough psyche-diving," I finally speak up. "What matters is that I'm myself again."

"Dude, you are way better than your pre-Quick Cut self. You went from…Bologna to Siena!"

"You went to _Italy_ to recover?" Alice asks, perplexed.

"No," I snort. "Jasper's speaking Cullenese."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Sunday = 1 LRR + 1 KEA_.** XXX ~BOH**


	144. Chapter 144

|- **144 **-|

"The Bologna was our first signature piece: a sturdy, functional side chair that always performed reliably and fit in with just about any décor. It put us on the map," Jasper explains.

I brace myself again, suspicious of how much he'll reveal.

"One day, we get a call from this woman…" _And here we go, folks_. "She asks if we can 'zip up the Bologna', so Rosalie brings her in to meet with Edward."

I feel Bella's eyes on my anxious profile.

"A week later, Cullen, Inc. rolls out the Siena chair, and Edward's got himself a fancy new girlfriend."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Jasper has what we like to call 'diarrhea of the mouth'. Or however you'd say that in Italian..._


	145. Chapter 145

|- **145 **-|

I studiously fix my eyes on Jasper and my brain waves on the Siena, furiously deflecting memories of Victoria.

"So this Siena… was an improvement?" Bella asks, bless her intuitive heart.

Jasper's expression turns dreamy. "She was elegance on four legs. Versatile and dignified, yet deceptively complex. She'd invite you in and embrace you." He seems to snap out of his trance and addresses his audience. "Once you sit in a Siena, you'll never go Bologna again."

Jasper's hyperbole adds a new layer of fire to my blush, which intensifies when Bella slides her palm along my thigh and squeezes.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Oh for crying out loud! Poor Ed..._


	146. Chapter 146

|- **146 **-|

I turn my heated face toward Bella. Her adoring gaze makes me feel like the Messiah Himself and I briefly wonder if the Second Coming will happen tonight.

"_**Okay, folks, here we go!"**_

"Pay attention!" Alice admonishes. "The prizes are awesome!"

I couldn't care less about anything but threading my fingers between Bella's on my leg and returning her starry-eyed expression.

It's just a look, but it feels as if we're fornicating on the doorstep of the Vatican.

Bella finally turns away when Alice nails her with a handful of popcorn, but that doesn't prevent us from staying linked below.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _This was one super unholy chapter. I think I'll end it there for today._ **XXX ~BOH**


	147. Chapter 147

|- **147 **-|

"_**What's the most home runs hit by one player in a single major league game?"**_

"Jas?" He's the sports guy.

"Three," he answers confidently, and Alice shifts her attention to Bella.

"Bells?"

"Four," she answers, and Alice writes a '4' in the slot.

"Hey, how do you know she's right?" he pouts.

Alice's eyes meet Bella's. "She knows her baseball," Alice replies.

Bella busies herself with her beer.

_Do I want to know?_

Probably not, but it doesn't matter because Jasper asks the question.

"Fan of the game?"

Bella's grip tightens around my knuckles. "I used to date a player."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**_**:** Oh REALLY? Better read the next one..._


	148. Chapter 148

|- **148 **-|

"You dated a major league baseball player?" Jasper probes.

Alice snorts. "More like a _bush_ leaguer."

Bella narrows her eyes and shakes her head minutely, but it's enough to quiet Alice and send my antennae straight up.

Jas won't let it go. "You must've dated for a while if you've got your trivia down."

"Long enough," Bella sighs. I hate the jolt of jealousy that pierces our earlier bubble of bliss.

"_**What did the crocodile swallow in 'Peter Pan'?"**_

"An alarm clock," Alice answers merrily, not waiting for corroboration.

Alice's innuendo continues to nag at me and inspire unwelcome visuals.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh SNAP, Jasper and Alice. You are putting a real kink in our lovers' evening (not the good kind, either!) Gonna leave them here for the night._** XXX ~BOH**


	149. Chapter 149

|- **149 **-|

"We'll have to all go out again soon and spend our winnings," Alice suggests, tucking the gift certificate to Grind into her bag.

The four of us are huddled in the vestibule, preparing to say our goodbyes. I have a tight smile locked in place, fighting not to picture baseball-capped heads near Bella's bush, trimmed or otherwise.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?"

"_Edward_," she repeats, waiting for me to really pay attention. "James was a possessive animal. He could do what he wanted on the road but got furious if I so much as smiled at one of his teammates. It's way over."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh_ _Ed-waaaard: Note to self: Bella does not like possessive animals. Just sayin'..._


	150. Chapter 150

|- **150 **-|

"Hey, you don't owe me any explanation," I answer, relieved as hell she gave one anyway.

She takes both my hands in hers. "Look, you've got your …fancy exes, and I've got my list of douchebags. What matters is the here and now. _We're_ here, together. _Now_."

"You're pretty smart, you know that?" I smile at my wise girl.

"Hairdresser's intuition," she responds, mirroring my happy smile. "C'mere."

She grasps impatiently around the back of my neck and pulls my lips down so she can reach. It's a constant challenge to behave like a gentleman, but I muster my self-restraint.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh thank goodness she set him straight on James the ballplaying douche. She IS pretty smart! Well folks, that's chapter 150...Edward's 'HALF' is already twice as long as Bella's 'ONE-SHOT". Aren't plans wonderful things to disregard? _**XXX ~BOH**


	151. Chapter 151

|- **151 **-|

"You come see me, Jazzy. I'll take good care of these beautiful blond locks," we overhear.

I twist my neck just in time to see Jasper draw Alice in for a kiss. She seems taller suddenly, and when I look down, I see that Alice is balanced on tiptoe atop Jasper's shoes.

I walk Bella to her car, our hands locked together and swinging casually.

"Can I see you Friday?" I venture.

"Absolutely," she answers quickly.

"I'd like to cook dinner for you."

"Wow." We've arrived at her car and she turns to face me. "Nobody's ever done that before."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Hand swinging...sigh..._


	152. Chapter 152

|- **152 **-|

"Well, shame on them. You deserve to be treated like a queen."

"Hmm," her eyes glint mischievously, "does that include a romp in King Louie's bed?"

"Absolutely." I'm feeling that cocky hum again, like I can do or be anything.

"My last appointment ends at 5. What time do you want me?"

"I want you now."

_There you go again being suave_.

Jasper and Alice's footsteps approach.

"Hey, Bella, can I ask you something…embarrassing?"

"Sure."

"Would you mind bringing over some…goop…and teaching me how to…y'know?"

Her smile lights up the night sky. "We are going to have such a good time!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Born nods enthusiastically! I think that may be one of my favorite chapters. Let's leave them right here in their happy bubble!_** XXX ~BOH**


	153. Chapter 153

|- **153 **-|

Carlisle is almost painfully shy. Tall and lanky, he's observant and precise with his drawings, but overly cautious in his design.

"What kind of feeling do you want someone to have when they look at this table?" I ask, standing next to him at the drafting table.

"I dunno," he answers, at a loss.

"Well, then neither will your customer."

I clap him on the shoulder and leave him to it.

Rosalie breezes in and introduces herself before settling into my office. "How's the intern?"

"Green, but he'll get it."

"Might help if he could see. Kid needs a haircut."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Gee, I wonder who'll be conditioning Carlisle! I'm going to leave you here today and do my part not to overtax the feeble fanfic system_! _What can I say? When the system comes back on line, we'll all have a mess of fun stories to read and review replies to send!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	154. Chapter 154

|- **154 **-|

"What are you cooking for her?" Emmett quizzes me. He's sprawled out on the love seat in my office, pounding his turkey club between questions.

"I was gonna go with filet mignon and baked potatoes, Caesar salad, something chocolate for dessert…"

"Okay, that all sounds good. Easy, foolproof. Everything done ahead of time but the grilling. Chicks are always impressed with grill skills. Wrangling fire is totally macho. Plus you've got the chocolate in there as your aphrodisiac."

"Hell, Em, I don't think we need sexual aids just yet."

"No offense intended, bro. Just trying to give you every advantage."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Aww, Em, always working it for his big brother! There's more..._


	155. Chapter 155

|- **155 **-|

"All right," he says, brushing the crumbs off his lap and leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs. "You're gonna wear the faded jeans with the new belt. And you should go with that stretchy black AX tee, tucked in. You're cooking; you don't want to leave loose ends."

"Which shoes?"

"I like the barefoot approach. Make her feel right at home. You know, give the impression you've already started undressing. It'll inspire _her_ to get down to it."

"You're an evil genius, Emmett."

"Used to be. Got a playlist? Candles? Wine?"

_Ugh, music_. I crumple into my chair.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Poor Crumpleward..._


	156. Chapter 156

|- **156 **-|

"No worries." Emmett scoots forward to the edge of the sofa. "Text her, tell her you're excited for tonight, check for food allergies, etcetera. Ask who her three favorite recording artists are. Pick the mellowest one, launch Pandora, and you're good to go."

I drink in his advice like a dry walnut plank absorbing linseed oil.

Five hours hence, I'm dressed, barefoot, and ready. The table is set, candles and all. Pandora's spewing mellow. The salad is chilling, the filets are peppered and room temperature. The wine is breathing.

When the doorbell rings, I remind myself to do the same.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Hmmm, maybe I should've had Edward 'chilling' instead of 'breathing'? Room temp? Okay...all systems are go for this big date._

_So all your lovely reviews for the last 3 days are just coming through now...GRRR! I promise I'll read and enjoy, but the replying...can we just start fresh with today's? __ Here's hoping FF doesn't crap out on us again, but if alerts fail again, please know that I am still posting LRR every day, and eventually I WILL get reviews and you WILL get replies! Thank you for your continuing support despite the site's occasional PMS! _

_It's KEA day as well...Have a great one! _**XXX ~BOH**


	157. Chapter 157

|- **157 **-|

"Hi."

Wow.

I've seen Bella attired in Mystique professional, dinner-date sexy, and weeknight funky.

But here she is on my front stoop, low-riding skinny jeans strategically ripped to reveal wide swaths of skin. A simple, floaty, sleeveless top stops just short of her waistband, playing up her well-toned arms and hinting at tonight's selection of belly jewelry. The suspense may kill me. Rubber flip-flops divide her big toes from the others, bright red polish contrasting with her creamy white skin.

Her soft giggle informs me in the kindest way that I've taken a beat too long to greet her back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Soft giggles are always a good start. Right?..._


	158. Chapter 158

|- **158 **-|

"Sorry. Hi. I got a little…" _Mesmerized. Overwhelmed. Lost_.

I shake my head to reboot and try once again. "Come in," I finally offer, drawing her inside and kissing her eagerly.

"I didn't know what to bring," she explains. "I figured you wouldn't appreciate my taste in wine, and flowers felt weird, so…"

She proffers a shiny black bag.

"What's this?" I ask, curious what she'd choose to bring me.

"It's the _goop_…and some other stuff."

"Thanks, Bella. That was really sweet. How about some wine?"

"Thanks. I see you got a replacement chair."

"Yeah…another orphan for the group home."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ Goop! And STUFF! :) She's wrong about the Yellow Tail, by the way. He would've LOVED it! That's today's. See you tomorrow!_ **XXX ~BOH**

**PS-** I'm already getting a lot of questions about 'other stuff' so I'll just say right here, it's SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER, folks. Get your minds out of the Adam & Eve catalog!


	159. Chapter 159

|- **159 **-|

"Can I help with anything?"

"Why don't you light the candles? I'm gonna throw the steaks on the grill."

"You sure you trust me with fire?" she teases.

"Well, I happen to know my smoke detectors are in good working order, so I'm not too worried."

She giggles. "That sounds like a good story..."

"Just a routine kitchen disaster. Be right back."

I push the glass slider open and toss the filets on the grill. Before I can turn back, she snakes her hands around my waist from behind.

"Sorry. I couldn't keep my hands off you a moment longer."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Come on, who could blame her? Barefootward wrangling fire? ROAR!..._


	160. Chapter 160

|- **160 **-|

Her hands untuck then climb up the inside of my shirt, and I just close my eyes, lean into her, and feel. If she moves now, I will fall over backwards. Like one of those trust falls gone bad.

Because I _am_ starting to trust her, I realize. First my hair, then my body, and maybe, _just maybe_, my heart.

"Edward!" Her voice seems to have a spike of urgency, but she's turned me into jello.

I do the best I can. "Mmmm?"

"I think our dinner's on fire!"

"What? Oh…shit!"

I snap the tongs uselessly at the fiery chunks.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Woops. _ XXX ~BOH


	161. Chapter 161

|- **161 **-|

"I hope you like your meat well done."

_So it's not my finest work_.

I set the plate on the table, along with the Caesar salad and perfectly microwaved potatoes.

"I'm not picky," she says, stabbing one of the charred lumps and transferring it to her plate.

"That's an extremely helpful quality."

"It's the thought that counts, Edward."

"I was _thinking_ about where your hands were heading," I admit.

"So was I," she says wistfully.

"You know, the salad will keep, I can reheat the potatoes, and your steak is still gonna be burned to a crisp in an hour."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _*shrugs* Just sayin'..._


	162. Chapter 162

|- **162 **-|

"And your point is?" she asks coyly.

"Dinner can wait, Bella. I'm pretty sure I can't."

"I _did_ have a pretty late lunch." She pushes up from her chair and I watch with great anticipation as she moves toward me.

She steps to one side of my chair and swings one leg across my lap. Her hands on my shoulders, she warns, "If we wreck this chair, you're only gonna have five left. You sure you want to risk breaking up the set?"

"Fuck yes," I answer without hesitation.

She drops into my lap and I swallow her throaty laugh.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_So you see? The charred steak just sped things up! What a smart Grillward! *winks* Until tomorrow then!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	163. Chapter 163

|- **163 **-|

The chair holds up fine, but dry humping isn't what I have in mind for tonight. I support her against my chest and maneuver us toward the Cortona. I drop Bella gently onto her back and stand back to admire the view.

My patience is waning.

I loosen my belt and unbuckle my pants. Bella crosses her arms and pulls her blouse over her head. A simple diamond stud glimmers from her navel, and my dick is hard enough to cut glass.

I hastily remove my clothes while she unclasps her bra and slips the thin straps down her arms.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _His patience is waning! How about yours?..._


	164. Chapter 164

|- **164 **-|

I fail to contain an involuntary groan as she bares her lower half to my greedy eyes. Dropping one knee onto the cushion, I run a finger down her neck, between her breasts and into the valley of her stomach.

When I slide my finger through her folds, her eyes beseech me for more.

Sliding my left hand to a breast, I pinch and squeeze, as if playing the lower register on a piano. Meanwhile, my right middle finger pushes inside her, moving in and out, letting the uneven hills of my palm crash against her body again and again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_And?..._


	165. Chapter 165

|- **165 **-|

Bella reaches for me with her idle hands but I decline the offer. "Not yet."

Her eyes roll back with each thrust, and her rhythmic grunts crescendo. She opens her legs and pushes her hips into my hand, and just before she climaxes, Bella squeals my name.

Have I ever been this happy before?

Not the least bit abashed, she grins broadly at me and says, "Okay, I'm hungry now."

A deep chuckle starts in my chest and I start to push off the couch. She grabs me most assertively by my dick. "Where do you think you're going, buster?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Yeah, BUSTER! Oh I'm stopping here, and don't call me anything rhyming with Knock-Knock! _**XXX ~BOH**


	166. Chapter 166

**A/N: **Something new today! Each section is still 100 words, but instead of torturing all of us, including ff-dot-net, with multiple chapters, I'm combining each day's into one "chapter" here. Hope you'll enjoy the ease of reading it this way!

* * *

><p><em>She grabs me most assertively by my dick. "Where do you think you're going, buster?"<em>

|- **166 **-|

"I was going to feed you."

"Silly Edward. _This_ is what I want."

_Oh_.

I knee-walk my way up her body as she draws me forward. Leaving zero doubt, she opens her mouth, guiding me inside. Confident that Bella's needs have fully been satisfied, I sink selfishly into the pleasure of her slick warm cavern.

I settle over her face, resting my elbows on the rolled arm behind her. I'd worry that I'm being too rough but for her hands on my ass, pulling me in harder while adventurous fingers prod and pry.

She groans.

I'm dizzy.

"_Bella_!"

I'm gone.

**- o -**

"That was the second meal you've made me ruin," I accuse, scooping up a spoonful of hot fudge. "I'm afraid I might burn my house down."

She giggles. "Hey, I wasn't even _here_ for the corn bread incident."

"Your fault nonetheless," I insist, thinking how delectable she looks half dressed in her panties and my shirt. "Still working on this?"

"Absolutely not."

I clear our shared dessert from the table and rinse the last dishes in the sink. She meets me at the counter and runs her hands across my chest.

"Do you have any idea how sexy you are?"

**- o -**

"Yes. About a hundredth as sexy as you," I answer easily.

"Whatever, dude. Are you ready for your lesson?"

"I'm always ready, Bella."

Her quick glance to my tight jeans verifies my assertion. I hate to admit it, but Emmett is brilliant.

She smirks. "Hmmm, good to know. So…where am I shampooing you?"

"Oh." Shoot, I hadn't really worked that out. I spin around. "How about the kitchen s—"

Bella's naked. "How about that spacious shower?"

This is _so_ much better than the salon sink. "You're the professional!"

She snags her gift bag and follows me into the bedroom.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _See you tomorrow in that shower! _**XXX ~BOH**


	167. Chapter 167

|- **167 **-|

"I don't suppose you own a shower cap?"

"No," I laugh. "And if I did, I would NEVER admit it."

She pulls a hair elastic from her wrist and I watch with fascination as Bella casually twists her hair into an enviable arrangement.

Admittedly, my chief fascination is that she does this buck naked.

Jiggling tits demand my attention, the winking diamond draws my eyes lower, and her pussy doesn't need to do much of anything to captivate me.

"How's the temperature?" she smirks, indicating my arm waggling uselessly under the stream.

I'm so busted. Again.

"Just right."

"After you…"

**-o-**

"You're gonna have to kneel for me."

Gleefully.

I toss down a washcloth and drop to my knees, conveniently bringing my nose to the exact level of her—

"Nice try," she snorts. "Turn…"

Oh.

Even still, it's quite pleasant. Warm water beats down on me from above and her fingers vigorously scrub in the clean-smelling shampoo.

My dick bobs happily as she reaches for conditioner. She reaches over my shoulder and turns off the water. It's dead quiet but for the occasional drip.

Bella bathes my scalp in cool fluid, scratching with her nails and leaving me tingling all over.

**-o-**

She doesn't stop at my hair, neck, or even my shoulders. Bella straddles me from behind, sitting on the tile floor and stretching her long legs on either side.

Blowing standard operating procedure clear out of the water, she massages my entire back, soothing the ache from hours bent over the drafting table without even knowing it.

As she stands and reaches for the faucet, I catch her wrist. "Wait, my turn."

She grins and hands me the conditioner. "It's great for your skin, too."

I spread the washcloth on the floor, then take my place behind it. "Here. Sit."

**-o-**

I don't stop till her head lolls forward and I've elicited several long moans.

"Thank you, Edward. That felt great."

"My pleasure. Okay, you rinse off first."

I "help" with her back and openly gawk while she rinses the front, enjoying my front row seat at the porn shoot. She soaps up her tits and rinses them, painstakingly and repeatedly. She stops short of pleasuring herself but I'm rock hard anyway and there is no hiding my excitement.

Considering the number of times I've jerked off in here this week, it might well be a Pavlovian response at this point.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _I'm away from home for a few days, review replies will be challenging if not impossible. And if you should happen to need a pick-me-up, just remember that happily bobbing dick! It always cheers me, right honey?_

**HOT OFF THE PRESSES! I have just published a reworked, new and improved, non-Twilight version of _OUAD_ entitled Once Upon A Temptation by Kaye P. Hallows (that stands for Kinky Pumpkin Halloween, by the way!). Every chapter is exactly 100 words (by my count), and many of the little glitchy things about OUAD have been ironed out. Oh, if you don't know where those kinks are, I'm certainly not telling!**

**If you're interested, OUAT can be yours on Amazon (in paperback at the moment, hopefully Kindle version to follow****). And I have a blog at onceuponatemptation dot blogspot dot com ...come and visit!**

_Happy Good Friday/Passover!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	168. Chapter 168

|- **168 **-|

"Do we need to take care of that?" she asks with a smirk, spinning into her towel.

"Nah. It can wait."

She giggles. "Wait, huh? That's awfully optimistic."

"Oh," I say, feeling dejected suddenly.

"Here." She tosses a hand towel onto my head. "Towel off and then let's see about teaching you some self-styling."

I situate a kitchen chair in front of my bureau mirror and cover it with a towel.

She comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulder. "Okay. Ready?"

Thrilled that she hasn't gotten dressed, I nod enthusiastically.

Nekkid styling, here we come.

"Hold out your hand."

**-o-**

"The key is to work it in evenly. No glops."

"Yeah, tell that to Emmett," I grumble, concentrating on the mirror.

"Here, pull your hair through your fingers, like this."

She leans over my head, and I mean to focus on her hands, but her tits are really distracting.

Bella leans over my chair and glares accusingly at my erection.

"Sorry?" I shrug.

She shakes her head and smiles. "Get your blow dryer."

She gives me a pop on the ass when I get up, adding, "Get some boxers, while you're at it. I'm not risking another industrial accident tonight."

**-o-**

I have to stand, which means Bella can only watch and direct from beside me. Sadly we're both "protecting ourselves" with t-shirts, but at least she's not wearing anything else.

Bella patiently shows me how to "muss without fuss" and soon I'm scrunching and twisting like a pro.

After a while, my arm needs a break. I flick to cool air and aim the blast up her shirt. She giggles and hops around.

She addresses me proudly when I'm done. "Whaddya think?"

"Not a bad first attempt."

"You know," she says, eyeing me critically, "I could use a hair model."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _What on earth is Edward gonna say to THAT? _

_If you're inclined to yell at me for cockblocking, just remember, Edward offered to wait. Besides, nekkid styling is pretty fun! _**XXX ~BOH**


	169. Chapter 169

_"You know," she says, eyeing me critically, "I could use a hair model."_

|- **169 **-|

"Bella, you can't be serious."

"I'm dead serious. It's for my portfolio. I have one from school, but it's amateur stuff. Your hair would promote me to rock star status!"

_Hair model_? Fuck, I would never hear the end of that. "Bella, I—"

"It's fine, Edward. Forget I asked. It was just a passing fantasy."

"You're not mad?"

"Mad? Of course not!

Curled around Bella later in bed, after enthusiastically "taking care of that" and more, my thoughts return to her request.

If we used models to pose with our furniture, I'd ask her in a heartbeat. And she'd say yes.

**-o-**

"I changed my mind. I'll model for you."

"Really?" She cranes her neck around to face me. "That's great, Edward. I'll have Angela set it up with the photographer. You'll come in after work, have some wine…"

She flips onto her back and slides her fingers between mine. "This is gonna be so great. I can have you with me at my station all day."

I roll my eyes. "Ugh, you're gonna get sick of my face."

She brushes her knuckles along my cheek. "I could look into your eyes all day, handsome."

"I see burn victims in your future."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Remember in the Details interview, when RP said he was worried people would tire of seeing his face? Yeah, I don't think so, buddy.

Happy Easter and Home Sweet Home later today! **XXX ~BOH**


	170. Chapter 170

|- **170 **-|

"Really, Edward? Banana-pecan pancakes? How long have you been awake? And are you trying to make me fat?"

I slide one knee under the opposite side of the bed tray and point to the 'sugar-free' label on the syrup bottle, laughing while she continues to rant.

"You do know what happens to a belly button on a fat person, right? Poof!"

Oh. _That's_ not funny. "On second thought…" I move as if to pull the tray away, and she grabs it with both hands.

"Don't. You. Dare."

We both win this show down and our grins are mirror image glee.

**-o-**

"Seriously, you need to stop spoiling me with breakfast in bed."

"Why? I love spoiling you."

I bite into a particularly sweet piece of cantaloupe. Speaking of melons…

"Besides, Bella, this way I get to watch you eat naked."

"What, you think I can't eat naked at your kitchen table?"

She giggles as my jaw drops into my plate. I whisk the tray out of our way and attack her, pulling away the covers so I can savor every part of her at once.

She doesn't stop giggling until I push inside of her and make her scream my name.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Well that's one way to shut her up!_ _Thank you for understanding when I can't answer a review here and there._ **XXX ~BOH**


	171. Chapter 171

|- **171 **-|

"You sure those'll hold you?"

"Yes, Edward. I think 36 kisses should do it."

"C'mere, let's make it an even 37," I say, pulling her lips to mine one last time and savoring a sweet last kiss.

"I've really gotta run now," she says softly, placing her palm against my chest. "Alice will kill me if I make her miss the previews."

"Ugh, why isn't Jas taking her to see this instead?"

"Total chick flick, Edward. No self-respecting dude would be caught dead within miles of this movie. Period costumes, sideburns, emo lead…"

"Who ever said Jas has any self-respect?"

**-o-**

"Okay, fine. I'll let you go. But next weekend, I want you from Friday at 5:01 right on through 'til Monday morning."

"Edward, you know I have lunch every Sunday with my mother."

"You're about to come down with something highly contagious."

"Oh you are soooo bad, Edward Cullen."

"Mmm hmmm. And we're gonna finish what we started in the shower," I fantasize, running my finger down her arm.

"Great, a girl boner. Just what I need for my date with Alice. Thanks a whole bunch."

"You're welcome. And keep your phone handy so I can share some other thoughts."

**-o-**

She raises one brow. "You're going to sext me?"

"Most definitely."

"OH! That reminds me!" She suddenly whips out her phone and activates the camera.

"Say _'Blow me'_!"

I do as she's asked, grinning ear to ear at the end.

"Perfect," she says, smiling to her phone and holding it aloft for me to see. "See you later!" She wiggles the 'me' she's going to see later and drops her phone back into her bag.

"Have fun."

I give her one last peck on the lips and she riffles my hair again.

"Be good, handsome. Watch out for rabid fangirls!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Ignore that part about the chick flick, honey. You're gonna LOVE Bel Ami!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	172. Chapter 172

|- **172 **-|

What's the fuss over this old French classic all of a sudden? I Google _Bel Ami_ –huh, over five million hits. Not bad for a dead dude. And after only one click, I see why girls like Alice and Bella are prioritizing the showing.

They've got to be well into the first scene by now.

** _Enjoying Georges's ass?_**

_About 1/100 as much as yours_

**_Cute. You didn't mention the corsets. I might've joined you._**

_giggles_

**_Do you own one?_**

_No. Should I?_

**_Yes! Allow me…please._**

_Why, Mr. Cullen. Corset fetish?_

**_Not until I pictured you bursting over top just now._**

**-o-**

_How nice for you!_

**_Indeed. Seems we're both enjoying the show._**

_Seems so!_

**_Carry on then._**

_You too!_

***EST DELIV FRI, 4/20*- ****_Now you HAVE to spend the weekend._**

_You model for me, I model for you._

**_Hmm, so I can take pics?_**

_Dirty boy!_

**_All that shopping…so many choices. Satin, lace, bones, garters, colors, accessories_**

_Poor baby. _

**_Hey! It's complicated!_**

_Harder than designing a lounge chair?_

**_Harder than ANYTHING right now. Thx for asking!_**

_Better take care of that before you get hurt._

**_Care to join me?_**

_Um hello? Movie theatre. Alice! _

**_Later then?_**

_You'll wait?_

**_For you? ALWAYS_**

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Yep, he's waiting AGAIN! If you'd like to see the inspiration for his corset choice, take out the spaces and head over to agentprovocateur . com/bridal/view-all/info/classic-corset~cream_ **XXX ~BOH**


	173. Chapter 173

|- **173 **-|

_Back home!_

**_Good night?_**

_Yes…but preoccupied_

**_With?_**

_A certain sexy man ordering a certain piece of sexy lingerie_

**_Can't wait to see you in it_**

_You know you'll have to lace it up for me_

**_That's half the fun!_**

_What color stockings should I buy?_

**_Nude, seams please_**

_Oh you ARE my dirty boy_

**_It's all your fault_**

_You're welcome!_

**_Got shoes?_**

_mm hmmm. 4" enough?_

**_perfect_**

_So…you really waited for me?_

**_of course!_**

_Such a good boy. Ready now?_

**_always ready_**

_naked?_

**_totally_**

_mmmm. Me too. Hard?_

**_SO hard_**

_Where r u_

**_couch_**

_where I sucked u off?_

**_exactly_**

**-o-**

_I'm so wet Edward_

**_touch yourself for me_**

_mmmm I am so slippery_

**_fuuuuck- taste it_**

_licking sucking finger_

**_twist it around and add another_**

_yesss 2 in twisting_

**_faster rub ur clit_**

_cant txt_

_._

_._

_._

_fucking amazing!_

**_done?_**

*winks* _u?_

**_setting phone down- walk me thru?_**

_Imagine my lips closing around your tip_

_I'm sucking you in_

_In and out. In and out. Feel me?_

_My hand cups your balls_

_I've got everything in my mouth and hands_

_All of you_

_I'm taking care of you, baby_

_I'm warm and wet and tight around you_

_Come for me, baby!_

_Come!_

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _All righty then! __I had a 'Dang, how I wish I'd thought of that' moment reading **Jayme DuRob**'s review yesterday, where she mentioned that googling 'Bel Ami' would likely have directed Edward to the gay porn site, which could've made for an interesting diversion. Let me assure you, this Edward would not have tarried there for a moment, not that there's anything wrong with that! Kudos to my clever readers!_

_Okay, it's back to work for Edward, but Mystique is closed on Mondays...just sayin'!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	174. Chapter 174

|- **174 **-|

"Emmett, I'm _telling_ you the Pisa crumbled like a stale wafer."

"And I'm telling _you_ the only way that could happen is if the fulcrum were compromised. More than 75% of the load would've had to be on your hips and we're talking _significant_ elliptical motion here."

Dead silence.

Then Emmett breaks out into a deep throaty laugh. "Way to go, bro."

"Just retool the damn chair, Em."

"What do you hear from our commercial accounts, Rose?" Jasper asks.

"The old standbys are doing their thing..."

"But?" I prod.

"It's time for our next Siena."

"New chair?"

"No. New bed."

**-o-**

"Perfect timing!" Jasper winks, ribbing me with his elbow.

"Wait, don't tell me you guys broke the Louis, too?" Emmett looks incredulous, not sure if he should feel horrified or impressed.

Rose covers her eyes and laments, "Oh for the love of—"

"No, no broken beds," I add quickly. "Okay, Rose, I can start thinking along those lines. Carlisle, how's your table coming?"

He looks shocked to have been addressed. "Oh, good. I'll have something to show you tomorrow."

"Speaking of tomorrow," Jasper says, "I have to leave early. I'm getting a haircut."

"Take Carlisle with you," Rose says.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Significant elliptical motion. *grins* Oh all the boys are getting trim jobs now!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	175. Chapter 175

|- **175 **-|

**_How are you spending your day off?_**

_Paying bills, laundry, reladyscaping 4 u…_

What was I thinking, starting a text conversation with Bella on the walk back to my office? I rush inside and close the door, settling myself in front of the wall of windows behind my drafting table before answering her.

**_Careful with that razor now. Wouldn't want any industrial accidents!_**

_Baby, pleeez! I can carve this in my sleep!_

I rest my forehead against the cool glass. Dare I ask?

**_New design?_**

_*wink*_

Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. Please ask her, begs my cock.

**_Hint?_**

_U been good today?_

**_Y_**

_*heart*_

* * *

><p><em><em>**[A/N**: She just texted him a wink, then a heart; fanfic is sorely limited in this area, my apologies for the intrusion!]

* * *

><p><strong>-o-<strong>

Happy now? I glare at my greedy penis.

**_How am I s'posed to work now?_**

_How many hands do u need to draw?_

**_Very funny._**

_Awww poor baby._

**_Come for a visit_**

_OFFICE BOOTY CALL?_

Shit, no, that's disrespectful. Come on, Edward! Stop thinking with your pecker!

**_Sorry, didn't mean that. Let me show you around the place. Introduce you to the rest of the gang. Take you to dinner…_**

_*pouts* No booty?_

Jeeezubs! I'm one pliable length of pretzel dough she just _loooooves_ to twist. Well, more like a pretzel ROD at the moment, I observe darkly.

**_We'll see…_**

**-o-**

_Mmm a challenge!_

Oh yes, I'm such a challenge. Already three-quarters of the way there just imagining that adorable little heart sitting atop her creamy skin, pointing me toward Heaven…

**_You're killing me here…_**

_*giggles* what time?_

NOW! shouts my penis. Thank god he can't type.

**_I think I can last till 5. I believe you know the address…_**

_LOL yes_

**_Goodbye sweet torturess_**

_Till later sexy hair god_

Please don't be late, my penis and I will her in unison.

I turn back to my drafting table and attempt to channel my enthusiasm into something productive.

A new bed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Yes, thank God the peen can't type_. **XXX ~BOH**


	176. Chapter 176

|- **176 **-|

Pumped with the adrenaline rush of fresh design inspiration, I set pencil to blank drawing paper. In the upper corner, I allow myself the luxury of sketching out a tiny heart.

Just to get it out of my system.

Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll fill reams of paper with Poconos-worthy clichés.

Without judgment or restraint, I freeform page after page, watching the images appear as if placed there by an entirely separate person.

My hand picks up steam, each drawing bringing me closer to that ideal waiting just beyond my grasp.

Suddenly, with a climax rivaling sexual release, I see it.

**-o-**

"Edward, you have a visitor," Shelley's voice startles me from my manic work session.

_Designus Interruptus_.

A visitor? I gaze up at my clock. _4:45._ Holy shit! I haven't moved from this spot for four hours!

I hop from my chair and call out, "Be right there," as I push through my door and dash toward the reception area.

Bella's just about to settle into a chair when she sees me. "Hey, I know I'm a little early…"

Before she can even get the words out, I scurry to her, grab her hands in my own and kiss her soundly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Aww, she's early! Boy, was I happy to learn that Mrs. Cope's first name was Shelley!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	177. Chapter 177

|- **177 **-|

"Wow!" she marvels at my exuberant greeting. "Way to give a girl a warm welcome."

Shelley shoots us an amused look as I drag Bella back to my office, practically sprinting the whole way.

"Next time I'll wear my running shoes!" she exclaims, giggling as I pull her behind my drawing table.

"I have to do something…_right this second_. Stay here?"

She sets her bag down on the floor, watching with great curiosity as I initiate a fresh sheet of paper with the tiny heart.

The only sound is the scratch of pencil as Cullen, Inc.'s Next Big Thing materializes.

**-o-**

With a great surge of pride, I present the drawing to Bella. "So? What do you think?"

She smiles and nods. "I'd definitely do you on that bed."

A loud, happy bark escapes me and I indicate the ream of discarded pages littering my floor. "Thanks, but you'd do me on any of those. How can I know _this_ is the one?"

She studies the drawing thoughtfully before answering, "There aren't any rules on this bed. Anything goes. My feet might go here…or there…or maybe even gripped to your shoulders while you pound into me from this spot over_ here_…"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ Oh, does she know how to light him up!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	178. Chapter 178

|- **178 **-|

The afterglow of my creative orgasm morphs into a raging, desperate physical need.

Every single thought I can muster is highly inappropriate.

I blame the prickly rush of the fully-conceived idea coming to fruition.

I blame Bella's filthy mind and her delight in tantalizing me with Kama-Sutra-worthy imagery.

I blame that heart-shaped silhouette teasing me from the other side of the tight black pants I can't seem to peel from the outside of my eyeballs.

And if I'm entirely honest, I must admit that her insightful grasp of my design is as heady a rush as any of the others.

**-o-**

At the risk of swiping the pedestal from under us both, I press, "If you could describe your response in one word?"

It's not that I have the right answer. In fact, several concepts war within me. _Equality. Possibility. Flexibility. _

Bella hits the nail on the head. "Infinity."

"Explain, please."

"Well, the circle is the classic definition of endless. There's no 'your side, my side'. No corners. No defined boundaries."

"What about the headboard?"

"Perfect for breakfast in bed, _buuuut_…"

Sly smirk.

"…Great place to anchor your feet while your face is—"

"Knock knock!"

Rose grins broadly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _If you forgot the reference to Bella's early musings about the headboard, take a look back to LRR 26..._ **XXX ~BOH**


	179. Chapter 179

|- **179 **-|

"Sorry to interrupt." She's utterly unapologetic.

"No, you're not," I quip back. "Rosalie, meet Bella Swan."

Bella smiles. "Emmett's wife?"

"You know Emmett?"

"Not yet."

Rose eyes her suspiciously but offers her hand. "Nice to meet you, and thanks for cleaning up our shaggy dog." She gestures to me, and I roll my eyes.

Bella giggles and flutters my low-lying hairs. I might be blushing.

"Seriously," Rose continues, "I was about to start bringing in barrettes."

"_Jesus_, Rose." Emasculating much?

Rose's eyes travel to the drawing. "What's that?"

"Siena Two," I answer confidently, placing it in her waiting upturned palm.

**-o-**

"This is good, Edward. _Really_ good. Exactly what I think we need. The circular form, the half headboard, low design…it's brilliant."

Now I know I'm blushing. Bella is standing far too close and miles away. I settle for weaving my fingers through hers.

Rose starts to pass back the paper, when suddenly the little heart in the corner catches her eye. "What's this?"

Bella's giggle causes Rose to shake her head at the two of us. Thank God she seems to have assumed the most innocent interpretation of the heart.

"Well, Edward, it would appear you found yourself a muse."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _*BOH nods*_ **XXX ~BOH**


	180. Chapter 180

|- **180 **-|

"I'm gonna show Bella around a bit."

"Have fun, kids. And Edward, congratulations on the design. Can't wait to see this one hit the floor."

"She's nice," Bella whispers as we head to the stairs.

I chuckle.

"Where are you taking me?"

I pull open the heavy door at ground level. The familiar cacophony of buzzing saws and boisterous camaraderie greets us. "Workshop."

Carefully skirting the perimeter with an extra wide margin, I find Emmett at the edge of the floor giving instructions to one of his men. He looks over, huge grin spreading beneath his safety goggles.

**-o-**

Flipping the goggles into his hair, Emmett approaches, tugging off his right glove and extending a beefy hand to Bella.

"Hey, I'm Emmett. You have to be Bella."

Impressive, suave, not embarrassing—

"The girl who brought an untimely end to the Pisa."

_Fuck my life._

"The guy who gooped my Edward's sex hair."

_And again_.

It strikes me suddenly that these two haven't nearly exhausted the arsenal of humiliations at their respective disposals. Standing idly by is not going to prevent such mortifying topics as jean shopping or hair modeling from being trotted out right here on the workshop floor.

**-o-**

"Well, we're in the middle of the grand tour, so we'll leave you to get back to it, Em."

"Sure," he smiles agreeably. "Just take it easy, you two. You know we're very proud of our safety record down here." Emmett waves a hand toward the digital display showing '354 accident-free days…and counting'.

I roll my eyes and slip my arm behind Bella, who takes his teasing good-naturedly. "Very nice to meet you, little brother."

"Likewise, hot hairdresser."

Back in the quiet of the stairwell, Bella puts two and two together. "Wait, he's married to _Rosalie_?"

"Go figure," I chuckle.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Okay, E's been officially embarrassed by everyone now! _**XXX ~BOH**


	181. Chapter 181

|- **181 **-|

"Where are you taking me?" she asks breathlessly.

"You'll see." I don't look back as I drag her up the fourth flight without slowing my pace.

She presses her chest against my back as I fumble with the key. "Is this the tour you give all the girls, Edward?" She nibbles and licks at my ear, making concentration even more impossible.

As the key miraculously turns in the knob, I pause for a second to look into her eyes. "I've never brought anyone in here before, Bella."

"WOW!" she exclaims as the interior is eventually revealed. "What IS this place?"

**-o-**

"Emmett likes to call it 'The Rumpus Room,'" I chuckle, observing her carefully as her eyes move around the floor and take in the wall-to-wall furniture.

She moves gingerly through the crooked aisles, stopping every now and then to point out a familiar piece. "Hey, there's your couch! And the Louis!"

She trails her fingers along the mattress.

I pull the door closed behind me and wait for the lock to engage before following her through the maze.

"Oh, another Pisa," she grins back at me playfully.

But my mind is otherwise engaged. Where will I take her first?

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: And by 'take her,' he means 'TAKE her'! **XXX ~BOH**


	182. Chapter 182

|- **182 **-|

I narrow the gap between us, then place my hand on her hip, guiding her firmly so there's no mistaking it. Bella turns back in surprise, but one look at my serious expression erases any lingering doubt. I am hard and ready inside my trousers, and she can surely feel it through the thin leggings tightly outlining her ass.

"The Como," I say simply, pulling her to a halt before the Great Water Bed Experiment of 1995.

Bella giggles softly as I toss her onto the bed. Waves slosh gently under and around her.

"I need to see that heart."

**-o-**

I watch hungrily as she promptly complies, hooking her thumbs into the waistband and wriggling out of her shoes and pants in one swift, graceful maneuver. Does the girl even _own_ panties?

"Fuuuuuuck." I'm stupid with lust.

She splits her legs apart and folds her hands behind her head, causing her pink cotton tank top to ride up and reveal a thin gold hoop.

_Later._

Right now, that dark heart-shaped patch is almost more than I can handle. I trace the two humps with the pads of my fingers, reserving for last the inevitable downward slide toward the pointy tip.

* * *

><p>AN: _Lake Como is a lovely place. Google it if you haven't had the good fortune to visit. Oh, honey, remember our first night there_? ;) **XXX ~BOH**


	183. Chapter 183

|- **183 **-|

Bella gasps and squirms as my tongue hits her warm center. I can't stop tracing the soft design with my thumb, and from the way she responds as I brush over the bottom edge of the heart, that seems more than okay with Bella.

She reaches for my hair with both hands and twists and tugs as the pressure builds within. I lap at her lightly as she thrashes fiercely on the bed with her orgasm, creating external waves to match the cresting inside.

Eyes closed, blissed-out smile, rocking gently, she might be sunbathing in the middle of Lake Como.

**-o-**

"C'mere, big boy," Bella says through quirked lips, crooking a finger to match her invitation.

I crawl my way up her body, pausing to drop a gentle kiss next to that gold hoop and nudge the metal with my cheek. Dang, that shit drives me batty.

She wraps her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a kiss. "Thank you." I love that she doesn't shy away from her taste on my tongue, because I need everything she has to offer right now.

Suddenly, she twists and rolls us over so she's on top and I'm captured below.

**-o-**

She tucks my hands beneath my head and tightens her thighs around my hips. Her bare ass presses against the fabric of my slacks. The sloshing motion around us echoes the waves of pleasure building inside me. And yet, I'm trapped.

She peels off her top, revealing a lavender push-up bra. And it's then I notice a curious object poking out the side of the cup. She grins and reaches in, grasping the object between two fingers and brandishing a condom before my very grateful eyes.

"Just one?" I challenge.

"On each side," she giggles. "Off with these pants, baby!"

**-o-**

I clutch her hips as she rides me. The gentle waves around us churn considerably and I'm ashamed to admit it crosses my mind that if we break this bed, it will be a godawful mess, not to mention an embarrassment I will never live down.

All rational thought is swept away by the pleasurable assault on all five senses that constitutes Bella.

_Tasting_ the remnants of her sex on my tongue.

_Hearing_ our soft rhythmic grunts.

_Smelling_ our rising musk.

_Seeing_ her tits jouncing just below that enraptured expression on her face.

_Feeling_ the squeeze of her around me.


	184. Chapter 184

|- **184 **-|

Thankfully, the office is abandoned as we pass back through. We're fully clothed, but anyone could discern our recent high jinks with a mere cursory glance.

We shuffle languorously back to my office, and Bella helps me throw all my discarded designs into the recycling bin.

"So this Infinity …might it be a water bed?"

"Absolutely not," I answer, shaking my head decisively. "We learned that lesson."

I catch her pausing to smile at the ubiquitous heart.

"Thank you for providing the inspiration."

She flashes her perfect teeth and answers, "Right back at ya, handsome."

I chuckle, shaking my head.

**-o-**

We walk out together and I settle her into her driver's seat, leaning my chin on folded arms at the base of the window.

"I'll be in touch after Angela books the photographer."

"Thanks for reminding me," I say anxiously, pulling my fingers through my hair.

She reaches for her sunglasses, but pauses before pulling them on. Her gaze is unnerving.

"What?"

"I want to capture you exactly the way you are right now. Perfectly tousled, beautifully relaxed…"

"Hmmm, maybe the photographer won't mind if we roll around on the floor a bit beforehand."

"Whatever it takes, handsome," she smiles.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Um...yeah. I think I've seen that photo shoot of his_. **XXX ~BOH**


	185. Chapter 185

|- **185 **-|

_Does Wed at 6 work for you?_

_**Sure**_

_Great! I'll grab some snacks and wine and take you out after?_

_**Throw in some Xanax and you've got yourself a deal!**_

_LOL, you'll be great._

_**What should I do with my hair?**_

_Nothing. I'll take care of everything._

_**Clothes?**_

_No! J/k -is your black tee clean?_

_**I can manage that**__._

_Mind not shaving Wed am?_

_**Such a sacrifice.**_

_You're the best! Call me tonight? Gotta go- I've got back to back heads thru 8._

_**One of your heads is our new intern Carlisle.**_

_Don't worry! I'll take good care of him._


	186. Chapter 186

|- **186 **-|

"Wow, I never would've guessed your eyes are blue," Rosalie teases Carlisle.

There's no denying Bella's great at her job. Carlisle went from pound puppy to…well, fine…for a guy. I can't quite get my head around the concept of her fingers running through his hair. Rationally, I know she does it all day long, but when it's right in front of me, and the guy's…well, let's face it…a lot closer to her age…

"…this amazing massage."

What the _fuck_, dude?

"_My_ Bella gave you a massage?" I must've said this sharply, judging by Rose's dagger-eyes.

"No! This girl named Esme."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _I know I just gave you two shorties, but I'm combining them thematically. Tomorrow, we'll see how Alice did with Jasper!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	187. Chapter 187

|- **187 **-|

"Spiffy haircut."

Jasper stands and passes me $60, thinks better of it, says, "Fuck it," and hands me an additional $60.

"What's this?" I laugh.

"Alice. Navel. Nipples. Other…places." He falls into his chair and exhales loudly.

I lean forward, palms on his desk. "What the hell kind of haircut did you get, Jasper Whitlock?"

He waves me off. "Just the regular kind, mostly." His smile broadens. "With a healthy flash of skin à la carte."

I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head judgmentally. "I don't know what kind of an establishment they're running over there."

**-o-**

"I know, right? Have you seen Carlisle? It's like someone flipped his 'on' switch. You should've seen him floating out of that shampoo chair. Post-orgasmic blissed-out grin and didn't care who saw it." Jasper smiles at the memory.

"So, what? He's dating the shampoo girl now?"

"Yeah! Tomorrow actually," Jasper marvels. "And I'm seeing Alice Thursday."

"Well, hot damn," I answer.

"Hot damn, what?" Both our heads turn to Emmett in the doorway. "Nice style, Jas. Bella do that?"

"No, man, I got my own."

Hand on hip, Emmett scowls. "How come I'm the only one without a hot hairdresser?"

**-o-**

Jasper chuckles. "I think you'll have to talk to your wife about that, Em."

"Aw shit, you know Rosie'll never go for it. I'm barber shop bound for the rest of my hairy days."

Emmett looks so miserable I have to stifle a laugh.

"Aside from marriage counseling, what can we do for you?" Jasper asks.

"I came to talk to Edward about this new bed. The curved headboard's a bitch. Fucker's gonna snap right off unless we can find some cost-effective way to reinforce it from below."

"Let's go take a look," I offer, heading out of Jasper's office.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Aww, poor Em. The rest of his hairy days might be a long time!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	188. Chapter 188

|- **188 **-|

If the salon was intimidating before, the bright, hot lights and sheer white curtains and equipment-laden tripods are enough to make me seriously rethink the wisdom of this decision. Bella steps out from the back room in her sexy work clothes just in time to halt my retreat. She pretends not to notice that I was turning to leave.

"Thanks again for agreeing to do this for me." Her smile is bright and easy, and I force out a big breath, willing my nerves to be still.

"You should take your shirt off so it doesn't get wet," she declares.

**-o-**

The place is bustling with activity but nobody's paying any attention to us. I nod briefly and toss my shirt onto a nearby chair. She smiles in a way that doesn't exactly relax me, but does make me damn glad I decided to stay.

She billows the cape out and snaps it around my neck.

"You know the drill," she says, drawing me to the shampoo sink. I get as comfortable as possible and focus on Bella as she prepares the potions and lotions and rolls up her sleeves.

The warm water and Bella's competent fingers soothe my frazzled nerves.

**-o-**

This time, when Bella anchors her hip against my shoulder, I wrap my hand around her thigh and hold her close. When she leans over me to pump the shampoo, I don't have to pretend not to see the silver dangling from her belly or the curve of her breast behind her blouse.

She _wants_ me to enjoy them, and I do. Even though she pretends she's appalled.

"Um, _excuse_ me, sir."

"Hey! I was promised the VIP package."

"Hmm, in that case…"

Bella leans over and kisses me square on my surprised lips.

"That's more like it," I grin.

**-o-**

Bella very generously brings her chest to hover mere inches from my nose, where I'm free to enjoy the Dance of the Perky Titties caused by her vigorous hand motions along my scalp.

At one point, I forget myself and moan out loud, the generosity of her massage and her physical bounty simply overwhelming me. I peek around nervously but everyone is checking equipment and preparing the set.

"Nobody's watching us, Edward," she says lustily into my ear as she wraps a towel around my hair.

"In that case…" I slip my thumb inside her blouse and find that silver jewelry.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _God, they're so happy_! _It occurs to me that I've posted over six months' worth of these now, though there was that break between BPOV and EPOV and it's actually been LONGER than that. Phew! Thanks for sticking with me, and know there's lots more for these two._ **XXX ~BOH**


	189. Chapter 189

|- **189 **-|

"This is really good. What is it?"

Bella grins, "An elegant little Sauvignon Blanc, particularly suited for those long photo shoots."

" Perfect! I'm so impressed."

"Drink up, lover boy."

"You trying to get me drunk?" Truth is, I can already feel the effects of the first glass on an empty stomach.

"Nope. Trying to keep you relaxed."

"I'm fine," I insist.

And then I see the scissors.

"Bella, what are you doing? You just cut my hair _two_ _weeks_ ago."

"Just making you perfect." She squeezes my shoulder. "We're talking microscopic, baby."

I down the rest of my wine.

**-o-**

I breathe a huge sigh of relief when she sets down the scissors.

Unsnapping the cape, she says, "Don't need _this_ anymore," pulling it away with a flourish and baring my chest in the process. Several sets of eyes turn toward me, but Bella's got my shirt over my head before I can say, '_Who turned out the lights?'_

Standing behind me, she takes in my reflection. With her lips just inside the curve of my ear, she whispers, "I love this shirt on you. You look so hot."

I'm having a very hard time sitting still in the chair.

**-o-**

"Twist ..and scrunch," I direct her. "Twist …and scrunch."

Bella grins into the mirror. "Oh you're really proud of yourself, aren't you?"

I must be, because there's a guy in a tight designer tee shirt smirking cockily back at us.

A dude with some seriously crazy hair going on.

"Bella, what happened to my tidy muss?"

"We're going with more of a full-on muss for today's shoot. I'll unpouf you afterwards if you're not happy."

Must be the wine, but I don't mind the carefully executed randomness she's arranging on my head.

"Okay, I trust you," I hear myself say.


	190. Chapter 190

|- **190 **-|

"We'll need your signature before we can get started."

"What's this?" I query the photographer, who's introduced himself as Tyler.

"Standard release form. Since Bella's paying for the photography, the rights to your shots will belong to her, naturally. But since it's your face, she needs your permission."

Hmmm, belonging to Bella. I suppose I can live with that.

The instant I sign, I'm swept up and posed repeatedly against the white backdrop.

"Look off to the side now …and here …and down to the floor …beautiful, you're doing great, Edward. Just a few more now …can you look fierce?"

**-o-**

"Fierce? I'm not sure…"

"I got this," I hear Bella say, sidling up to the photographer's assistant, a good-enough-looking young guy who's as surprised as I am when she drapes herself over his shoulder.

_The fuck? _I feel my eyes narrow and I lean forward on the stool. I'm coiled and about to spring.

"That is perfect!" Tyler gushes, the soft clicks of his shutter firing at me like a machine gun.

My eyes are locked into Bella's, and I'm pretty sure she can feel my tension from ten feet away.

"We're through here." Tyler claps me on the shoulder.

**-o-**

"You can model for me any time, guy. You're a natural."

"Oh, thanks, Tyler," I answer, still dazed.

Bella bounds over to me, practically knocking me off the stool. She wraps her arms around my neck and crashes into me with her lips. "You were so great, baby. It was _so hot_ watching you like that."

"I was? It was?" The only thing that feels hot about this to _me_ are those damn lights, which thankfully Tyler finally turns off. My hand automatically reaches for my hair, but it gets stuck in the rat's nest on top of my head.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _So...fierce_. **XXX ~BOH**


	191. Chapter 191

|- **191 **-|

"Let's get out of here," she whispers, grabbing my hand and pulling me off the stool and away from the hubbub.

"Thanks, everyone," Bella calls absently over her shoulder, picking up the pace. We pass a sign that says, "Quiet Area" and Bella pulls me into the first treatment room, closing and locking the door behind her.

"Edward, I want you. Right. NOW!"

With her back to the wall, she grabs two fistfuls of tee shirt and pulls me into her body. The image of Bella nuzzled up to Tyler's apprentice sends a fresh surge of testosterone through my system.

**-o-**

I grab behind her thighs and heave Bella onto my waist. A rough growl escapes me as I press her to the wall and feel her center meet mine.

"Shhh," Bella giggles. "This is the quiet area!"

"I…don't…give…a _fuck_," I answer incoherently before devouring her lips with mine. I pin Bella against the wall with my hips and manage to free one hand, slipping it beneath her blouse. My fingers pause briefly to finger the jewelry before sliding up to her bra and inside the cup.

She moans loudly.

"Unh unh unnnn," I scold teasingly, shaking my head and smirking.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_QUIET, Bella!_** XXX ~BOH**


	192. Chapter 192

|- **192 **-|

"Must…get….you…horizontal!" I am a man on a singular mission.

Bella smiles brilliantly and points over my shoulder. I follow her finger and find nirvana in the form of a very horizontal massage table. She clamps her thighs around my hips as I spin us to the center of the room and flop us down as gracefully as possible onto the table.

I hastily unbutton her blouse while she tugs open my jeans. I lift my face from her belly to warn, "Don't start anything we can't finish."

Bella produces a condom seemingly out of thin air.

"Oh, we're finishing, baby."

**-o-**

Bella shimmies her pants down and I do the same. Rising onto my knees, I ready myself to enter her. Bella's eyes flick from my stiff erection to my face. She looks as hungry as I feel. I drop forward onto one hand by her side.

"Are you sure this table can hold us, Bella?"

"No, I'm really not," she laughs. "You better not get too rowdy."

"_Me_?" I laugh, nuzzling, my nose into her breast and slipping her nipple between my teeth.

"Ayyyyyyye! Yes, YOU!"

"Okay, then. Unrowdy it is." As I speak the words, I enter her gently.

**-o-**

Bella's eyes shine up at me in a way that make me feel bad for taking her in this impersonal place, our shoes and pants all twisted up in the thin sheet that lined the table before we started writhing around.

I still myself inside her.

"What's wrong?" she asks, cupping my cheek.

"Is this okay?"

"Of course. I _brought_ you here."

"It's just…I want you to feel respected."

"Edward…_sweetie_…I always feel respected by you. Sometimes a girl just wants to feel …_wanted_."

I close my lips urgently over hers. "Oh, you are wanted, Bella. You are most _definitely_ wanted."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Gotta love a girl who constantly can pull a condom out of...somewhere! And awwww, Respectward.** XXX ~BOH**_


	193. Chapter 193

|- **193 **-|

"Have I mentioned how irresistible I find your scruff?" Bella mentions as I walk her to her car.

"Not in so many words." I smile, because I can't _not_ smile around her. "But I believe you demonstrated it back there."

"Multiple times," she replies. "Good thing those massage tables are sturdy."

"Did you just diss me?"

She climbs into the opened driver's side.

"Not in so many words," she teases back. "Okay if we order in instead?"

"Sure."

"Follow me home?"

Home, _her_ place.

"I'll be right on your tail, beautiful."

I get a tour while we wait for dinner.

**-o-**

"Did Alice say where she and Jas were going tonight?"

"She talked him into that country-western bar." Bella smiles between bites of Pad Thai. "She'll have him on the mechanical bull before the end of the night."

My balls shrivel in solidarity. "Well, if he lives through that, those two might just be meant to be."

"Oh," she grins, "you're one of those?"

"Those whats?" I shift on the couch and set down my plate.

"Romantics."

Ugh, first a hair model. Now romantic? Next thing you know I'll be sprouting a vagina.

"Hey, that was a compliment. Not an insult."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _First respectful. Now romantic. Poor guy... _**XXX ~BOH**


	194. Chapter 194

|- **194 **-|

"What about you, Bella? Do you believe in Happily Ever Afters?"

"Sure. But I believe there's more than one person for everyone."

"Pretty sure that's illegal in the contiguous United States."

"Well, one at a time. But I just think it's far too cruel a concept that there's only one right person for everyone. I mean what are the odds you'd actually meet that one in seven billion in your lifetime?"

"Hmm, so anyone…or _everyone_ you meet might be a potential mate?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"So I guess then it's about being in the right place at the right time?"

**-o-**

"Yes, like the fact that you walk into a hair salon one day and get the new girl."

"That was awfully lucky of me."

"And me," she adds, her smiling growing larger. "And now you're going to be there all the time."

"I'm not following…"

"Your picture. At my station. 24/7."

Awww, sweet. "You mean like in a little frame on your little counter?"

"No, silly. Like a ginormous canvas on the wall."

_"What? Seriously? _ I thought that was for your portfolio."

Oh my God. What have I agreed to?

Bella's smile melts. "You didn't realize that?" she asks quietly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ Ruh roh..._ **XXX ~BOH**


	195. Chapter 195

|- **195 **-|

Jesus. "People _I know_ are gonna see that."

"Yep." Bella watches me cautiously.

"Jasper's gonna see that," I lament. "And Carlisle…"

And every other man who sits in her chair.

And now I'm grinning.

"What's that for?" she asks guardedly.

"I just realized I'm gonna be there with you. Watching _you_ right back. Making sure you don't…_condition_ any other guys."

Her brows lift. "You're worried?"

I shrug. "I know how Customer Care-oriented you are."

"You say that like it's a bad thing."

Uh-oh.

"It's not a bad thing when it's _my_ head."

She turns to me fully prepared for battle.

**-o-**

"Are you seriously jealous of random other guys whose hair I cut at work?"

I am.

Shit. I'm being a prick.

Now what?

Lie?

Be a _lying_ prick?

I've already taken too long.

She rails, "Have I not been clear on my feelings for you? Or do you just think I'm just a huge slut who bangs every guy who sits in my chair?"

"Bel—"

Her face is bright red and her arms flail wildly. "Here, have a seat. How many inches do you want me to take off, and oh, would you like a blow job with that?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** *eyes wide, hand clasped tightly over mouth* _Repeat after me: I love BOH, I love BOH.._. **XXX ~BOH**


	196. Chapter 196

|- **196 **-|

Her arms are crossed over her heaving chest and her brow is deeply furrowed. I better say… _something_.

"No, I don't think you're a slut."

"Gee thanks."

"Bella, I'm sorry. It's just…you were so…flirty that first time with me."

"I _liked_ you."

I ignore the verb tense and plow on.

"What if you just happen to …_like_ someone else? Are you going to show him your belly jewelry, too?"

Crap. I fucking hate the way I sound right now. Pouty, whiny, possessive…exactly the kind of guy Bella's already told me she hates.

She frowns. "I wasn't planning on it, no."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _It always comes back to the belly jewelry. *shakes my head in dismay_* **XXX ~BOH**


	197. Chapter 197

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KITKAT and MarLea Pie! **

|- **197 **-|

"If it makes you feel better, I realize I'm being a colossal asshole right now," I admit miserably. Sneaking a surreptitious peek, I'm relieved to see that her brow uncrinkles slightly, offering a glimmer of hope.

"This works both ways, you know, Edward. How do I know you're not getting inundated with offers?"

I guffaw. "I have all I can handle right here, thank you."

My complete ineptitude for the situation transforms her anger into amusement and she smiles.

"Apparently, I do, too."

I shrug. "I'm sorry. For some reason, I seem to turn into a caveman where you're concerned."

**-o-**

"Well, you'd be wise to get a handle on that, Fred Flintstone."

I reach up to my hair again, only to be met with an unfamiliar tangle. "I'm trying, Bella, truly I am." A ragged sigh leaves me. "This has never happened to me before. I guess I'm just finding it hard to believe that someone as great as you is really interested in me."

She sighs dramatically. "Yeah, you are pretty tough to take. Gorgeous from top to bottom, sweet, creative, classy…shall I continue?"

"Yes, please." Shameless, I know.

"Self-made, _seemingly_ stable, you know your way around the Louis …"

**-o-**

I counter, "Yeah well, you're a knockout and you have a contagious laugh and you inspire me and make me feel like I can do anything! You don't seem to be afraid of anything…"

"I'm afraid of you."

That wipes the smile right off my face.

Softly, she adds, "I'm kind of falling for your whole breakfast-in-bed, ladies-first, earnest-and-ever-ready, treated-like-a-queen vibe."

"Sounds good to me."

"So, if you're gonna turn out to be a jealous, overprotective jerk, I'd really appreciate your telling me now because I'm getting kind of attached to you."

Oh.

"Go right ahead and continue attaching yourself."

**-o-**

She regards me suspiciously. "Are you sure about that?"

Even though my heart is tearing down the middle, I search my soul for the honest answer. Can I really promise I won't mess things up? I recall the rage I felt as Bella cozied up with Tyler's assistant. I have no reason not to trust her, but emotional responses don't wait for logic.

"I promise I'll try to do better for you."

I rest my palms on my knees and pray for my hands to stop shaking while she sizes up my pledge and decides whether I'm worth the trouble.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ How'd he do? Convincing? _**XXX ~BOH**


	198. Chapter 198

|- **198 **-|

She closes her eyes and shakes her head, forcing out a burst of air.

It's worse than a direct kick in the nuts, and unfortunately growing up with Emmett has afforded me that choice bit of data for comparison.

She covers her eyes with her hands and sinks back into the couch. I try not to focus on the lack of lumbar support it offers.

Jesus, _really?_

I hang all my hopes on her tiny voice. "I promised myself I wouldn't go there again," she mumbles, more to herself than to me.

"But…?" _Is there a 'but'_?

"I'm already there."

**-o-**

My jumbled brain frantically attempts to decode her cryptic message.

_I'm already there_.

Struggling to contain my optimism, I ask, "Does that mean you're giving me a chance?"

I don't breathe until her head makes an almost imperceptible shift in my direction. She's nodding up and down behind those hands, ever so minutely.

I wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and gather up her wrists, coaxing her fingers gently away from her beautiful, clear brown eyes.

For the first time, I see Bella as vulnerable.

I am a dust mote on a scale of a wing of a termite.

**-o-**

I bring her hand to my lips and kiss softly. When she doesn't flinch, I move up her arm, expressing my gratitude in tiny droplets along the tender skin of her forearm, inside her elbow, her sexy bicep and shoulder. I pause for permission before sliding my palm behind her neck and drawing her to me.

And kissing her soundly, I check in again with those eyes that beg me not to ruin everything.

Unbidden, the image pokes its ugliness before me again: Bella taunting me with that guy. And it occurs to me why it bothers me so much.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Aw shit, Edward. NOW what? **XXX ~BOH**_


	199. Chapter 199

_Unbidden, the image pokes its ugliness before me again: Bella taunting me with that guy. And it occurs to me why it bothers me so much._

* * *

><p>|- <strong>199 <strong>-|

Breaking off the kiss, I say, "Hey. You did that on purpose."

"Did what?" I drop our joined hands into my lap.

Part of me warns to let it be, but the other, more dominant voice, says it's better to get this out in the open now than to let it marinate and fester.

"You threw yourself at that guy to provoke a response from me."

"Oh. _That_," she answers guiltily.

Neither of us says anything. I brush my thumb across her knuckles, back and forth, hoping whatever she can come up with will be the right answer.

**-o-**

"You're right," she admits. "I did that. For the sake of the picture."

"To make me 'fierce'," I recall, hurt and a tinge of anger snaking into my belly.

"Yes," she answers, finally. "And I'm really sorry. That was wrong of me. Here I am getting angry over something I encouraged for selfish reasons."

She drops her eyes away from me and stares down at my thumb.

Stroking, stroking.

Still here. Still joined.

"Look, Bella. How about we both stop beating ourselves up and acknowledge that this jealousy issue is probably going to be our challenge?"

She looks up quizzically.

**-o-**

Bella shifts her body towards me, a very good sign. "How does that work?"

"I guess I admit I have a tendency to behave like an idiot when I think about you with other guys."

"Okay…?" She smirks a bit. So far her part is pretty easy, but that's about to change.

"And you try your hardest to forgive me when I do."

"Hmmm," she ponders, though her mood has definitely taken a shift toward teasing. Another good sign.

"Hang on, before you agree. There's more to it," I warn.

"More?" She narrows her eyes.

"Yes. I'm gonna need help."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Apparently, MANY of you thought Edward had just realized he was in LOVE with Bella at the end of the last chapter. That explanation honestly did not even occur to me until I'd read about 8 reviews. I actually had to go back and reread where that was coming from. Yes, it makes total sense! But no, not where his head was. So- #200 tomorrow! _**XXX ~BOH**


	200. Chapter 200

|- **200 **-|

"What kind of help?"

"For one thing, could you try to keep your belly under wraps?"

"Okay."

"And the male _conditioning_ to a minimum?"

"Edward, sometimes Esme gets backed up and I have to take care of my own heads."

_Ugh_.

"I understand. But …at least promise me you won't enjoy it?"

I'm begging. She answers by flipping her hand over and holding mine.

"Promise."

I nod, and some of the tension flows away.

"And about that teasing? Can you just …_not_? Because honestly, Bella?"

She doesn't wait for the end. She meets my lips and shimmies into my lap.

**-o-**

Bella holds my face between her palms and kisses me as if trying to wipe away any doubt I've ever had. It's a gesture of acceptance, comfort and new understandings. I return her kiss with equal fervor, communicating that I'm going to give this everything I've got, because she's worth it.

We're worth it.

"You sure you don't mind if I stay over? I don't want to cause any problems with Alice."

"I'd be shocked if Alice came home tonight; besides, she couldn't care less."

I catch sight of my hair in the mirror as I wash up for bed.

**-o-**

"I can't go to work like this."

"C'mere, let me unpouf you," Bella steps behind me. "Dunk your head in the sink."

Easier said than done, but I eventually manage to bend down enough that we don't slosh water all over the tile floor. She towels me off, and I close my eyes, readying myself for the unique brand of foreplay I've come to love. She runs her fingers through my hair a few times, and then announces, "All set."

"That's it?"

Bella giggles. "The bed's gonna do the heavy lifting. I just got you started."

"That you did, baby."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_What a nice place for her to be after 200 chapters- shimmied into his lap with new understandings._** XXX ~BOH**


	201. Chapter 201

|- **201 **-|

_**Stealing you at 5:01. Don't forget stockings and heels!**_

_Already packed, lover boy. ;)_

_**Cancel Mom?**_

_Not sick yet._

I can't concentrate after our text exchange, so I decide to pester Jas instead. I settle into the chair across his desk and grab the stress ball. He pretends not to notice me. I toss the ball back and forth between my hands. He tips his head down further. And that's when I notice the back of his head.

"Dude, are you sporting a duck's ass?"

He shrugs.

I toss the ball onto his papers and he finally looks up, embarrassed.

**-o-**

"Alice got a little wild with the gel this morning."

"I'll say. You look like a blonde Elvis."

"You're one to talk! Looked in a mirror lately?"

"I know, right?" Normally this would piss me off big time, but fuck it, I feel fantastic.

Jas drops his pencil. "Are we a couple of pussy-whipped, slicked up idiots or what?"

"Yeah, probably," I answer, not able to corral my huge grin. "So what?"

Jas stares at me for a while as if looking at a total stranger, and maybe I am.

Then he joins me in grinning and answers, "Good point."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_These two slicked-up idiots are just grinning, and so am I! I hate angst._ **XXX ~BOH**

PS- _LRR_ is up for an Eclipse award for Best Drabble Humor, and if you'd like to vote, it's** twilighteclipseawards . blogspot . com/p/vote . html **(remove spaces). And while you're at it, _Once Upon A Desire_ is also nominated for Best Drabble Fic, so you can kill two pumpkins with one vote! And if you need to fill out your TBR list, loads of great stories nominated! Thank you!


	202. Chapter 202

|- **202 **-|

"I made a reservation at Donny Vega's; I hope that's okay. It's just that Friday nights get so crowded and I wanted to have something in case you were—"

"It's perfect. Thanks for thinking of it," she answers, tossing her bag in the back of my car. The bag with her nude stockings with the seam down the back.

"I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to change after work."

"Me neither," I joke. "Besides, you always look great."

"Yeah, but…" She sweeps a hand down her front and it's then I realize she's dressed more conservatively than usual.

**-o-**

"I would've shown a little more skin."

"I'll take the tradeoff of getting you at 5:00 with an extra layer or two," I respond, wondering whether she changed her style of work clothing for me.

Though a crowd has gathered, we're quickly seated and visited by a brazen waiter.

"May I offer you a frozen margarita, bonita señorita?"

"Si, señor," Bella answers with a bubbly laugh.

"I recommend the strawberry."

"Muy bueno," Bella responds.

The waiter seems transfixed on her smile.

"And I'll have the El Presidente, on the rocks, no salt."

His head snaps around to me. "Yes, sir."

**-o-**

"Is everything to your liking, señorita?"

"Yes, it looks great," Bella answers as she looks over her chicken burrito.

"How about some caliente sauce?"

I swear he leers as he offers, but she seems oblivious. Can he not see me sitting right here?

"No, thanks, I'm good."

"I'll be back to refill your waters."

I can't help rolling my eyes as he goes.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing. How was your day?"

"Good. It's still a little rough because I don't have anybody booking with me yet, but the walk-in traffic is steady and most of them book a follow-up."


	203. Chapter 203

|- **203 **-|

"So in about four weeks, you'll have a full schedule."

"I should, yeah. How about you? Draw anything today?"

I chuckle. "Emmett and I are still batting about that headboard. Sometimes the design and the reality don't quite meet."

"Oh. That must—"

Don Juan returns with the water pitcher and interrupts our conversation to ask Bella again how her meal is.

"Delicioso," she says, charming him anew.

"Ah bueno, bueno," he gushes, as if he birthed the damn chicken himself.

I'm getting tense, though I tell myself I shouldn't. I'm determined not to let this Lothario ruin our evening.

**-o-**

I take a sip of my margarita and remind myself what's waiting on my coffee table at home.

"Sorry, you were saying?" Bella picks up the thread of conversation.

"Oh, um…" What were we talking about?

"You seem distracted tonight," she responds, taking in a forkful of red rice.

Stay on the high road.

"Damn straight I am." Leaning forward, "I've been waiting a week for this."

Bella smiles. "Maybe I better stop eating so much. It's not even gonna fit me."

"Oh, it will. And either way, we're gonna make it nice and snug."

"My my, but someone's eager."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Anyone else eager?_** XXX ~BOH**


	204. Chapter 204

|- **204 **-|

I give the damn waiter a decent 18% tip, mostly so I don't have to feel guilty all night. I'm more than a little relieved to step out into the warm night air. And even happier when I unlock my front door and lead her inside.

Just Bella, me, and the elegant black box with a pink ribbon waiting on the coffee table.

With a firm hand on her lower back, I steer her toward my destination of choice. She spins in my hand and wraps her arms around my waist, snuggling her face into my chest. "Mmmmm, thank you."

**-o-**

"You're very welcome," I answer and fold my arms around her, rocking us slowly side to side.

I pick up the package and hand it to her, earning a quirked brow. So I'm eager. This girl and the contents of this box have been starring together in my fantasies every night I haven't had the real thing in bed with me.

She watches my face as she tugs on the ribbon, teasing me by looping it around my neck.

Agonizing moments pass as she digs through the pink tissue. The box falls away and she holds up the elegant corset.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Er...what waiter? HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL!_** XXX ~BOH**


	205. Chapter 205

|- **205 **-|

Bella grasps the ribbon on either side of my neck and coaxes my head down to hers, not that I need much coaxing. We kiss sloppily until I can't breathe.

"Give me ten minutes?" Bella grabs her duffle and glides to the bedroom. I'm jumping out of my skin and checking my watch every thirty seconds.

Oh, to be a fly on the wall as she changes into my very own Bella Amie: rolling those stockings up to her thighs and stepping into her shoes; situating the G-string; wrapping herself into the satin corset; and clipping the garters into place.

**-o-**

"Ready?" I croak from outside my bedroom door.

"It's only been three minutes," comes her amused response.

"I'm dying here, Bella."

The door opens, and there stands my fantasy come to life, exponentially better than my wildest imaginings. I'm not proud to admit I spent a fair amount of time ogling the model on the lingerie site. Without a doubt, Bella fills out the boning and the stockings and that magical space _in_ _between_ …breathe, Edward …exceedingly better than any air-brushed girl.

Holding the corset together with a hand behind her back, she takes my hand and draws me inside.

**-o-**

"This is a two-person job," she explains. "Actually, I just stand here and you do all the work."

I realize she's talking to me and I'm supposed to answer, or maybe even move my fingers to the task of lacing, but I'm totally frozen in place.

I'd erroneously believed the back would be easier to manage, without the double threat of her gorgeous tits spilling over the top of the lace-trimmed boning. But I was wrong. Because the undeniable perfection of her barely-covered cheeks and the garters trailing down to her stockings where the seams start down her thighs—

"Edward?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_He is so gone. If you're interested in seeing this corset, there's a link on my Facebook page- come visit us at Born's Pumpkin Patch!_** XXX ~BOH**


	206. Chapter 206

|- **206 **-|

_For fuck's sake, man_. Pull it together or you're gonna miss all the fun!

She glances worriedly over one shoulder and I snap out of my trance and take hold of the corset. My hands shake as I draw the satin ribbon through the eyelets, starting one end at the bottom and the other at the top, meeting in the middle and tying it off.

I step in close, allowing my pants the luxury of brushing against her bare skin. My hands settle in at the curve of her hip and my nose dips into the crook of her neck.

**-o-**

Bella lifts an arm, looping her hand around the back of my neck, cradling my head and creating an irresistible line from her elbow into the hollow of her underarm that I trace with two fingertips. My other hand snakes around her front, hungrily traversing the stiff V-shaped edge of the bodice.

I'm dizzy with satin and lace and bare Bella. When my middle finger encounters the jewel buried in her belly, I realize that life simply does not get any better than the promise of this moment.

Of course, I'm gleeful to be proven wrong not five seconds hence.

**-o-**

When Bella flattens both palms against the wall, spreads her legs, and shakes her tight little ass at me, it's all I can do to get my pants and boxers out of the line of fire.

With shaky hands, I rip open the hospitably provided condom and prepare myself to take her from behind.

As desperate as I am, I'm deliberate as I unclip the garters and slide away her panties. Bella's needy moan reverberates in my balls, and I have never, ever wanted to be inside another the way I need her right now.

"_Bella…_"

My voice is gruff.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_GRUFF!_** XXX ~BOH**


	207. Chapter 207

|- **207 **-|

She turns back over one shoulder and catches my eye, undoubtedly identifying severe lust and perhaps a prescience of remorse.

"Don't be gentle with me, Edward," she pleads, confirming the request with a grave head nod.

"Oh God," I nearly whimper, smoothing my hand over her bare behind.

"Please!" she begs with finality, before turning back and anchoring herself against the wall.

One last glance at the space between her creamy bare thighs seals the deal. My fingers reach to prepare her for me, but she's already slick and wanting.

I grasp one hip and bury myself deep inside her.

**-o-**

Satin and skin twist and undulate, the loops and tails of the bow jouncing in response like a bareback rider on a galloping mare. Bella's grunts and groans spiral with mine as we rut together, completing the Wild Kingdom mating scene.

She loses her balance momentarily as she pulls one hand off the wall and begins rubbing herself furiously, her fingertips grazing me as I plunge in and out. Sensation heaped upon sensation, feverish grinding added to pounding, the tension breaks in a glorious burst of shared ecstasy.

Bella's footing falters again and I loop my arm beneath her waist.

**-o-**

Bella's heavy panting gives way to a torrent of giggles. She twists and rises in my arms, affording me my first glimpse of the front of her in the corset she's mostly still wearing.

"Damn, woman, how am I ever gonna concentrate on…_anything_…ever again?"

Her eyes soften at my words. "I love the way you look at me, Edward."

I scoff. "Like a wild animal in heat?"

"Like a man who wouldn't notice if the house were caving in around us right now."

"What house?" I respond, crashing my lips against hers.

"Could you untie me please? I need air."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_*smiles*_** XXX ~BOH**


	208. Chapter 208

|- **208 **-|

Blissfully exhausted, we fall into bed together, Bella's face pressed to my chest and her soft body tucked into mine.

A soft crunching noise wakes me, and when I'm able to pry my eyes open, I see Bella next to me in bed with a bowl of cereal and a huge grin.

"Morning, Georges. I brought you some breakfast."

I prop myself up and grab the bowl on the nightstand. "Wow, banana_ and_ blueberries. You went all out."

"I thought you might be a bit depleted after last night."

I unveil my raging erection. "Do I appear depleted to you?"

**-o-**

Flopped on the bed next to Bella and staring lazily at the ceiling, I ask, "What should we do today …now that we've got that out of the way?"

Bella laughs, "How romantic! 'Got that outta the way'?"

I'll bite. "Okay, is this better? 'Now that we've mutually pleasured each other with our warm, moist oral openings'?"

She collapses with gales of laughter. "No, but thanks for trying."

"It's beautiful outside. How about we just wander around downtown and grab some lunch?"

"Sounds perfect. I'll shower first."

Catching my crestfallen expression, she wipes it away with one perfect word.

"Later."


	209. Chapter 209

|- **209 **-|

Bella's hair blows gently around her face as she draws the lemonade glass to her lips.

"So what's your schedule like next week?" I ask her, already plotting our next rendezvous.

"Well, Mom's going to want to reschedule, and Alice's birthday is Thursday, so…"

I whip out my phone and bring up Bella's contact info. "I can't believe we've been dating for two weeks and I don't know your birthday yet. Please tell me I haven't already missed it."

"You're good; it's July 25th," she smiles, adding, "My parents love Halloween!"

I shrug, offering, "Mine's September 23rd. New Year's cliché."

**-o-**

"One more situation I need to remedy," I say, holding my phone up to take her picture. "Say 'Pisa'!"

The photo I snapped is perfect, not that I can take credit for how beautiful and carefree Bella looks.

"Ready for more shopping?" Bella asks, confident that I'll be happy doing anything as long as it includes holding her hand. I gather up the handles beneath our table and we're off again, in and out of boutiques of men's and women's clothing…and my personal favorite, Frederick's.

By the time we return to my house, we're just dirty enough to warrant that shower.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Just dirty enough..._** XXX ~BOH**


	210. Chapter 210

|- **210 **-|

Bella clicks her iPod into the dock on my nightstand and cranks up the volume. I don't know exactly what she has in mind, but I know she means business.

Her chin bobs to the pounding beat, her eyes glazed over as they regard me at the foot of the bed. She sex-kitten walks toward me, planting her high heels to the insistent rhythm.

Placing her hand flat against my chest, she forces me backwards until the bed meets my thighs and shoves me hard, so I drop onto the comforter. She smirks and sends me the sexiest wink ever.


	211. Chapter 211

|- **211 **-|

Palming the mahogany post, Bella twists artfully around, conjuring a stripper's pole. Leaving nothing to interpretation, she swipes her tongue across her lower lip and grabs for her top button.

"_Dirtygrrrls… dirtybois…"_

Oh, I like where this is going! I sink back onto my palms and give Bella every ounce of my attention.

She continues the slow torture of unbuttoning her blouse, letting her hips gyrate in that infamous elliptical motion that cost me my lounger. If the Louie's next to go, I'm prepared to make the sacrifice.

She peels back one side of her shirt, and there it is.

**-o-**

The "barely there" bra we picked out together at Frederick's. A tiny breath of see-through material trimmed in scallopy somethings and thin scraps of red lace. And if I thought it looked sexy in the bin, that was a joke compared to how Bella fills it out.

And damn if the girl doesn't know it, too.

_Dirtygrrrls, make some noise  
>Move that ass for dirtybois<em>

She rounds the post and brings that delicious sexy swath of nothing decorating her sumptuous tits right to my mouth. And in case I missed the invitation, she pulls my face right into her cleavage.

**-o-**

My hands automatically reach for her hips, but Bella vigorously pushes them away. I glance up, chastised, and she shakes her head 'no,' but it's softened by her sexy smile promising me more.

I contentedly satisfy myself with kisses and nips at her fleshy mounds, nudging my nose along the edge of her flimsy excuse for a bra, until she cuts me off by moving back.

_Dirtybois so obscene  
>Like to see the grrrls extreme<em>

My dick _really_ needs adjusting, but somehow, suddenly, I feel as if there are new rules in place and I don't want to violate them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_The YouTube video for this song can be found at youtube . com/watch?v=DG7P6NX8yyE It's pretty sexy__ stuff! (remove spaces)_** XXX ~BOH**


	212. Chapter 212

|- **212 **-|

Bella spins and bends forward, waving the rear of her short skirt near my face. My fingers itch to leave the bed and grab her. When she looks back over her shoulder, I growl out loud and she giggles delightedly at my struggles.

_Like to see the grrrls extreme_

My mouth goes dry as she slowly peels the tight material down her hips. There's nothing but a red shoestring rising up between her cheeks, meeting the simple horizontal tie. Her ass moves in tight circles just out of my reach; my body tightens with the unbearable strain of holding still.

**-o-**

The ring of stretchy fabric has now cleared her thighs and I'm focused entirely on undoing those two tiny bows. I'm sure I can manage it with my teeth.

But Bella has other ideas.

Scooting back, she dips gently onto my thighs, touching down before lifting off again, like a pilot who's discovered his landing equipment is faulty. Again and again, she dives and soars, causing the flesh on my thighs to tingle and chill.

Finally, she settles in and grinds her cheeks against my suffering erection, causing me to groan above the music.

And then… the lap dance begins.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_To my sweet hubby who's in Las Vegas as we speak. NO lap dances for you until you come home!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	213. Chapter 213

|- **213 **-|

I've taken my share of turns in Vegas lap dance chairs, the humiliation almost always blotting out any stimulation I may have experienced. Ever envious of Jasper and Emmett's ease, I've never gotten past the awkwardness and impersonality to be able to truly enjoy myself.

But when Bella turns to face me, plants her hands on my shoulders, and throws a leg across my lap, there's only feverish arousal and an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

She peels off my shirt and unties the string at her neck, tossing away the insubstantial bra and angling a hardened nipple into my mouth.

**-o-**

She arches into me and I oblige with great pleasure, tonguing and nibbling. She grinds harder and faster and probably if she hadn't spoiled me earlier today I'd be unable to contain myself.

Happily, she did, and I can.

She grants my hands permission to touch her by placing them directly on her ass, more of an order than a request, and I squeeze and rock her harder and faster yet.

Her eyes pinch shut with glorious effort as she climbs toward her completion, rutting against me.

I clamp down on her nipple and she cries out in ecstasy.

**-o-**

It's rare that Bella seems embarrassed, but as she comes down from her high, she averts her eyes from mine.

"That was sexy as fuck, Bella." My thumbs draw tiny circles on either side of her belly.

She peeks up at me shyly. "I didn't mean to …finish like that. I've been thinking about …_dancing_ for you since we left Frederick's."

"That's awesome. You've been wearing this the whole time?"

She nods, relaxing into a beautiful smile.

"Wow," I respond. "I'm so glad I didn't know that."

Bella giggles. "Why?"

"Bella, _look_ at me. This is indecent!"

"No. It's perfect."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Somebody got herself GOOD and worked up! Doesn't she know it's the lapp-ee who's supposed to get off? Oh, Edward. Indecent? Methinks NOT!_** XXX ~BOH**


	214. Chapter 214

|- **214 **-|

Pressing her chest against mine, she kisses me gently, her tongue slipping between my lips and finding mine. Her fingers play across my shoulders, down my chest, and lower. Bella's eyes sparkle with delight when her hand reaches my bare flesh, so hard and ready for her inside my boxers.

She rises seductively, grasps and yanks one thin, red tie with each hand, sending the teeny tiny scrap of fabric to the floor.

"This way, my sweet Dirtyboi. I promised you a shower."

I follow her perfect ass to the bathroom, stepping out of shorts and boxers on the way.

**-o-**

Bella goes straight for the shower gel. She moves behind me and soaps up my shoulders, my back, and my ass. She makes no further pretense about trying to get me clean. I steady myself against the tiles as she reaches between my legs, caressing my balls and running her hand up and down my shaft.

"That feel good, baby?" she asks rhetorically, her chin hooked over my shoulder and her tits pressed against my back.

"Mmmmm."

But it's not enough. I twist so that we're facing each other, and I let her see the raw need in my eyes.

**-o-**

"I want you, Bella." I'm not sure where I muster the confidence to lift her onto my hips, but she instantly locks her ankles behind me and latches on. I walk us to the corner and press her back to the wall, which lends enough support that I can lift her onto my very happy cock.

Her eyes widen in surprise, and I realize I've inadvertently taken something that may not have been offered.

"Bella, I'm—"

And she, who has always been ready with a condom, shakes her head and says, "Don't."

Instantly miserable, I lift her off me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ And here's where my Ladies of the Patch gave me their sage advice...remember? _**XXX ~BOH**


	215. Chapter 215

_"Bella, I'm—"_

_And she, who has always been ready with a condom, shakes her head and says, "Don't."_

_Instantly miserable, I lift her off me._

* * *

><p>|- <strong>215 <strong>-|

"Sorry."

"No, Edward. I meant, don't say you're sorry. It's fine."

The water's running in my face and her eyes are obscured by her hair, which I part with my fingers. "Bella, what are you saying?"

She looks up at me, squinting into the shower head. "I'm saying I want you, too. And I'm safe. And I'm on the shots and pick me up again already!"

Understanding breaks through my haze. "You trust me?"

"Of course, Edward. The question is, do you trust me?"

There's a beat or two while I tally votes.

Cock—yes.

Heart—yes.

Head—?

_Head_?

**-o-**

Even if my head votes no, that's still two votes to one. And arguably, my cock should get two votes, so no matter what, yes wins the day.

Let's face it, though. This isn't a decision to be made in the heat of the moment. I know better.

My aching cock knows better, too.

"Bella." I open my arms and she walks inside. I hug her close to me and rock us gently under the warm stream. I kiss the top of her sopping wet head and flatten my cheek against her hair. "I didn't intend to force this conversation."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_I guess I'll label my Patchers who helped me with this one Team Bareback. Thank you, ladies. You just never can tell what scintillation will occur at Born's Pumpkin Patch!_** XXX ~BOH**


	216. Chapter 216

|- **216 **-|

"I know," she mumbles into my chest. "Neither did I."

Bella pulls away and tips her face up to mine. "But here we are, and I just wanted you to know, I'm okay with this. _With you_, that is."

I lean down to kiss her and her lips are warm and plump in the steamy air. "And I truly appreciate your generosity in that."

"But?"

"But I think you know I'm not the kind of man who's going to make a decision like this when my reasoning skills are sorely compromised. I respect both of us too much for that."

**-o-**

"Damn, Edward. You realize that 99% of guys would already be seeing stars by now, right?" Her glassy expression tells me she's happy I'm in the one percent, so I just shrug. "You're a complicated guy, you know that?"

"Really?" I laugh. "I think I'm pretty damn simple. What you see is what you get."

"Oh yeah?" Bella steps back and regards my cock. "I see that," she states, pointing to it for added emphasis.

I open my arms in invitation. "Get it, Baby."

She slides to her knees and takes me in enthusiastically. I come with a roaring shudder.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Hmmm, I guess Bella DOES like feeling respected after all! "GET IT, BABY!"_ ** XXX ~BOH**


	217. Chapter 217

|- **217 **-|

It's oddly exciting watching Bella freshen up her heart pattern, eliminating all the other hairs and stubble with the practiced hand of a professional. I love that she's bare and smooth where I love to have my lips on her.

My eyes drop to my own …area, and I take a good hard look at what Bella just had in her mouth. I can't say I've spent much time considering this before, but since I'm perched here on the marble ledge, I have a pretty good view, especially if I move my—

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" she asks.

**-o-**

"Can I ask you something?"

She answers immediately, "Of course."

"Does all this hair down here bother you?"

She steps closer, and her belly button ring comes into sharp view, but I force my eyes up to her face.

"Edward, why are you asking me this?"

"I don't know, I never really thought about it before, I guess. But here you are with your pretty little heart…" I trace the crisp outline with my finger, making her squirm, "and I'm all…"

"Manly?" she offers compassionately.

"I was going to say 'scraggly'."

"So?"

"Would you rather I was…"

"Manscaped?"

"Yeah. _Well_?"

**-o-**

"Sure. It'd be fun if you were smooth."

I must make an awful face because she cups my cheek and smiles. "But you're fine the way you are. I don't have any problem with it."

But _it'd be fun if I were smooth._

Man up time, Edward. Or should I say, 'Manscape up'?

"So… do you…?" I swirl my finger between the razor she's holding and my shriveling penis.

"Oh! You want me to trim the hedge?"

I shrug, not entirely sure I do, but acknowledging that I wouldn't have the first clue how to get the job done satisfactorily.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_I had so much fun with this chapter and the next. Thank you, as always, to my Patchers for providing opinions and real-life experience on the topic of manscaping!_** XXX ~BOH**


	218. Chapter 218

|- **218 **-|

"Here, try to relax," she says, guiding me onto my back along the bench. The water's on with just enough force to keep us reasonably warm. "All right, put that leg down there… and this one up like this. Deep breath… and don't move."

Now why on earth would I move when a girl has a pair of scissors between my legs?

The shaving gel feels cool and minty, and Bella's soft hands applying the gel feel even better. Oddly, I find myself getting hard again, which puzzles me, because I'm terrified.

"Think about your Happy Place, Edward," she advises.

**-o-**

"All finished!" Bella announces. She cups her hands together to collect water, then drizzles it over the newly shaved area, the warm cascade soothing yet surprisingly intense.

My hand moves down to inspect her work.

"Wow, it's so smooth," I marvel. And everything feels so much…_more_ than before.

I smile down at Bella. "You did a great job."

"Not bad for my first time, eh?"

"WHAT?" I roar, popping up on the bench. "YOU HAD A RAZOR TO MY NUTS AND YOU'VE NEVER DONE IT BEFORE?"

"Mm hmm," she nods, giggling. "Gotta be a first time for everything!"

**-o-**

"Well, let's add THAT to the list of things I'm glad I didn't know earlier!"

She riffles her fingers through my wet hair and kisses my forehead. "Baby, hair is hair. Balls, pussies, or chins—it's all just follicles and shafts to me."

"Did you just insinuate that my face looks like a nut sac to you?"

She giggles at my heated outburst. "You know, you're adorable when you pout."

It's impossible to stay angry at Bella. "I am?"

She offers a hand and pulls me into her naked body. "You are."

I make-up kiss her under our makeshift waterfall.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Just for the record, he's not totally hairless, just sporting smooth balls and a trim thatch of undergrowth. Hope you enjoyed!** XXX ~BOH**_


	219. Chapter 219

|- **219 **-|

We're sprawled out on the thin cotton blanket, perched back on our elbows, two pairs of crossed feet waving side to side like stalks of wheat blown by a warm summer breeze. Her shirt is crumpled from my earlier exploration, and I'm sure my hair looks just the way she prefers. I could not be happier.

"Isn't this better than Sunday brunch with Mom?"

"I dunno," she teases. "What are you feeding me?"

I give her a sidelong glance; we both know it's really not about what's inside the picnic basket. Still, I won't disappoint her on that front either.

**-o-**

"Mmmm, oh my gawwwd, this is amazing!" she mumbles through a mouthful of Panini Caprese. "If I weren't so into you, I'd be all over whoever baked this bread!"

Luckily, I'm not chewing anything, because really, Giovanni is like sixty and 250 pounds. And his wife is not someone to challenge. "Glad you like it. Try a bite of arancini?"

"Hell, no. I've already tacked on an extra fifteen cardio minutes, thanks to you and your love for all things carb!"

"Hey, I just took you for a five-mile hike, not to mention getting your heart rate up earlier today!"

**-o-**

"It's a good thing garlic breath doesn't repel you," she comments, after I've been kissing her for ten minutes.

"You couldn't repel me if you tried."

She gazes up at me, fingering the hair behind my ears. "Now, why on earth would I want to do _that_, Handsome?"

"Oh, I don't know," I answer, kissing up her jaw line and into her neck. "Maybe you'll wake up one day and realize you're too good for me?"

She sighs heavily, a dreamy, melodic, contented sound. "Yeah… probably."

I tickle her with my nose and she dissolves into a fit of giggles.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Happy, happy! :)** XXX ~BOH**_


	220. Chapter 220

|- **220 **-|

The drop-off. My least favorite part of the weekend.

"So you'll ride in with Alice on Tuesday and I'll pick you up after work?"

"Mmm. Think you can hold out till then?"

"Absolutely not."

She smiles warmly and kisses me reassuringly. "Me neither."

_Good to know_.

"Thank you, Edward. It was a wonderful weekend."

"It was," I mumble into her hair. I suck at letting go, and it's only getting worse each time.

She slithers out of my tight embrace. "Off you go. I've got bills to pay."

"Oh yeah. Reality."

Life outside our little bubble.

"Remember, baby powder!"

"Right."

**-o-**

_**Baby powder not helping!**_

_Awww. Try lotion_

_._

_._

_._

_**Better thx**_

_*smiley*_

_._

_._

_._

_How's the Infinity?_

_**Great. Em's working on a prototype Rose can pitch.**_

_Need a test drive? *wink*_

_**Letting Jasper + Alice take this one for its first spin.**_

_If it survives, we're next?_

_**Yes, but don't hold ur breath. U don't wanna know what J did to the Como!**_

_I kinda do…_

_**Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink**__._

_._

_._

_._

_Quoting Coleridge? SEXY, Baby!_

_**Did you just google that?**_

_Yep - cheery, that._

_**Know the one about the guy from Nantucket?**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Anyone interested in a **Comp Sem 101 Outtake**? Here's a teaser: _

I pull the box from my jacket and open it, showing her that I'm for real. She gasps and tears fill her eyes and she's not answering and things are not looking real good for Team Cullen.

_Contribute a minimum of $10 to support the Fandom For No Kid Hungry, submit your receipt** before June 1,** and this-as well as stories from many of your favorite authors-can be yours. **fandomcause . info/how-to-donate/ ** (remove spaces)_

_ Feed hungry children, read great stories, help the fandom do something great...it's a win, win, win! _**XXX ~BOH**


	221. Chapter 221

|- **221 **-|

"Hey, Number Three!" Alice calls, spying me loitering outside the vestibule.

I spin and pretend I wasn't just pacing here for ten minutes. "Hey, Alice."

She cranes her neck around and reports, "She's almost done. Just putting the finishing touches. Why don't you have a seat?"

Having no choice, I walk in and grab a chair in the waiting area. I can just catch the edge of Bella's station, the occasional elbow or glimpse of her side.

My heart rate picks up when I see the swoosh of the cape, signaling completion. I stand, ever eager to greet my girl.

-o-

"Thanks, Bella," says a deep voice belonging to her client now stepping into view, a tattoo-covered steroidal wonder who makes Emmett look like pre-spinach Popeye. "Any time you need a tune-up, just ask for me."

Bella's soft tinkling laugh leads him toward the cashier. "I'll keep that in mind, Jake. My glutes could use a little work, actually," she calls back over her shoulder.

I watch him leer at her ass. "They look pretty sweet to me."

She shakes her head in that self-deprecating way and turns forward again. Her eyes catch on me and she lights up. "Edward, hey!"

-o-

"Hey," I answer tightly, training my ears on their conversation.

"Be right with you," she answers, delivering The Incredible Hulk to Jessica. Bella pulls one of her cards from the dispenser and slides it over to him. "See you in six weeks?"

"If not before," he winks lasciviously. "Remember, I'm here for you… _and_ your glutes."

"Thanks," she responds, tipping her face to me. "I'm sure my boyfriend will appreciate that."

He glances at me briefly, disappointed but certainly not threatened, before turning back to Bella. "Every guy appreciates a well-toned ass. Trust me." He passes her a tip. "Later."

-o-

The aftermath of my adrenaline rush makes its way out of my system, and I feel the tingle in my nerve endings as Bella pushes off the counter and greets me with a kiss and a smile. "Ready?"

"I'm so ready," I answer, desperate to leave Mr. Universe and my jealousy behind.

"Lemme just go change real quick?"

I nod, and it's then I notice she's definitely more covered up than usual. Her pants are actual pants, not skin-tight leggings and you couldn't find her cleavage without x-ray vision. And she was clearly not flirty with Steroid Guy.

For me.


	222. Chapter 222

|- **222 **-|

"Happy Early Birthday," I say, making conversation with Alice while Bella changes.

"Thanks, Edward. Sorry I'm taking Bella away from you on Thursday, but it's tradition."

"I suppose I can spare her for one night."

Alice snorts. "Like she won't be sexting you the whole time!"

My face heats up but I'm secretly pleased that our passion has not gone unnoticed.

"So what'd you decide for Saturday night, your official celebration?"

"We're going to use our winnings from trivia and go to Grind."

"So what is that, like a coffee place?"

She snorts again, louder. "NO, grandpa! It's a club!"

-o-

"_Dancing_?" I attempt to tamp down the terror.

"Yes," she answers, amused at my discomfort. Damn Alice.

I pinch my eyes shut with my fingers and try to eradicate mental images of Emmett with his hands on my hips in a brotherly attempt to teach me to dance.

Just then, Bella reappears. "Alice, what have you done to Edward?" she scolds.

"Oh, relax. I was just telling him about Saturday."

I open my eyes in time to see Bella give Alice an extremely dirty look.

"I'm starved," Bella announces abruptly, grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the salon.

-o-

"I take it you've guessed I'm a little anxious about clubbing?"

Bella sighs. "I was going to break it to you gently. _Later_," she says pointedly, raising a brow.

My fork stops in mid-air. "Oh."

"Don't worry, Edward. We'll have you club-ready and grinding like a pro."

A laugh bursts forth. "A pro _WHAT_?"

"You have nothing to worry about. Honestly, you could stand in the middle of the dance floor stock still and every girl there would be clawing her way to dance with you. Add the slightest twitch of your hips, and… well, watch out for the stampede."

-o-

"You have quite the vivid imagination, there," I chuckle disbelievingly.

"Oh, I've imagined it plenty, believe me."

"Really? You fantasize about _me_? On a dance floor?"

"Among other places."

I shake my head and take in a forkful of swordfish.

"Edward? You seriously don't think dancing is the hottest thing two people can do in public? It's basically sex standing up."

"Mmm, speaking of which," I twitch my brows suggestively.

"_After_ we dance."

I narrow my eyes but give in quickly. "Fine. You strike a hard bargain, woman."

She winks. "I promise it will be a very, very hard bargain."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Chapter 222...just sayin'. Thank you for still being here._** XXX ~BOH**


	223. Chapter 223

|- **223 **-|

"Closer. And bend your knees a little more."

She looks back over her shoulder and shoots me a kittenish grin, pulling my hands to her ass.

Okay, grinding's not so terrible.

"Feel that?"

_Hell yes,_ I feel her tight little ass spinning in my hands, nestling into my lap. _"Mmmm."_

"Move _with_ me, baby. Let me feel you, too."

Self-consciousness washes out to sea on a tidal wave of lust.

"Here comes the fun part," she alerts me, lifting both hands and clasping them together behind my neck.

"Touch me, Edward," she pleads breathlessly.

One hand slips beneath her top.

**-o-**

My fingers spread across her flat belly, pressing her back against me. She moans as I dip inside her skirt, feeling my way using the etched heart as my roadmap. I nibble along her shoulder and take her ear lobe into my mouth, nipping and lapping hungrily with teeth and tongue.

Her gyrations become wilder. The rhythm from her iPod selection discarded, Bella's own primitive beat takes over.

My other hand pushes inside her shirt and captures her bare tits.

_MINE_! I prove to the invisible dancers crowding my fantasy.

"Yes, Baby, _please_…" Bella begs.

We're more fucking than dancing.

**-o-**

Somehow, in my mad frenzy, I manage to push her skirt down and open my pants. Skin against skin is almost too much to bear, and I reach back for the condom Bella tossed here before commencing my dance lesson.

She writhes seductively as I fumble with the wrapper, readying myself as efficiently as my lust-addled brain allows.

I grab her hips and settle her onto my cock… and holy shit, my bare balls!

My view from above is glorious: unfettered tits slapping into my palms, the occasional flash of gold jewelry, the shadow of a heart where we're connected.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Yeah, that is one happy dancer. See, hon? It can be SO MUCH FUN! _

_Some of you have asked where to find me if the witch's broom snags the pumpkin in its evil straw bristles. Here I am: **bornspumpkinpatch . blogspot . com**. The site is under construction; as of right now, it's live for KEA postings, and I hope to eventually include LRR chapters, pictures, and playlists. You may want to jot down the site, remove the spaces as always, just in case... In the midst of the sweep that has taken so many great stories from wonderful writers out of our universe here, I just want to say once again how amazing your support has been for my stories and for me personally._

**XXX ~BOH**


	224. Chapter 224

|- **224 **-|

Bella angles her head sideways and devours my lips with hers, plunging her tongue inside and claiming every part of me. My eyes are pinched tightly shut with the effort of holding us both upright amidst our crazed fervor.

I picture us encircled on the dance floor by an astonished audience, performing this passionate mating ritual for all to see. The fantasy lifts me higher, Bella's grunts and moans mixing with my own, as we climb to our peak.

Sweaty and entwined and needy and lost, we writhe and flex and grind and rub, bringing each other to ecstatic release.

**-o-**

"So how soon can we get to this club?" I ask between kisses.

Bella giggles warmly and smiles right through to my soul. "I love that you're so willing to try all these new things for me."

We're facing each other and rocking slowly, our naked bodies pressed together on the makeshift dance floor. I slide my palms down her sides slowly, tracing her soft curves.

"Bella, I think I'd do just about anything for you."

She gazes up at me for several long moments before responding.

"That is, hands down, _the_ best thing …_anyone_ has _ever_ said to me."

**-o-**

We're both quiet on the trip back to Mystique, arms looped together on the armrest between us, drifting in our shared mellow afterglow. Though I pull up right next to her car, I still get out to open doors for her, a gesture she accepts with an awed shake of her head.

Neither eager to let go, we linger together between our cars, two sets of linked hands swaying at our sides.

"Mind if I ask you something, Bella?"

"Hmmm?"

"Are you …_covering up_ at work …for me?"

"Yes," she answers simply.

Gratification and anxiety churn within me. "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Hope you enjoyed the dance lesson!_** XXX ~BOH**


	225. Chapter 225

|- **225 **-|

_**What r u drinking? **_

_Fuzzy Nut._

_**How's it taste?**_

_Meh. I like smooth balls now. *wink*_

_**You're killing me babe!**_

_Gotta go. Birthday girl's glaring and telling me to 'Cut Loverboy off already'_

_**Selfish little leprechaun!**_

_No argument here *giggles*_

_**Fine. gotta put the finishing touches on her present anyway.**_

_Ur really not telling me?_

_**Nope. Surprise.**_

_*pouts*_

_**G'night, babe. Text me when ur home safe pls?**_

Damn, she's got me wrapped around her pinky and we both know it. Still, I have successfully kept my drawing for Alice a secret and I'm pretty proud of myself for it.

**-o-**

I haven't drawn figures in years, and it feels great to flex my creative muscles.

It takes the rest of the night and most of my sketch pad, but finally I've got something I'm proud and excited to share. Luckily, Jas had a picture of Alice, and once I studied it, I was able to capture her mischievous grin.

Bella's features flow easily from memory to paper: her easy, confident smile; inviting, playful eyes; open, trusting expression; silky brown hair framing high cheekbones, flawless skin, and a delicate nose.

All I had left was winding arms around shoulders …and …voilà!

**-o-**

At 1 am, I stop obsessively checking my phone every ten minutes.

At 1:25, I "rest my eyes" while watching TV.

At 2:15, I finally stop pretending I'm not drowsing on the couch and drag my sleepy ass to bed.

The faint vibration shakes my pillow but it's the obnoxious alert that rouses me enough to force an eye open and reach for my phone.

2:42 am. _Hom swett hine_

Her mangled tipsy words bring a relieved smile to my face, and I tap out a quick "thx gnite" before allowing myself to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	226. Chapter 226

|- **226 **-|

"So you and Jas are going clubbing tomorrow, eh?" Emmett asks, a wide, amused grin surrounding the Italian sub disappearing into his mouth.

"Yes," I answer, attempting to stem the inevitable mocking I know is heading my way.

He reaches over and thwacks me in the arm. "Ready for some patented Emmett Cullen dance moves?"

"Uh, no thanks, Em. I've got my own."

He laughs out loud and quickly covers his mouth with his forearm, as half-chewed chunks of shredded lettuce and hot peppers escape and fly across the tiny round table we're sharing.

"Jesus, Em. Raised by wolves much?"

**-o-**

"Sorry, Edward. But you forget, I've _seen_ those moves, and…" He shakes his head so furiously I'm afraid the pencil behind his ear is going to become the next projectile rocketing from his person.

I attempt to wipe the humiliations of dance floors past from my memory, but the bitter aftertaste remains.

Without considering the consequences, I blurt, "Bella showed me some stuff."

His expression changes from condescension to awe. "You really _are_ getting your groove on, aren't you, bro?"

I shrug, slightly remorseful to have shared something so private. But it's Emmett, and I know I can trust him.

**-o-**

"I mean, just look at you. New hair, new clothes, new _bed_. You smile all the time now…"

"We done here, Em? I gotta take a leak." I stand for emphasis, hoping he'll take the not-at-all-subtle hint.

"Sure, yeah," he says absently. "Me, too."

It's not until I'm unfurled at the urinals that I realize my fatal error. I quickly take myself in hand, but Emmett's already seen it.

In an uncharacteristic move, he clamps his mouth closed, turns his eyes forward and doesn't say a word. But I see the edges of his lips quirking upward.

"Fuck off, Emmett."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Okay, I was DYING to get you guys to the urinal. Poor Emmett cannot quite...hold it in...Aaargh!_** XXX ~BOH**


	227. Chapter 227

|- **227 **-|

I pull the S60R up to the curb, and Jasper jumps out first, holding Alice's gift in one hand and fingering his gelled-up hair with the other. I can hardly make fun of him when I'm doing exactly the same.

I'm confident my outfit is right because Bella picked out every item with me while we were shopping last weekend.

What Bella _doesn't_ know is that I've brought her a little surprise something as well.

Jas rings the bell and seconds later, an excited Alice hops right onto his hips, nearly knocking him over.

"Happy birthday, Tinkerbelle," he chuckles happily.

**-o-**

"Bella. Wow."

My eyes bug out at the tiniest little dress almost covering my girlfriend's dangerously sexy bits. There's a band of black leathery-looking material around her neck, then the dress splits into two vertical pieces to the waist, laced together with black string and leaving just the tiniest slivers of skin to the imagination.

The bottom half barely covers her assets. One good grind and everything will be on display.

"You like?" she asks eagerly, spinning slowly on her way-impractical spiky heels, revealing her entire back from neck to dimples.

I swallow thickly and choose my words extremely carefully.


	228. Chapter 228

_"You like?" she asks eagerly, spinning slowly on her way-impractical spiky heels, revealing her entire back from neck to dimples._

_I swallow thickly and choose my words extremely carefully._

* * *

><p>|- <strong>228 <strong>-|

"You look …beyond sexy, Bella."

Smiling brightly, she rushes to my side. Pressing her body against me, she whispers, "Right back at ya, Handsome."

I'm already hard and we've only just arrived. This night is bound to be one long torturous exercise in restraint. Either that, or I'm going to be dragging my girlfriend out behind the club and fucking her brains out. Or I suppose if that's not an option, I could rub one out in the men's roo—

"Edward?"

Bella's snapping her fingers in my face. "You in there?"

Yes, and I'm trying desperately to stay that way.

**-o-**

"So…that's Alice's present?" Bella prompts.

"Oh yeah, uh…happy birthday, Alice." I hand her the flat package, now that she's slid off Jasper's torso and has a free hand.

"Thanks, Edward, that was so sweet of you," she says, taking the package and leading us all over to the seating area. "Hey, did you see what Bella got me?" Alice is pinching the bright pink halter top and beaming at Bella.

"I did. I was with her when she picked it out. And it looks great on you, by the way."

Jasper elbows me and I shoot him a dirty look.

**-o-**

Alice giggles at our nonsense and pats the couch right next to her. "Jazzy, sit."

_Come. Stay. Roll over_, I think. But he hurries to her side without a care.

I roll my eyes and Bella chuckles. When I sit on the side chair, she plops onto my lap, eager to see what I've given Alice.

"Do you know what this is?" Alice asks her roommate.

"No. He was very mysterious about it."

Bella squirms when I drop my hand onto her bare back and explore freely, nary a bra to impede me.

Meanwhile, Alice tears open the decorative paper.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Love to Kitkat for the amazing banner she made me for this story, a large chunk of which now appears at the top of your screen while you read. Let's hear it for improvements to this site!_** XXX ~BOH**


	229. Chapter 229

|- **229 **-|

"What _is_ it?" Bella asks insistently, as Alice stares downward, immobile and mute.

Jasper looks over at me and nods appreciatively. "You done good, Edward."

Alice tips her face to me, and I can see tears in her eyes. Aw Jeez, I made her cry. "Thank you," she mouths.

"Oh for Pete's sake. Can somebody please show _me_ already?" Bella huffs, bending forward to look, and incidentally showing me most of her ass in the process.

"Wow," Bella says reverently, sliding the frame out of Alice's slackened grip. "This is amazing."

A warm rush of pride surges through my body.

**-o-**

"How did you do this, Edward? We don't even have a picture of the two of us together like this."

Jasper pipes up, "I took the one of Alice and sent it to him," looking to Alice for credit.

"And I used the picture I took of you on my phone," I add, "not that I needed it. I got you all up here, baby," I say, tapping my temple proudly.

"And you put us together like this?" Alice asks, as if I've just put the finishing brushstrokes on the _Mona Lisa_.

"I did," I smile, basking in the praise.

**-o-**

"Thank you so much, Edward," Alice gushes, jumping over to plant a huge kiss on my cheek.

"You're very welcome," I beam.

"Okay, my turn," Jas says, passing her the tiny Tinkerbelle bag he was trying to hide from me in the car because he knew I'd mock him mercilessly.

Bella plants her knee between my legs and her hands on my shoulders, leans over my chair, and kisses me good and proper. If Jas weren't so into Alice right now, I'd worry about his view.

She puts her lips to my ear and whispers, "You are so talented, Edward."

**-o-**

Bella straddles my lap and presses her lips to mine. Much as I'm enjoying her appreciation for my talent, I can't wait to see her response to my little surprise. I lift my hips, taking her with me, and shove my hand down my front pocket. Bella giggles and bounces along for the ride.

I steady her with a hand on her waist, my thumb skimming back and forth over her exposed skin.

"Hey. Bella," I whisper between us. "I got you something."

"What? _Why_?" Her smile is bright and happy.

Holding the box between us, I answer, "Just because."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _"Just because...the ladies in the Patch gave me this FAB idea!" *Born winks at Patchers*_

_What's in the box? Find out tomorrow!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	230. Chapter 230

|- **230 **-|

Her eyes flick back and forth between the small white box and my face.

"This was _so_ sweet." She wells up with tears. "It's not even my…" With a small shake of her head, she clears away the thought.

She leans forward, crosses her wrists behind my neck and leads a dance with our mouths—tongues and all, which is awfully nice, but I'm dying here.

"Mmm," I pull back. "Open it. Please?"

She smiles once more and it hits me: if only I can make _this_ girl _this_ happy for the rest of our lives, that's all I'd need.

**-o-**

With trembling hands, she unties the tiny blue bow and lifts off the lid. She gasps and sits back on my thighs, letting the light get to it.

"Edward, it's _beautiful_!"

She reaches two delicate fingers inside and pulls the sterling silver navel dangle from the cotton pillow. I relish the expression on her face as her eyes travel the length of the piece and she spies the blue topaz nestled into the curve of silver.

The highlight is the moment she makes out the diamond-encrusted "E" suspended from the bottom.

"Oh GOD, I LOVE IT! This is SO romantic!"


	231. Chapter 231

|- **231 **-|

Alice's gleeful, "Oh, Jazzy! Bella,_ look_!" interrupts our moment.

"Wow, Alice, that's beautiful," Bella answers, clearly sounding distracted—at least, to me.

Bella tips forward and covers my lips with hers, leaving a long, langorous kiss. She nips her way back to my ear, where her whisper tickles at the edges of my flesh. "I'm gonna go put this on for you _right now_."

When Bella pulls back, her eyes make me not want to release her from my lap. But the promise of her wearing my mark in that semi-secret spot all night is enough to loosen my hands.

**-o-**

I sneak one parting leer down the crisscross-covered skin as she pushes herself away.

'_Be right back,_' she mouths, adding a flirty wink and palming the jewelry. "Let's see, Alice. _Ooh_, awesome charms! Hey, let's go get you changed."

The girls head off with linked arms and a spray of giggles while Jasper and I sit and wait. The room is suddenly quiet without their effervescence.

"You psyched to go?" I venture.

Jasper shrugs. "I guess. Did you see how excited the girls are?"

"Hard to miss."

We both grin. Headlights bathe the room and there's a horn.

"Taxi's here."


	232. Chapter 232

|- **232 **-|

If furniture design is meant to invite you in, the atmosphere of Grind is its diametric opposite. From the humid air thick with perspiration and spilt beer to the abusive, repetitive pounding of the non-music and strobe lights, I'm affronted on every level.

Heads turn as the girls are noticed and Bella tightens her grip on my hand as we enter the dark, cramped space. I stare down anyone brazen enough to catch my eye, but most of the gawpers don't ever bother to stray from Bella's chest; and if they do, it's only to check out her ass.

Awesome.

**-o-**

"Buddy, you need a drink," Jasper offers. "What can I get you?"

"I'll just take a beer."

Jasper catches my vigilant eyes performing their security patrol, shakes his head and says, "You'll start with whiskey."

I shoot him a semi-disgusted look and snark back, "So what'd you ask for?"

"Oooh, I LOVE this song!" Alice squeals, picking up on a slight change in the electronic tone relentlessly jackhammering into my skull. "Come on, B! We've gotta DANCE!"

Suddenly, Bella is yanked from my grasp, her eyes widening in surprise and her fingers stretching vainly across the air between us.

"Edward!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_EDWAAAAARD!_**XXX ~BOH**


	233. Chapter 233

|- **233 **-|

Just like that, Bella's swallowed by the sea of hot, writhing, scantily-clad bodies, bouncing and swaying under the flashing lights. I stalk the perimeter of the dance floor, trying to hone in on her location, but the best I can accomplish is an occasional glimpse of an upwardly thrust arm or a flash of wildly tossed brown hair.

A pair of blonde bobbleheads step into my path. "Excuse me," I mutter, politely stepping past them.

"Hey, wanna dance?" one asks on behalf of both, I can only assume.

"Oh, no. Sorry …thanks." I press on.

"Dance?" invites another.

"No. Thanks."

**-o-**

The third offer is more aggressive. A tall redhead grabs my sleeve and yanks me onto the dance floor without even asking.

I'm so far from interested, I can't even muster a care over it. Plus, I can't see Bella at all from this angle.

I hold up my hands and start to back away with my standard apology, but we've already been pushed to the inside of the pack and I'm trapped.

Noting my partner's eyes are closed as if she's entered some kind of hypnotic trance, I take the opportunity to slip away unnoticed and search for Bella.

**-o-**

Not surprisingly, I finally locate Alice and Bella at the epicenter of the frenzy. Two hot girls enjoying themselves always make for a popular attraction, but even more so when the dancing is sexy as fuck. And the Alice-Bella coupling most definitely embodies that description.

Individually, either would draw stares, but together, and the way they're _touching_ each other …_Fuck Me._ I don't have enough artillery in my arsenal to shoot down all the lascivious leers. Hell, the US _Army_ doesn't have enough artillery.

I stand, mute, jostled by the techno worshippers and horny boys, my frustration and anxiety mounting.


	234. Chapter 234

|- **234 **-|

To her credit, Bella seems oblivious to the attention they're drawing. And on many levels, it is truly a pleasure to witness her utter joy, not to mention the fact that my boner is back in full force, single-minded guy that he is. Even without my private-lesson-turned-fornication the other day, Bella's performance screams sex.

Loud, lusty, _dangerous_ sex, to be specific.

So, would I like a private showing? Hell and yes.

But this? This I can't watch.

With clenched fists and forced deep breaths, I push my way off the crowded floor.

"There you are," Jas says, handing me my drink.

**-o-**

"Jesus, Edward, you okay?"

I slam back my drink in three gulps. "Not so much."

Jasper's alarmed. "Hey, wanna get some fresh air?"

"And leave her here unprotected? Like _that_?" I gesture vaguely toward the girls.

"Edward."

His soft, assured voice draws my attention. "Come outside with me. The girls will be fine."

I know he's right, and I let him lead me to the side alley. Leaning back against the cool brick wall, I exhale forcefully and try to calm myself the fuck down.

"Talk to me, man."

"Jas…" Suddenly I just feel so small for my unfounded jealousy.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Aw, the poor guy is trying SO HARD_**. xxx ~BOH**


	235. Chapter 235

|- **235 **-|

My fingers fly into my hair, though the gesture no longer soothes me.

"Did you guys have a fight?" he asks quietly.

"No! God no. Nothing like that."

His eyes ask the obvious—_What the fuck is your problem then?_

"You saw her dress."

He smirks and I scowl. "Sorry," he says quickly, placating me with two palms out.

"So what? She's got a great body and she likes to show it off. You should be proud getting a girl like that."

"Pfffft," I huff.

"What's that mean?" he asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Bella could get any guy she wants."

**-o-**

"Maybe, but the guy she _wants_ seems to be _you_. Unless you're gonna go and do something to fuck it all up, that is."

I cross my arms and try to look intimidating. He ignores me and plows on.

"You're _not_ gonna go and fuck it all up, are you, Edward?"

I sigh heavily and spill my guts, hoping maybe he can say something to help. "Seeing the way other guys look at her just makes me lose my mind a little bit."

"Edward, I guarantee you she doesn't even notice the attention. She's over the moon for you, buddy."

**-o-**

"I guess I'm just having a bit of trouble accepting that I'm the one she's chosen. All of this…" I wave my hand game-show-host style, from my shoes to my jeans to my new shirt and my hair, "…just feels like I'm posing sometimes. She's just so amazing."

"She is. But have you forgotten you're quite the catch yourself?"

He's so earnest and worried about me and maybe the whiskey's kicking in, but I just start to laugh. "You coming on to me, Whitlock?"

"Yes, I want you," he deadpans. "How about we go inside and dance with our dates?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Most of you know I won't spoil the story for you in a review reply, so if you've made a prediction, whether it's right or wrong, I read it, I chuckled, I enjoyed...but I won't be answering. Thank you for your continued support for the story. Your loyalty has this story dangerously close to the 10K review mark. That's a lot of typing, folks! MWAH!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	236. Chapter 236

|- **236 **-|

On Jasper's advice, we stop at the bar and pick up four tequila shots. Focused solely on not spilling, I follow his lead, using my elbows and shoulders to cushion the blows from all angles.

The living, breathing organism that is the huddle of dancers pulls us in like a Venus Fly Trap digesting its supper. Alice's face lights up when she sees Jas, and she unwinds herself from Bella to latch onto him instead. Bella twists to find me and she brightens visibly.

"Where've you been?" she yells into my ear at close range.

I shrug. "I'm here now."

**-o-**

She celebrates that fact by kissing me enthusiastically. I hand her the shot, we clink and down they go. With no better options, I tuck the glasses into my pockets while she giggles at me.

Grasping my hips, Bella asks, "Ready?"

"Always," I answer eagerly.

"Gimme your leg."

Seconds later, she's straddling my thigh, the tiny swath of her dress sliding up toward what I've come to think of as "The Heartland" as she grinds on me.

I'm finally beginning to understand why people flock to clubs and wait in line for hours; it's one massive societally-sanctioned dry hump session.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** So, here we are, just over 10,000 reviews, including your questions, predictions, and many, many hilarious observations. I'm grateful for each one, for each of you who took the time to let me know you were out there reading and enjoying. I have to admit, I'm starting to get a little sloppy about returning every review for every chapter, and I hope you'll forgive me if I miss one or two. If it gets to be a while, or you really want an answer, just write something really obvious in your note, and I'll be sure and hit you back. Meanwhile, thanks, everyone.

Not bad for a little 4000-word character sketch. See what you did to me? (You girls who just _had_ to see how that first date went? You know who you are! _**It's ALL YOUR FAULT!**_) **XXX ~BOH**


	237. Chapter 237

|- **237 **-|

My eyes travel up the tantalizing column of exes from belly to cleavage, and my grip on her hips is all that holds me steady. Her eyes are wild with excitement as she wraps her hands behind my neck and leans up to kiss me.

Oxygen is nowhere to be found.

The techno beat pounds its way into my groin.

My hands slip behind her, her bare skin driving me mad, my fingers diving beneath the fabric.

Bella throws her head back, and I attack the sweet, exposed skin, pale against the choker.

Amidst the pulsating crowd, we're alone together.

**-o-**

Her lips are at my ear, every panting breath she takes caressing my insides.

"God, Edward ...m-m-m-more …_harder_."

I flex my thigh and knead her ass cheeks roughly with my hot hands.

She moans and pulls me closer and there's no question she's about to get off.

Right here. In the middle of the hot, sticky crowd.

"Do it, Baby. Fuck, you are so hot, Bella."

I clamp my mouth down at the base of her neck, drinking in her sweat and musk.

"Ahhh …._Don't stop!_ …Unggghhh …_grunt, grunt_ …MMMmmmmmmm!"

I embrace her protectively while she rides out her high.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Oh, Bella, you naughty girl__! It's a travel weekend, so I'll post, but review replies will be tough. (and this is Friday's because I have to get my big orange shell to bed early tonight!)_** XXX ~BOH**


	238. Chapter 238

|- **238 **-|

"Mmmm," she hums into my ear, moving off my leg and snuggling into my chest. "Thank you."

"The pleasure was all mine," I answer, yet before I've even finished getting out the words, I realize they're not quite true.

Bella smiles and moves her hand discreetly between us until it's resting on my significant hard-on. "Want me to finish you, Baby?"

"Here?" I nearly choke out.

She shrugs, amused.

"Thank you, but no." I'm a bit too old to walk around with jizz in my pants. "I think I better…"

_Go rub one out_.

"…Hit the men's room."

Bella winks.

**-o-**

"Can I come with?" she offers, eyebrows raised.

"You mean…?"

She shrugs again. _Jesus! _

_Bella in the men's room with me._

_Inside the stall._

_Down on her knees, sucking me off._

_No—too degrading, even for a fantasy. _

_Palms against the wall, legs spread, tiny dress bunched at her hips._

Crazed with desire, I grab her wrist and drag her to the bathroom door. "Wait for me right here?" I plead.

"Sure thing, honey. I'll be thinking of you."

I slam open the only available stall door, locking it behind me while yanking at my button with the other hand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_WATCH OUT! This man is on a serious mission...er, emission!_** XXX ~BOH**


	239. Chapter 239

|- **239 **-|

Fortunately, I remember the shot glasses lodged in my pockets—just in time. Bending to place them on the floor, I notice a wet spot near my knee. _Bella_.

With renewed vigor, I somehow manage to shove away my pants and boxers without breaking off my dick in the process. Steadying myself with one hand against the wall, I palm myself tip to balls with the other.

_Fuuuuuck,_ sweet relief.

I picture Bella, waiting outside, my sexy-as-fuck, freshly-drenched, barely-covered sentry.

My palm slicks along to the image of Bella's smug smirk; she's fully aware of what I'm doing in here.

**-o-**

_Bella bursts into the locked stall._

'_How did you—?'_

'_Shhh,' she urges, pressing her long, smooth legs against the back of mine._

_She peels my hand away, roughly placing it against the tiles with the other. Reaching around front, she wraps her insistent hand around my dick and strokes me firmly._

'_What a naughty boy you are, touching yourself in this dirty bathroom."_

_Her other hand cups my balls. _

"_Did you like it when I came all over your leg?'_

_The jerking gets faster and harsher now._

I bury my face into my arm to stifle my loud groans.

**-o-**

'_Mmm, your balls are so smooth. Does that feel good, Edward? Does it make you wanna come right now when I touch your cock like this?'_

Fuuuuuck yessss.

'_Come on, baby. Show me what I do to you.' Harder. Faster. Everywhere._

Pump. Pump. Squeeze.

I bite into my bicep as my release overtakes me. Streams of cum spill into the toilet. My hand slows and stills. I wad up some toilet paper and clean up best I can, mopping the sweat off my brow with a fresh handful.

I step over to the sink and see a most unwelcome sight.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ I am loving all the responses...everything from disbelief to excitement to outrage.(Especially loved mr h's reaction- He couldn't WAIT? and Happy Father's Day, honey!) Sorry I'm unable to respond for a few days here-well, except to mr h *winks*-but hope you'll continue to enjoy the story._

Public voting is now open for the summer UST contest-check out the entries on FFn and vote for your faves on their blog. And after you vote, I'd love to hear which one you think I wrote (PM please). Of course, I won't confirm or deny until the voting is completely finished! Have fun...get frustrated...read, review, and vote!**  
>fanfiction u3896678/Driven_To_Desire_Challenge**

**XXX ~BOH**


	240. Chapter 240

|- **240 **-|

"Fuckin' A," says the steroidal wonder at the urinal. "You just spanked the monkey, didn't you?" His grin is half-awe, half… I don't know, disappointment?

I ignore him and busy myself with water and soap.

"Dude," he continues, unimpeded, "have you _seen_ Bella's dress tonight?"

That warrants a nasty glare, so I give him my best, staring him down in the mirror. The guy has his dick in his hand; I'm not turning to look.

"Whoa, not for nothing, but I'm not the only guy in this place. And you leave a girl like that parked outside the men's …?"

**-o-**

Panic rips through me. _What the hell was I thinking?_ I shake out my hands and make a bee-line for the door.

"Hey, don't worry, my boys are with her now," he calls, injecting a fresh rush of adrenaline to my overstimulated nerves.

Fuck. I'm too late. Bella is surrounded by a pack of Jake-clone bodybuilders.

One in particular has her trapped against the wall with his elbow next to her head and his body way too fucking close to hers, while the others nod and grin at his audacity.

"Well, what I'd probably do," she starts, then sees me.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _I'm kinda glad I'm in radio silence for answering reviews right now. I LOVED all your guesses about what it was exactly that E saw when he left the stall. Jizz in his hair may have been my favorite answer_!** XXX ~BOH**


	241. Chapter 241

|- **241 **-|

"Edward, hey." She smiles, as if four guys aren't tearing off her clothes with their eyes and doing unspeakable things to her with other body parts. "This is Sam, Seth, Quil," she points around the circle, ending with the one who's practically on top of her, "and Embry."

They give me a cursory nod and refocus on the hot girl.

"I was just about to tell Embry," she starts, reaching her fingers to his hair, "that I'd trim back about two inches right here…"

_Aw, HELL NO_. My girlfriend did not just put her hands in that guy's skeevy hair!

**-o-**

I literally see stars.

My hands clench into fists and refuse to hear reason.

This is beyond stupid. _Epically_ stupid.

Four huge dudes right here and one more in the john.

My brain shifts into slow motion.

I swipe aside Seth …or was it Quil? …as if it fucking matters.

Bella turns toward me with a questioning look, which quickly turns to horror. Her eyes open wide and her mouth forms an 'O' …or is she yelling 'No!'?

Embry turns his ugly mug to face me just as my right hand swings up forcefully and there's a hideous crunching noise.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Well, I'm home now. Just in time for the crunching_**. XXX ~BOH**


	242. Chapter 242

|- **242 **-|

_Probably should've done that with my other hand_, I muse belatedly, as a pile of flesh-covered iron jumps on top of me, forcing my face into the linoleum flooring.

Through the muffled noises of male aggression and the soundtrack of knuckles meeting ribs and cheekbones and vital organs, I hear Bella crying and screaming for help.

_I've fucked up big time._

A large part of me wants these guys to keep on pounding, or at least make it so my eyes swell shut and I won't have to see the disappointment on her face.

I promised I'd try for her.

**-o-**

I'm drifting in and out; the body is merciful that way.

"Guys! OFF!" Hands that aren't exactly gentle unearth my crushed body and flip me onto my back. "Aww, fuck."

It's Jake. He's called off the dogs.

.

.

.

"Edward," Bella sobs, as the paramedics load me into the back of the ambulance.

_I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry._

_._

_._

_._

"We're following you to the hospital," Jas says, leaning close to my face.

_No… She can't see me …Please don't_

"Edward?" God bless him, Jasper sees in my eyes what I can't say.

"Okay," he says softly.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_I really hate writing angst._** :( XXX ~BOH**


	243. Chapter 243

|- **243 **-|

"The charges have been dropped," Jasper explains. "The owner of Grind doesn't want the bad publicity and neither does the gym where they all work."

Bella's gym.

I close my eyes and let the painkillers take me away.

.

.

.

"I'm Dr. Nate Banner."

He pulls up a chair next to my bed and I eye him suspiciously. The other doctors poke and prod, but not this one. His smile reminds me of my fourth-grade teacher Mr. Perkins, the only adult who ever got what happened on the playground and in the cafeteria.

"I'm here to listen," he adds.

**-o-**

"Edward."

Louder. "_Edward_."

My eyes squint open to the sting of the sunny room, and the large shadowy mass steps closer. He wrings his hands nervously before shoving them into the front pockets of his tight jeans.

"Fucking hell, Edward. You look hideous."

"Emmett! _Easy_."

"What, Rosie? I'm just being honest."

Turning back to me, Emmett grins and says, "Heard you broke the bastard's nose."

"Jesus, Em," Rose says, pushing him aside. She flinches when she gets a close-up of my two black eyes, starting to turn a sickly color of green.

"Are you in much pain?"

I drift off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ Poor banged-up Edward. Well, at least he's not going to jail for assault and battery! Rob's letting me borrow Dean for a couple weeks until this all gets sorted out...oh, you know who you are, **Jayme DuRob**!_

So, I'll be hanging with Robsmyyummy Cabanaboy, Kitkat, and Shell Shock on Cape Cod this weekend but still posting and reading your reviews, answering when I can. Yeah, YOU try writing with those three around! ;) Meanwhile...hang in there, Shampoo Girls. I'm an optimist! **XXX ~BOH**


	244. Chapter 244

|- **244 **-|

"Have you heard anything from Bella?" Jas asks.

I shrug and look forlornly at the phone on the table.

"Have you reached out to her, Edward?"

"No," I croak out, my voice raspy from lack of use.

"It's been two days, E. You've gotta say something."

I try to turn onto my side, away from him, but it hurts too much. He comes closer. "Edward, I brought your phone. Tell me what you want to say and I'll type it for you."

Tears burn in my swollen eyes. "Just tell her I'm sorry."

He nods and squeezes my shoulder gently.

**-o-**

"They're releasing you tomorrow, Edward."

"Whoop-dee-doo."

"You're not pleased to be going home?"

"No, _Nate_," I bite. "Nothing to go home to."

"Have you heard from your girlfriend?"

"No, and I don't expect to."

"And that bothers you."

"Wow, how many years did you have to go to school for that?"

He chuckles. "Twenty-two all told." He scratches his head and scrunches up his face. "I guess that wasn't one of my more intuitive moments. Sorry."

His self-derision sucks the wind right out of my angry sails. "I'm sorry, too. I don't know how not to be an asshole anymore."

**-o-**

"Rose, what good am I gonna be at work? I can't even hold a goddamn pencil."

She sighs heavily on the other end of the phone. "I just hate the thought of you rattling around all alone in that house of yours. How about if Emmett and I bring dinner by tonight?"

"I appreciate it, Rose, but I'm really not fit for company."

"Edward, we're family."

"Just let me wallow for a couple of days."

Another heavy sigh on her end.

"Rose." I can hear my voice break, and I just can't go there again. "A couple days. Please."

"Fine."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh poor Walloward. I really hope Kitkat doesn't smack me, because today she could actually leave a mark! Pretty sure Jen and Shelley won't hurt me, but I'm not turning my back on anyone near the pool today!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	245. Chapter 245

|- **245 **-|

"Dinnertime!"

"What the_ fuck_? How'd you get in here?"

He dangles the spare key. "Jesus, Edward. You showered lately?"

"Fuck off, Em. And give me back that key, while you're at it."

"Yeah, right," he snorts, taking the bag he brought over to the microwave. "Rose says you've had your two days, and she told me not to come home until you eat something."

"That's one way to get rid of your sorry ass," I huff.

"_My_ ass is sorry?" he laughs derisively. "What the hell is that awful show you're watching anyway?"

"It's called 'Morgana Takes Over.'"

"She's nasty."

**-o-**

"You can go now, Em. I showered. I ate. I even changed my bandages. Mission accomplished."

"Not quite, bro." He plops down indelicately next to me. "What's your plan?"

"Well, I thought I'd start cooking that State Dinner I'm hosting tomorrow, and then later, climb Mt. Everest—"

"Edward, cut it out."

"Cut what out?"

"Stop pretending like you don't care."

"Jesus FUCK, Emmett! Of course I care!"

He sits quietly for a second, then asks, "Well, why aren't you doing anything about it?"

"There's nothing to do. She doesn't want any part of me. I have to respect that."

**-o-**

"That's bullshit."

"How is that bullshit? You want me to stalk her?"

"If that's what it takes to get her back, yes."

I fall back against the couch, suddenly exhausted. "How about making yourself useful and getting me some Advil before you go?"

He wants to say more, but he's too smart to place his head inside the lion's mouth. "How many do you need?"

"Three, no, make it four."

He saunters to my side, hands me the water, and opens his hand. "This isn't gonna take away your pain, you know."

The look is back. The pity. "Thanks, Buddha."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Yeah, he know. Yeah, he cares_. _We love you, Emmett_.** XXX ~BOH**


	246. Chapter 246

|- **246 **-|

I realize I haven't scared Emmett away when I feel the cushions next to me sink with his weight.

"Emmett, I don't know what you want from me."

"I don't know either, Edward. It's just …we all thought …"

I know what they all thought. I thought it, too. Right before I blew it being the possessive asshole I'd promised not to be.

"Fuck, Em, it's not like we declared our undying love for each other."

He turns to me and there's nowhere to hide from his piercing gaze. "Don't give me that crap. You shaved your balls for her."

**-o-**

I attempt deflection with a sarcastic tongue, "Actually, _she_ shaved my balls, if you want to get technical about it."

"I don't," he answers quietly.

"If you're trying to cheer me up, it's not working. In fact, you suck at it, BIG TIME."

"It's not my job to cheer you up. It's my job to get your ass up off this couch and back in Bella's arms, where it belongs."

"Well, then, I guess you suck at that, too."

He regards me again, and must see the defeat in my eyes, because seconds later, I see it mirrored in his.

**-o-**

Without another word, he stands and packs up all his empty containers, grabs the handles of the bag, and heads for the door.

I owe him an apology but he feels too sorry for me to demand it. Instead, he finds a way to make me feel even lower. "You know, for a while there, I was really starting to enjoy being in your company."

He shakes his head sadly, turns the handle and leaves.

.

.

.

I flip the little white card over and over. It's nothing fancy, no spiffy graphics. Just a good old-fashioned offer of help.

_Dr. Nathan Banner._

**-o-**

I barely recognize myself in the bathroom mirror. I look like I've been living in the wilderness for a week without benefit of a comb or razor, and somewhere along the way, was attacked by a wild cougar.

A small part of me is happy Bella hasn't responded to my texts or voice mails. My outward appearance only mimics the decline within, and I'm not fit to even consider groveling at Bella's feet.

Pulling out the distinctive can of Mystique shaving gel, I lather up my beard. The razor glides through the dense forest and soon, I'm smooth and exposed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Attacked by a wild cougar...*grins_* **XXX ~BOH**


	247. Chapter 247

|- **247 **-|

"Good to have you back, Edward," Jasper says. "It's not the same without you."

I drop into the leather chair. "Yeah, I know. I'm just a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day."

Jas half-smiles and regards me warily.

"How is she, Jasper?"

He blows out a heavy breath. "Are you sure you wanna hear?"

"I don't think I can sink much lower. Just give me the truth. She's dating someone else already, isn't she?"

He reels back as if slapped in the face. "Is _that_ what you think is going on here?"

"How the hell should I know, Jas?"

**-o-**

"How the hell should—?" he repeats dumbly, before collapsing back into his chair. "You don't have the first clue, do you?"

I'm out of my chair like a shot. "Jasper, spit it out already before I jump across your desk and—"

"She's devastated. Crushed. Distraught. Depressed. Agonizingly, inconsolably, utterly lost."

His revelation eviscerates me. I never considered that there would be something worse than Bella moving on without me, but this is far, far worse. And it's entirely my fault.

Numbly, I turn and walk through his door and wander upstairs to a quiet corner.

"Nate, it's Edward."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ *Cues music*_ To hear the soundtrack, get yourself over to** youTube, **then add this after com:** /watch?v=Bztxd7BJSco** (delete spaces). Yes, convoluted but FF did not appreciate my link.

A word about timing- it's been ten days since the Grind episode (a few days in the hospital, a couple days home before Emmett's visit, a couple days after). Now it's Monday, exactly ONE WEEK until his next appointment. _Dun, dun, DUNNNNN!_

On another note (arr-arrhh) I wrote a slash one-shot for a UST contest. (You can check out the other entrants-i.e. WINNERS-at the author name **Driven to Desire Challenge**) My story, _**The Pleasure of the President,**_ is now posted to my own author account as well. Here's a summary:

Presidentward may have a thing for his hunky Secret Service bodyguard Emmett McCarty who may (read, _definitely does_) have a thing right back. Political intrigue and high drama against a backdrop of romance and longing, the White House was never this lustful. Oh wait, yes it totally was.

**XXX ~BOH**


	248. Chapter 248

**A/N**: _It's Tuesday..._

|- **248 **-|

"I'm really glad you called me yesterday, Edward."

"Why? Are you feeling lonely, Dr. B?" I lean back into the faded sofa cushion, cross my arms over my chest, and prop my shoes up onto the cheap oak coffee table. He could do so much better than these bargain basement furnishings.

"Ah, sarcasm. The great time waster," he responds without amusement. "Well, it's your dime, I suppose."

The doctor flexes his right knee, drawing the ankle up onto his left thigh, and waits.

This is really stupid. I have work to do, and this guy's costing me a fortune.

**-o-**

"Fine. I'm miserable. Is that what you want me to say?"

"Sure, if it's true. Misery's always a good place to start."

"Perfect," I growl. Banner doesn't seem impressed.

"So what's making you so miserable?"

"Oh, gee, I dunno. My girlfriend won't acknowledge my existence, I have a crummy broken hand and can't work, and I can't stand the sight of my own reflection. Izzat enough?"

"Hmm. That does sound a sorry state of affairs. Let's see, can you make those broken bones heal any faster?"

What? "Uh …no?"

"And how about that girlfriend. Have any control over that situation?"

**-o-**

"Aside from sending her flowers and written apologies by text, email, and the US Postal Service? Oh, and having my best friend pass _her_ best friend a note in Study Hall?"

Fuck, that was a real stroke of brilliance, there. As if Jas could solve my problem for me.

"Does she know you're here today?"

"Hell no." Tell Bella I'm in therapy? Yeah, that will really help her see me as a stable individual.

"Okay. Not much more you can do on that front then, eh?"

"No," I agree glumly.

"So let's talk about this guy in the mirror then."


	249. Chapter 249

|- **249 **-|

"What is it you don't like about the guy reflected back?"

I slide my feet onto the floor and lean forward, elbows on my knees, eyes to the carpet. "For starters, he's a jealous asshole."

"Tell me more about the jealousy, Edward. What does that feel like?"

Overwhelming. Debilitating. Scary.

"It makes me feel out of control. Angry, unreasonable, Jesus, I turn into the Incredible Hulk!"

"And is this a pattern you recognize?"

"No!" I answer quickly, lifting my eyes to the earnest pair across the table. "I don't understand this at all. It has never happened to me before."

**-o-**

"Have you ever cared about anyone else the way you care about Bella?"

"No."

"That was quick," he observes. "You don't want to think about my question?"

"Don't need to. It's the easiest one you've asked me yet. Nobody comes close to touching my feelings for Bella."

His voice softens, "Does she return your feelings?"

This time, I do pause to ponder my answer, checking the ceiling, the inside of my eyelids, and the floor for clues. "It seems like she did."

"Did."

I turn my anguished face toward the doctor.

"Okay," he says, "we'll come back to that."

_Awesome._


	250. Chapter 250

|- **250 **-|

"Tell me about how Bella showed her affection for you."

At first, it hurts too much reliving the good times. But once I start talking, the memories spill out. Well, the ones rated up through PG-13, anyway. The others stay locked in the vault. Banner doesn't need to hear about our _Bel Ami_ weekend in order to fix me.

I tell him about that first haircut—how Bella went out of her way for me and flirted and even how she burned me.

Our first date—the guessing, the zeppole, our first kiss in the parking lot. Even the Pisa.

**-o-**

His eyebrows lift along with the sides of his mouth. "You broke your chair?"

My cheeks are hot and I instantly regret sharing. "It was a design flaw," I hasten to add.

"What happened right after that?"

I pick at an imaginary piece of lint at my knee, my lips curling up involuntarily. "We laughed for about five minutes."

"Laughter's good. _Then_?"

"Yeah …we …took it to the bedroom." I chance a look at him.

"I take it things were good between you …in the bedroom …in general?"

"Yes. Amazing, actually."

"Too good to be true, maybe?" he probes gently.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Gentle probing. *snickers* So, I know the numbers are all messed because of the multiples, but this is 250. That's 250 days -more or less- since we started this crazy ride! Thanks_.** XXX ~BOH**


	251. Chapter 251

|- **251 **-|

"Why would you say that?" I deflect, both fully aware he's hit an exposed nerve.

"In my experience, Edward, jealousy becomes a problem for people in two instances. First, where there are prior abandonment issues or misplaced trust. From everything I've learned about your family life and previous romantic history, that's not your damage. Have I missed something there?"

"So we don't have to talk about my mother?" I half-joke. Honestly, I'd just assumed everyone had to.

"Not unless you want to," Banner answers, barely stifling a grin.

"No, I'm good there."

Banner nods knowingly. "So, then, the other instance…"

**-o-**

_Here it comes_.

"Jealousy tends to sprout up where one person in the relationship feels he's undeserving of the other, and therefore, is destined to eventually lose his partner. Once the subconscious mind gets hold of that conundrum, it functions to protect the ego. The logic goes something like this: She's bound to leave me anyway, so I'm going to invent a justification to leave her first. I'm afraid it creates a self-fulfilling prophecy."

"And you think this describes what happened to me?"

"Yes."

The simplicity of his direct response forces me back into the stiff cushions of the couch.

**-o-**

My eyes pinch closed and I fight to still the accusatory voices:

_You did this.  
><em>_You were right—you don't deserve her.  
><em>_Stupid ego._

"Edward." His calm voice breaks through the storm. "This does not have to be a permanent state of affairs. Look at me, please?"

Cautiously, I open my eyes. Banner is leaning forward in his seat, elbows folded on his knees, his face tipped upwards, completely non-threatening.

"You mean, I might get her back?"

He smiles kindly. "The goal would be for you to see yourself clearly, see you're worthy of Bella—or anyone else you choose."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_FYI, You might want to remember I was an ACCOUNTING major, so this is all based on research and perhaps a few hours on the 'VISITOR' side of the room. Just in case anyone is planning on getting better from reading this or some such nonsense._** :) XXX ~BOH**


	252. Chapter 252

_He smiles kindly. "The goal would be for you to see yourself clearly, see you're worthy of Bella—or anyone else you choose."_

* * *

><p>|- <strong>252 <strong>-|

"I choose Bella," I answer immediately.

"Fine," he answers, placating me with two extended palms. "My point is that it should always be your choice. You don't have to let your subconscious run the show here."

"How do I …fix this?"

"I want you to do some thinking, and come back and see me when you're ready."

"Come back?" I echo miserably. "How long is this going to take?"

"Edward, what did you think? That you were going to walk out of here today all fixed? I'm sorry, buddy, my magic wand is out for repairs."

Funny.

"What about Bella?"

**-o-**

"What _about_ her?"

"Emmett and Jasper think it might help if I …should I …?"

"Tell her your dirty little secret?"

"Yeah, I mean, no offense or anything."

A small, soundless laugh escapes him. "I'm not offended, Edward."

"God, I'm such an idiot."

"You're fine. This is all just new for you. You're not used to telling your story."

"What's my story?"

"Well, how about that you have a problem and you're willing to work on making yourself better for her?"

"Think that'll help?"

"Would you like her to know she's important to you?"

"Of course!"

"Then yes, it'll help."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _No offense. HA! Thank you for all the thoughtful reviews_. **XXX ~BOH**


	253. Chapter 253

|- **253 **-|

"So what am I supposed to think about?"

He smiles broadly and clasps his hands together. "I thought you'd never ask!"

I leave the office ten minutes later with a lighter heart and my marching orders.

_What is it exactly you feel Bella deserves, and how exactly do you fall short?_

I'm sure Emmett and Jas will be able to help me with the second part. I've been a Grade-A asswipe since the incident, good to nobody, especially myself.

_I'll be in after lunch_, I text Jas. I drop my car near the office and walk to the nearby park.

**-o-**

I grab a loaded hot dog from my favorite cart and find myself an out-of-the-way tree trunk to slide down and perch for a while. I'm going to start my thinking right this instant.

_What does Bella deserve?_

_Respect_.  
>Valuing her thoughts and desires.<p>

_Adoration_.  
>Pampering, appreciating her gifts, bringing her pleasure.<p>

_Support_.  
>Hearing her, coaxing out her best, standing tall so she can lean.<p>

_Trust._

My hot dog sours in my mouth, and the remainder drops into the grass. I know exactly where I fall short, without any help from anyone.

Painstakingly, left-handedly, I text the doctor, _I'm ready_.

**-o-**

_**Tomorrow, 7 am**_, Banner returns. Jesus.

_Is this punishment?_

_**This is reality. I'm booked, but I'm willing to come in early if you're serious about your recovery. You want this or not?**_

_Yes and thx._

_**See you then**__._

My next text is much more difficult, especially with only one working hand.

_Bella, I know I fucked up. Sorry doesn't cut it. Want you to know_

Aw fuck. Tears sting my eyes as stupid pride threatens to get in the way. We're bigger than my shame.

_I'm working to be better for you._

My heart pounds wildly as I push _SEND_.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Poor guy. Left-handed texting, all that shame, and now? What will she say_? **XXX ~BOH**


	254. Chapter 254

|- **254 **-|

The phone buzzes just moments later, and I read my fate.

_**You said that last time.**_

FUUUUUUCK! Deep breath. She's right, you know. Time to lay my cards on the table.

_But this time I'm getting help._

At least her next answer is mercifully quick, which fills me with hope.

_**Help?**_

_A doc from the hospital- a psychologist._

_**Oh. Good.**_

Ugh. Interpreting texts is always sketchy. I know we desperately need to talk, but I might only get one chance at this, and I can't risk screwing things up again.

_Can you give me some time to work this out?_

**-o-**

No response. My heart wrenches. Will she wait for me?

_**Time sounds like a good thing.**_

And suddenly, it doesn't.

I can't bear another of her messages.

_So I'll call you then?_

_**Sure. Take care, Edward**__._

Take care. Have a nice life.

I stuff the phone in my pocket, turn my head to the side and barf up my lunch.

It's not going to be easy, peeling away the curtain and inviting Banner to run amok in my subconscious, but I know one thing: this pity party is officially over.

Time for the phoenix to rise from the assholeness.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Heartache and vomit. Wonderful. But that loaded hot dog just had to go! So...I'm hesitant to answer reviews right now, really not wanting to spoil the story. Go ahead and rant and curse and cast spells-I'm reading them all...from a safe hiding place. A thick, orange, bullet-proof shell_. **XXX ~BOH**


	255. Chapter 255

|- **255 **-|

"Tell me how you make Bella feel adored," he prods.

"I thought I was supposed to think about what I _don't_ do," I complain.

"Humor me," he answers.

"Fine. For starters, I cook for her, buy her gifts; I go out of my way to try new things I know she likes…"

"Okay," he cuts in, but I'm not finished yet.

"I'm always hot for her, but her pleasure always comes first."

Banner nods matter-of-factly to my intimate revelation. "Does Bella feel adored by you?"

"Damn straight, she does."

He smirks. "Could anyone else make her feel any _more_ adored?"

**-o-**

"I can't imagine how."

"What about respect? Does she know you respect her?"

We continue back and forth this way until he makes me admit that nobody else could adore, respect or support her better than I do.

"Do you really believe that, Edward?"

"Yes," I answer with all my heart.

"Then how is it that you believe Bella deserves better than you, if you're already doing all these things better than anyone else, by your own admission?"

"That's just psychobabble mumbo-jumbo voodoo," I grumble.

"They're all your own words, Edward."

I sit back heavily, arms folded and eyes narrowed.

**-o-**

"I can see that you're itching to get to your shortcomings, so go ahead. What is it that she deserves that you can't deliver?"

I produce the magic answer. "Trust." There's no trumpet fanfare, no girl bursting through the doors to take me back.

"And why does she deserve that?"

"Because she's never given me reason to doubt her loyalty."

"Then, why _do_ you?"

"What? I don't."

There's a brief stare down, followed by a gentle, "Tell me what happened at the club."

"I've already …_fine_. I came out of the bathroom, this pack of hungry wolves was surrounding her…"

**-o-**

"And what was Bella's demeanor?"

I feel the tension mounting, my possessive reflexes kicking in at the memory.

_Bella's genuine smile at seeing me …"Edward, hey" …_

"Bring me with you, Edward." The doctor's voice cuts in. "What do you see?"

"Too many guys. One's way too close and he's looking at Bella like she's the prize for ringing the bell with the damn hammer."

"I'll bet he could do it, too," Banner comments, causing my stomach to flop over and make me glad I skipped breakfast.

"His muscles had muscles," I moan miserably.

"And Bella was admiring those muscles?"

**-o-**

"Who wouldn't?" I snap back.

"Was Bella admiring them?" he asks again, ignoring my comment and sending my head back to the scene of the crime.

_Bella's fingers running through the guy's hair …her casual offer of advice—_

"Not that I could tell, specifically."

"Hmm. You know what seems odd to me? In your long list of qualities that Bella deserves in a man, you never once mentioned muscle-bound."

"Okay, allow me to file an addendum then," I gripe, frustration building inside me. "Bella deserves a strapping, young, hip guy who can recognize more than two songs on her iPod."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Oh!_** XXX ~BOH**


	256. Chapter 256

_"Bella deserves a strapping, young, hip guy who can recognize more than two songs on her iPod."_

* * *

><p>|- <strong>256 <strong>-|

Dr. Banner allows my ugly truth to explode in the air around us. I notice I'm breathing heavily and the fingers of my left hand are tightly clenched around my knee.

"Is that _really_ what you feel is important to Bella? Has she ever given you any indication those are the qualities she values in a man?"

"Of course not. Isn't it understood?"

"Edward," he sighs, sinking back into his seat, "I gotta tell ya. Almost every person who sits on that couch, at one point or another, thinks he can read minds. In my experience, very few actually can."

**-o-**

"Unless you're claiming to be a mind-reader, let's stick with the physical evidence—what she says, how she responds to you—and leave the telepathy to the psychic hot lines. Deal?"

The wind leaves my sails in one enormous rush. "Fine."

"You told me yesterday that your sex life was satisfying."

Cue mad blush. "Yes."

"Based on the evidence," he says slowly and clearly, "do you believe she felt the same?"

Now I know why I waited ten days to subject myself to this.

"You're asking me if I made my girl _come_?"

"If that's your definition of satisfying, yes."

**-o-**

"Yes."

"Yes, that's your definition, or yes, she seemed satisfied?"

"The latter. I mean, both, but there's so much more than just that."

"I wholeheartedly agree," he says, smiling warmly. "That 'more' you speak of, you gave her that, too?"

My head fills with Bella's happy giggles, her ever-present smile, her sexy, playful teasing. Tender touches in bed, in my shower, at her salon. Wild, growly, passionate sex in the Rumpus Room, the Quiet Room, my living room, the godforsaken dance floor.

"We gave that to each other." My voice cracks on the past tense verb, acknowledging what I've lost.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Aw, JEEZ! Wild, growly PASSION! What more could a girl want? Happy Fourth of July!_

PLEASE be sure you're posting as your logged-in self if you want me to know who you are or be able to reply! This new feature allowing anonymous reviews has left me guessing more than once! And** mr h.**..get on that iPad and WRITE ME A REVIEW, baby! **XXX ~BOH**


	257. Chapter 257

|- **257 **-|

"But you're older than she is," he challenges. "And you don't know her music. And no offense, but you're no Arnold Schwarzenegger."

"I brought her breakfast in bed and bought her a corset and let her teach me to grind and …_hair_ _modeled_ for her!" The mother of all indignities.

"So?" I know he's playing me with his devil's advocate routine, but he's still pissing me off.

"So, she loved those things about me."

"What's your evidence?"

"She TOLD me!"

"Edward. Call me crazy, but it sounds like you were making the girl pretty damn happy."

"Up until I wasn't."

**-o-**

"Right. Your Incredible Hulk impersonation. Let's dive back into that moment."

I sigh heavily and pull my left hand through my hair, which, being the wrong hand, is surprisingly uncomforting. Banner regards my pained expression and reassures, "Edward, I promise we're getting somewhere. Just stick with it. Trust me."

_Trust._ I doubt he used the word by accident; he doesn't seem to say anything by accident.

"Fine. So, she's surrounded by these …physical specimens. And she puts her fingers in the one guy's hair."

Banner's eyebrow lifts but he's silent.

I explain, "She's a professional hair stylist. It was business."

**-o-**

"Does she always conduct business just outside the men's room?"

"Hey!"

"Easy, tiger. Did Bella know about your jealousy issue?"

"Yes. I'd already screwed up before this. We had an arrangement."

"What's that?"

"I'd agreed to try not to go caveman and she'd agreed to try not to incite the beast."

"And how was that working?"

"Pretty well. I mean, I still had my challenges, but we were both doing our best. Bella was wearing less revealing clothes at work and trying to be less flirty."

"And that made you feel good, that she was modifying her behavior for you?"

**-o-**

Truth be told, it was starting to make me feel incredibly guilty. "Yes and no. I was pleased she was willing to put forth the effort, but I was starting to feel like an asshole. I mean, who am I to tell her how to dress, how to act?"

"Someone who recognizes his triggers and asks someone he cares about to help him."

"Are you saying I wasn't wrong then?"

"I'm saying you did the best you could, short of getting professional help. Edward, it's not the world's job to make sure you don't overreact; it's not even your girlfriend's."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Hmmm..._ **XXX ~BOH**


	258. Chapter 258

_ Edward, it's not the world's job to make sure you don't overreact; it's not even your girlfriend's."_

* * *

><p>|- <strong>258 <strong>-|

"So it's yours then?" I tease, finally allowing myself to smile.

"This is what I get for not letting you blame it all on your mother," he answers, adding a congenial wink. "Truth is, your heart was never really into blaming Bella for any of this. Did you hear yourself attack me for even suggesting she contributed to the situation?"

"Yeah." Mr. Chivalry. Big fat lot of good it's done me. "So I assume you can teach me how not to overreact?"

"That I can."

"Okay …hit me."

He laughs out loud. "I love your eagerness."

"That's what she said."

**-o-**

Twenty minutes later, I exit, armed with new homework and my third appointment. He's "fast-tracked" me, impressed with my zeal. There's nothing I want more than to improve myself and be the man that Bella needs.

A man responsible for his own emotions and his responses to them.

A man who can fully accept that his girlfriend is gorgeous and fun and younger and will always attract attention, but know that _I'm_ the only one she desires—and that I'm enough for her.

A man who does not require his girlfriend to change herself to compensate for his own insecurities.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ It's not always the mother...I knew it!_ _Spending the weekend in HOT HOT HOT Vegas with mr. h...need I say more?_ ;) ** XXX ~BOH**


	259. Chapter 259

|- **259 **-|

"Well, hey there," Jas greets my frame in his doorway. "You look like a man on a mission."

"I am," I admit to my oldest friend. "I've seen Banner again. Got new homework."

"Oh yeah?" Jas smirks. "Do I get to tell you what a dickwad you are some more?"

"No," I sigh, settling myself in his arm chair. "But I think you'll have just as much fun with this one."

"Damn, I love therapy! Okay, what's next?"

I roll my eyes. "I'm supposed to practice handling agitation."

Jasper grins. "You're asking me to agitate you?"

"I think I am."

**-o-**

Jasper leans forward and clasps his hands atop his desk. "You sure, buddy? Seems kind of harsh."

"I have to practice my mindfulness and emotion regulation skills."

"Promise not to shoot the messenger?" he hedges.

"I'll do my best."

"Okay. So …I picked up Alice at Mystique yesterday…"

"Wait, wait, WAIT! If you're about to tell me you saw Bella with some other guy, I'm not sure I'm ready for that yet."

"Edward, I already assured you, Bella is not interested in another guy."

"Okay." The oxygen returns to my brain. "Continue."

"I don't know quite how to say this…"

**-o-**

"Just say it already."

"Fine. Your ugly mug is taking up the entire wall over Bella's station."

"_Ugh_. Poor Bella," I say, miserably.

"Poor _Bella_? I almost fainted when I saw it. Jesus, Edward, you couldn't give a guy a warning?"

"It's not exactly something I wanted to brag about, dipshit."

"Yeah, I can see why. How'd she talk you into that one?"

"Look who's talking. Sit, Jasper. Stay, Jasper. Heel—" _Fuck_. My first trip out with the shiny new wagon, and the wheels have already fallen off.

"I'm sorry," I tell him, pausing to take a deep breath.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Old habits die hard...so he's not perfect yet_. **XXX ~BOH**


	260. Chapter 260

|- **260 **-|

I feel angry. My manhood feels threatened.

That sucks, but I'm not going to let it rule me.

"Sorry for taking out my anger on you."

Jasper looks impressed with my quick recovery. Well, I haven't always been an asshole, just lately.

"So, how bad was it?"

"You want _more_?" He's reluctant to poke the beast.

I hold my hand out between us, facing my cupped palm inward, and wag my fingertips Matrix-style. "Bring it."

Jas smiles widely. "You look like a pack of wild hyenas in heat mated all over your head."

I nearly bust a newly-healed rib laughing.

**-o-**

"Fuck. Ow. Crap. Stop, Jas."

"Damn, it's good to see you laugh again, buddy."

"Well aside from the violent stabbing pain, it _feels_ good to laugh again."

"So, you think this guy knows what he's doing?"

"I do."

"Well, thank fuck," he says. "I need my friend back."

"I'm working on it, Jas."

"I can see that," he smiles again.

"How is Bella?"

His smile disappears. "Honestly? She's not good, Edward. Anyone can tell just by looking at her, she's not herself. Alice says she doesn't laugh or even smile anymore, and you can't see a square inch of skin."

**-o-**

"This is all my fault."

"Hey," Jasper says, rising in his seat. "You're doing the best you can here. Just keep on the path. It's all you can do."

"She knows I'm working on it?"

"Alice says that's all that's keeping Bella going."

That's some measure of comfort.

"If you want to be agitated, you should let Emmett and Rose go at you a bit. I suck at this."

"Yeah," I admit, "I never could get mad at you."

"How's your hand healing?"

"Slowly, but at least I can manage a pencil with my thumb now."

"Go draw something, E."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** :)** XXX ~BOH**


	261. Chapter 261

|- **261 **-|

Brilliant. Why didn't I think of it? Well, aside from the fact that the result coming off my charcoal is less than perfectly rendered and it kills my thumb, drawing was a stroke of genius. And the first thing to make me truly happy since I botched things at Grind.

I arrange myself at the drawing table, the warm sun filtering through the windows at my back and a fresh pad of sketch paper in front of me. Before I know it, I've filled pages and pages with Bella.

Bella naked, Bella clothed, vignettes of taut muscles and navel rings.

**-o-**

"Perfecting the headboard design?"

Emmett's voice startles me and the tip of the pencil goes flying through Bella's left nipple.

"Oh," he says, peering curiously over the edge of the table. "That's not furniture."

"What was your first clue?" I gripe.

"The nip—"

"That was rhetorical," I quickly add, not pleased that Emmett has basically just seen my girl without her clothes on.

"You can draw," he grins.

"Yeah. It hurts, but I can do it."

"Guess you just needed the proper motivation."

"What do you need, Em?"

"Nothing. Jasper said I should come up here and aggravate you."

**-o-**

"That didn't take very long."

"So, what's your deal?" Emmett asks, sinking into my loveseat, stretching his long legs, and clasping his hands behind his neck.

"My deal is I'm trying to get a handle on my emotions. The doc gives me homework assignments, and then I report back on my progress."

"Did the doc tell you to draw dirty pictures of your girl?"

"No," I answer, gathering them up. "That was Jas's idea …sort of."

"Well, tell him thank you for me. She's fuck hot."

"What the FUCK, Emmett?"

His eyebrows lift.

Jesus, I'm an easy mark these days.

**-o-**

I feel a spark of anger, but no sooner do I identify the emotion, then it's passed through my system.

"Hunh, that's interesting," I observe.

"What is?"

"I don't feel like bashing your face in."

"Wish I could say the same, big brother," Emmett comments.

"Hey, how's Carlisle's table coming along?"

"Pretty good. We've gone back and forth a few rounds on the pedestal, but we're getting close. He's already almost finished his next thing."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"He's working on a love seat for the Infinity Collection."

"A love seat?" I grin. "Poor smitten bastard."

"I know, right?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh that was FUN to write! FYI- it's Thursday, five days before his appointment, in BOH time...who knows?_

_Between travel and summer, I haven't done a great job keeping up with review replies on every chapter. PLEASE if you have a question or really want a response, send me a PM instead of a review (or in addition, if you really love seeing your words out there) and I will answer it. Please know that I do read and cherish each one. _**XXX ~BOH**


	262. Chapter 262

|- **262 **-|

"Thank you for coming in early again," I tell Dr. B.

"It's my pleasure. How'd you do with your assignment?"

"Well, luckily I work with family and close friends, so there was no shortage of agitation."

Banner laughs. "So you got in some good practice?"

"I did. The mindfulness piece was amazingly helpful."

"How so?"

"It lets me experience the anger without any judgment, and I don't feel the need to cook the emotion into something bigger."

He smiles wide. "Go to the head of the class, Mr. Cullen."

"Actually, doc, that's not exactly where I need to get to."

**-o-**

"In four days, I have an appointment with Bella."

"You mean, a date?"

"No. I mean, I have a haircut scheduled. I made it six weeks ago and nearly forgot about it in all this madness, but Emmett was teasing me about my rock star hair yesterday, and I remembered."

_Please don't tell me not to see her._

"In that case," he answers, "let's batten down the hatches today, and book you in for another appointment Monday morning. I want you in tip-top condition for that haircut."

His confidence flows through me like warm honey. "You think I'll be ready?"

**-o-**

"This is a process, but you've already come a long way. Motivation is at least three-quarters of the work, and I rarely see a patient as focused as you."

"I've got an awful lot to earn back," I answer.

"Edward, I have to caution you not to put the cart before the horse. Remember, the goal is getting your feelings under control and balancing your wise mind with your emotional mind. That said, if she's the girl you've described, she'll recognize your progress and spur you on."

"I hope you're right, Doc."

"Ready to talk about distress tolerance?"

"Let's go!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _The question is, where is Bella going to apply those spurs?_ **XXX ~BOH**


	263. Chapter 263

|- **263 **-|

"Come on, Em. Say something else."

"Edward, this isn't gonna—"

"_Help_ me."

His eyes flick over to Rose, who shrugs. "Fine. I want to bury my face between Bella's legs and …and …lick her juices. And when I've had enough of that, I'll flip her over, take her ass in both hands," he punctuates this with an obscene hand motion, "and—aren't you gonna stop me?"

I shrug and smile. "Nothing. I got nothing."

"That's great, Edward," Rose chimes in, "but the simulation isn't exactly a true test. And Emmett doesn't really want to do those things. _Do_ you?"

**-o-**

"Um—"

"_Emmett Cullen_!"

"Of course not, Rosie. Sheesh! I'm just trying to keep it real …for my brother's sake."

"Enough, you two. You've been at it all weekend. Edward, you're doing great, but I think you've gone as far as you can without actually being in the same room with Bella—and a _real_ man."

"Hey!" protests Emmett, but Rose barrels on. "You just need to have faith, in yourself and in Bella."

"I know, Rose. You're right. It's the waiting that's killing me. I've imagined every negative scenario."

"Well, cut that out."

If only it were that simple.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** In this weird and wonderful community of ours, where words are all most of us know about each other, I met a person whose real life name was Gisela, but I knew her as mad4hugh. She'd catch up in mad spurts of chapters and share a thought or a question and let me know a little piece of her, and that was a privilege. She was generous and kind and supportive and real. Her tragic death is a huge loss to our fandom, and my heart goes out to her family and friends. **XXX ~BOH**


	264. Chapter 264

|- **264 **-|

"You survived the weekend," Banner says, greeting me at the door with a slap on the back.

"Barely."

"Did you use your opposite actions?"

"Yes," I sigh heavily. "The entire weekend was one gigantic opposite action. Otherwise I never would've left my Louis."

"Who's Louis?"

"Oh, my bed. You know, I'm in the furniture design business."

"Yes, I remember. I just didn't realize you refer to your pieces by name," he says, amused.

"Not all of them. It was kind of a thing with Bella."

"Like that chair that you two broke."

"Can we get back to my problems, please?"

**-o-**

"Okay, Edward. You're going to see Bella tomorrow. Tell me what makes you the most anxious about that."

"I fear that she won't forgive me."

"What can you do about that?"

"Not a damn thing; it's her emotional decision. I get it, but it sucks."

"The question is, can you accept her decision?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"You always have a choice. You can make wise decisions about whether and how to take action, or you can fall into the intense, desperate, and often destructive emotional reactions that turn you into the Hulk."

"Neither one will bring Bella back."

**-o-**

"Not in the short run. But if you're really looking to change, to be that man you strive to be, your response will be a major hurdle to clear. You have to decide for yourself, Edward. It really is all up to you."

Even the thought of her face-to-face rejection makes me feel dizzy. I honestly don't know if I can handle it. "Maybe I shouldn't go to my appointment. I can keep working, practice my skills some more..."

"You mean, hide?"

Fuck, he's right. "No, I don't want to hide."

"Okay then. Let's talk about what you _can_ control."

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide_... **XXX ~BOH**


	265. Chapter 265

|- **265 **-|

_How's this for an act of faith?_ I muse, pulling the razor gingerly around my apprehensive sac. I'd rate the chances of Bella seeing my handiwork highly improbable, yet somehow it feels disrespectful not to smooth things out.

It would certainly serve me right to cut myself, but I'd really rather not add bleeding balls to my casualty list along with broken heart and wounded pride.

Applying similar logic to my hair, I spend an extra fifteen minutes scrunching and mussing, fully aware of the futility.

The idea that Bella's fingers will soon be touching my head makes me swoon.

**-o-**

"Edward, you've got to calm down," Jasper warns, finding me hyperventilating at the men's room sink.

"Jas, I can't do it. What if she won't see me? What if she _will_ see me but she hates me? What if she called in sick today? What if she thinks I'm not coming, so she goes into work, but then I show up and she feels trapped?"

"I seriously don't think you're fit to operate a motor vehicle right now. Maybe I should drive you."

I splash cold water on my clammy face, careful not to mess up my meticulously arranged hair.

**-o-**

"I can't do this."

"You have to do this. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't."

He's right. How many people have a standing appointment the injured party has to keep? This is a gift horse I cannot afford to look in the mouth.

"You didn't eat any lunch, did you?" his reflection asks, concern creasing his forehead.

"Hell no. I can't even think about food right now. My stomach is turning cartwheels."

"Okay. Just remember your breathing and your mindfulness exercises. And try not to be an ass."

I scowl at him in the mirror. "How is that helpful?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _Mmmhmmmm. Tomorrow. Yup. Oh yes, we will! Rest up, peoples...it is HAPPENING!_ **XXX ~BOH**


	266. Chapter 266

|- **266 **-|

I pull into an out-of-the-way parking space fifteen minutes early, instinctively allowing for a last-minute change of heart. With Emmett's, "Don't be a pussy," and Rose's, "You owe it to both of you to see her," rolling through my head on an endless loop, I know there's no way I can show my face back at work if I fail to go through with this.

I've never been more nervous for anything in my entire life.

_You can only control your own responses_.

I take five deep cleansing breaths, grab the wrapped package, and force myself out of the Volvo.

**-o-**

Five steps forward, a panicked 180-degree turn, three steps in retreat. Turn. Repeat.

This was a colossally terrible idea. Why on earth did I let Rose, Emmett and Jasper bully me into coming back here today?

It's not about the hair this time. Not about biblical vipers sapping the super strength or sexual mojo from the hero of the story.

In fact, if there's a villain here, it would be me.

Not sure whether she'll even see me just because my name happens to be in the system, I take a deep breath and push inside Mystique.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** YES! That was Chapter 46, word for word. You don't even have to go back and check. *winks at Intricacy and Trip* Okay, folks…here we go! The story is about to switch POVs, so watch for those scissors and King Louis icons so you know whose brain you're inhabiting! _Aaaaaand we're off_! **XXX ~BOH**


	267. Chapter 267

**Chapter 267**

==8 **BPOV** 8==

_12:45_.

If I knew what was good for me, I'd sneak out right now. Angela would take one look at my pale face and not even question that I'm ill. Hell, I'll just hide out in the bathroom another ten minutes or an hour or whatever it takes for him to get the message and leave.

Assuming he comes at all.

_What am I saying_? Of course Mr. Reliable will come.

My reflection reveals no signs of impropriety. Buttoned up three inches above my cleavage right down to my pedicure, no one could reasonably accuse me of wearing risqué attire.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

I suddenly feel ridiculous holding the present, not even knowing whether Bella will see me or not. Before that nosy Jessica spies me, I stuff the gift behind the potted palm tree in the corner of the reception area.

I force myself to the counter. "I have an appointment with Bella."

Jessica stares, slack-jawed, before her professional persona kicks in. "Let me see if she's available."

"_I'll_ check," comes a voice from behind me. Bella's pint-sized bodyguard.

"Thank you, Alice," I mumble gratefully.

"Don't thank me. I make no guarantees."

Her warning glare shatters my already brittle nerves. "Understood."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

Alice bursts into the bathroom.

"He's here!"

The simple announcement may as well be a defibrillator shock, jump starting my broken-down mess of a heart.

I've dreaded his arrival, but I was a thousand times more terrified he _wouldn't_ show.

Damn him for making me fall for him and then turning out to be human after all.

"Want me to cut him?" Alice offers.

"WHAT? NO! What are you _talking_ about?"

"His hair, Bella. Do you want me to trade with you? Old Mr. Franklin is blind as a bat; he'll never know the difference."

"Thanks, but I'll handle this."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _We'll be alternating now. Looks like they'll SEE each other tomorrow! _**XXX ~BOH**


	268. Chapter 268

**Chapter 268**

**| - EPOV - |**

My heart drops into my shoes.

Bella looks even more beautiful than I remembered; at the same time, she looks like a stranger—and not because it's been seventeen days since I've seen her. She's gaunt and sad and buttoned up tighter than Fort Knox.

I swallow thickly as she comes closer, my tongue tied with the weight of too many regrets. I feel like seeing her again is both my reward and my retribution.

A long-forgotten excruciating childhood memory insinuates itself—the lightning bug I captured in a glass jar. First its light went out, and then it died.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

A gasp of anguish escapes my lips before I can reel it in. Edward's beautiful face is gashed-up and spotted with purplish-yellow bruises and his right hand is splinted. Tears threaten, despite all my promises that I'd stay strong.

A million words need to be spoken, but we're locked in this charade.

"Do you want to change?" I offer, sticking to the script.

"Yes, I'm trying."

"Huh?"

"Wait, _what_?"

It might be funny if it weren't so pathetic.

"Did you want to take off your shirt?"

Crap, now all I can think of is his chest—solid, masculine, and bare.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Oh man. Some serious hurting going on here. :( Thank you for all your notes, reviews, encouragement, and even the frustrations. I know this isn't easy on ANY of us! _**XXX ~BOH**


	269. Chapter 269

_"Did you want to take off your shirt?"_

_Crap, now all I can think of is his chest—solid, masculine, and bare._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 269<strong>

**| - EPOV - |**

"No thanks."

I feel quite vulnerable enough without taking off my clothing, thank you very much.

"You can come on back," she says, leading me to her station.

I follow obediently, eyes locked on her shoes, the only part of her I feel worthy of viewing.

Rounding the corner, I'm hit with the full effect of the 30-x-40" canvas. I taste bile at the back of my throat.

"God, Bella, how can you stand it?"

Bella looks up, regarding the enormous guy with the ridiculous hair and easy-going expression. Inexplicably, she smiles at him. "I love that picture of you."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

He glares up at the photo, clearly not sharing my affection for the subject matter.

"Here. Sit."

He folds his long legs and sinks into my chair, staring straight ahead into the mirror as if his life depends on it.

Normally, guys who look this perfect are my "after" picture. We both know it's no accident his hair is flawlessly scrunched and his facial scruff is exactly the way I love it.

Loved it.

Fuck, _love it_.

"What are we doing here?"

He startles, goes all deer-in-the-headlights. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, how many inches am I taking off?"

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

"Oh, _that_. I don't know. Whatever you think."

She gives me a questioning look. "Really?"

"Yeah. I trust you."

"Really?" she repeats, adding a bit of an edge this time.

"Yes, Bella. Really."

She stares at me for a couple seconds, then says, "Okay, go get washed."

"Oh," I say, failing to conceal my disappointment. Bella has yet to touch me. And she won't be washing me. Or conditioning me. Or giving my head that tingly, scratchy, tickly massage.

_What did you expect_?

My limbs feel weighted down by cement blocks as I shuffle my sorry way over to Esme.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

I occupy myself by reorganizing my scissor roll while Esme scrubs Edward clean of all the gel he carefully applied this morning. I triple check all my product bottles to distract my thoughts from Esme's fingers scratching along Edward's scalp, when mine itch to be doing the job. And at all costs, I avoid staring at his available lap, and focus every brain cell on _not_ straddling his thighs and riding him into oblivion.

"I'm back," he says shyly, all caped and wet and sweet and defenseless, damn him.

"So you are." And we're both stuck there for a second.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**_ The fallen superhero in his cape. :( Thank you for the love for the characters, and especially your tears**. **_**XXX ~BOH**


	270. Chapter 270

**Chapter 270**

**| - EPOV - |**

The touch I'd been anticipating turns out to be the sweetest torture. It's more than I thought I might ever have again, and it's so woefully inadequate I could cry.

The scissors fly around my head but I can't watch the professional hair stylist, offering no more intimacy than the neighborhood barber would afford a random walk-in client. I close my eyes, attempting to slow this down, draw out the contact, because it well may be the last. I could not possibly put either of us through this again.

"Blow dry?"

"Please."

"Okay if I gel you?"

_Thank God_. "Please."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

The gel is my downfall.

It's always been about Edward's guileless, expressive eyes, which haven't strayed from my hands since I squeezed the goop into my cupped palm. I swear he stops breathing as I rub my hands together and take my place behind his head.

That instant my fingertips hit his scalp, his eyes roll back in his head, his lids descend halfway, and his mouth falls open. I can practically feel his balls constrict beneath me and hear the whimper on his lips as he spurts long streams of hot cum inside me.

An involuntary sigh escapes me.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

_OH GOD!_ Did I just moan out loud?

Wait, was that Bella?

I know I shouldn't, but I indulge myself in the luxury of peering into her eyes. What a huge mistake.

She is barely holding herself together. Her eyes dart left, right, down…anywhere but into the mirror. She can't even stand the sight of me. Somehow, the static, sepia, larger-than-life version of me works better than the living, breathing, real me.

I've done nothing but apologize every which way since the nightclub, but now I've inflicted new pain.

"I'm sorry," I say softly. "I had no business coming here."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

He shifts in his chair and rises to leave. I panic, grasping his shoulders and pushing him back into the seat. "You can't go. We're not finished!"

Our eyes meet in the mirror, his suddenly filled with optimism I didn't mean to instill. "We're not?"

"You're all wet," I answer, dashing away his hopes as quickly as I inspired them.

"I don't care about that," he says, breaking through the hold I have on him and tearing off his cape with one hand. He spins and tosses the plastic into the chair. "I didn't come here to hurt you further."


	271. Chapter 271

**A/N: _Just this once- because I am deeply moved by your expressions of pain- a bonus chapter._**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 271<strong>

**| - EPOV - |**

"Why _did_ you come, then?" she challenges me.

"I needed to see you. God, that sounds so selfish," I struggle, my eyes darting around the salon, taking in the staring, curious faces. "Can we possibly go somewhere and talk in private?"

She looks over her shoulder and catches Alice, who gives her some secret head signal. "Yeah, come on. The Quiet Room is empty."

This time, when I follow her, I lift my eyes higher, allowing myself a little more latitude. Her loose-fitting pants and blousy, tucked-in button-down only make me feel worse.

The firefly flickers and gasps for breath.


	272. Chapter 272

**Chapter 272**

==8 **BPOV** 8==

It's impossible to stand here without remembering everything about the night of the photo shoot. The sight and feel and smell of him, of _us together_. The sounds we couldn't contain. His reluctance to treat me with anything but kid gloves, my assurances that I would welcome his passion.

But I betrayed that promise, because what is jealousy, but an extreme expression of passion? As much as he's suffering and feeling guilty, I am, too.

Having spent the last two weeks convincing myself that we must not be good for each other after all, I'm now completely lost at sea.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

"God, I've missed you so much."

Those weren't the words at the top of the script, but they're the ones that tumble out before the door is even closed behind us. "Sorry, I didn't mean to lay that on you. What I meant to say was, 'Thank you for seeing me today.'"

"Edward, before you say anything else, may I just—"

She crumbles onto the floor in a heap of legs and hair and messy tears. I don't know the rules. Am I allowed to comfort her? Fuck, I wish I had Dr. Banner in my ear right now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**:_ Bella knows she shares the blame, but the question she's stuck with is right there: **Are we bad for each other?** Not an easy one...Thank you all for opening your hearts to these two, warts and all_. **XXX ~BOH**


	273. Chapter 273

**Chapter 273**

==8 **BPOV** 8==

Excellent.

It sounded perfect all those times I rehearsed in my head, never sure I'd ever have the chance to say it in person. And now that I do, I can't get the damn words out.

I swipe hair and tears away and open my eyes to the sight of Edward's knees on the floor directly in front of me, his hands clawing anxiously at the material covering his thighs. I ache to reach for his fingers, to calm them and to allow him to soothe me, but they're no longer mine to claim.

"I owe you a massive apology."

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

She's talking crazy!

"You owe _me_? What did _you_ do?"

"I did _…sob_ …nothing! That's just it. I knew you were all _…sob …_ banged up, but once you pushed me away…"

"I was so ashamed, Bella. I couldn't let you see me like that."

"I should've come anyway _…sob_ …later. I just couldn't. My heart just shut down or shifted into emergency mode or something."

I clutch wildly at my khakis, an inadequate substitute for her soft skin. "You did the right thing, Bella. Don't blame yourself. I didn't deserve you. But I do now."

Her head whips up.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"You do?" Could he have really figured it out? Finally, and truly?

I'm expecting backpedaling, but Edward surprises me again. "Yes," he affirms confidently. "And I'd really appreciate the chance to prove it to you."

There's a faint rumbling deep within my chest, and I'm reminded of those bitter cold Midwest winters my family endured when I was younger. Caressing the dashboard with one gloved hand, Dad would send up a fervent prayer, puffs of white steam jumping from his blue lips, before turning the key in the ignition. _"Turn over, baby."_

I will my heart to do the same.


	274. Chapter 274

_ "And I'd really appreciate the chance to prove it to you."_

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 274<strong>

**| - EPOV - |**

My heart is pounding so hard against my rib cage it actually hurts. After an eternity, she nods ever so subtly, but it's enough.

"Yes?"

"Yes," she echoes, her voice breaking with fresh tears.

"Bella, you don't know how happy you've made me. I will not disappoint you again, I swear it."

"Yes, you will," she promises. "And I'll disappoint you. Because people aren't perfect."

"That's not true, Bella. _You're_ perfect."

She regards me through sad, wet eyes, and reaches out her hand to cup my cheek. "It's so lonely up here on this pedestal you stuck me on, Edward."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"I'm sorry, Bella," he croons. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way. We have so much to talk about."

"Well, we can't do it right now," I say, realizing my next appointment will be here in five minutes. I get my feet under me and brush the dust off my black pants. Edward's hand appears and I take it gratefully. He pulls me up and doesn't let go.

"Feels so good to touch you again," he whispers earnestly. "I thought I'd never…" He shakes the thought away.

"Come back at 6 tonight?" I offer.

"_Really_? Tonight?" He smiles.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _He SMILED! I know ff reviews are acting funky. You know where to find me...Facebook or PM me, or one creative reader found my LRR blog (which is basically empty except for her note!) Thanks for the love for the characters_. **XXX ~BOH**


	275. Chapter 275

**Chapter 275**

**| - EPOV - |**

Alice glares at me until she sees that Bella is following me out with a smile on her face as well. Bella hands my slip to Jessica.

"Forty-five today," she says sheepishly. "I feel bad even charging you that. You didn't really even need a cut today and I didn't get to blow you out."

My face feels as hot as hers looks and I slide a twenty from my wallet and fold it twice before pressing it into her hand.

"No, Edward. I can't take your tip today."

"But I took your time."

"It's way too much," she protests.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Fine, here. Take this instead," he says, swiftly changing the twenty for a ten and adding an extra five. "Could you please give this to Esmerelda for me?"

"Was she… okay?" _I'm sorry I rejected you_.

He leans in, placing his mouth to my ear. "She's not you," he answers, leaving chills and goose bumps all along my neck.

"Bella, your next appointment is here," Jessica interrupts, the jealous witch.

"Oh, before I go…" Edward starts, disappearing behind the hideous plant and pulling out a beautifully wrapped package. "This is for you. Open it in private," he adds, blushing anew.


	276. Chapter 276

**Chapter 276**

**| - EPOV - |**

The visual of her pleasantly surprised smile accompanies me to my car. I breathe the fresh air of a second chance deep into my lungs and pull my cell phone to my ear.

"We did it, doc."

"_You_ did it, Edward."

"Ha! I knew you'd say that."

"That's the sign of a great therapist. The patient already knows what I was going to say, and now I am completely redundant."

"Not quite yet. Actually, I was hoping for one more session. Any chance you can squeeze me in this afternoon? She's agreed to see me again tonight."

"Come on over."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

There's no privacy in the salon, especially with Alice hovering especially close today, but I'm finally able to sneak away to my car. Not a huge fan of delayed gratification, I bypass the card and go straight for the present, untying his perfectly rendered bow and slipping my finger under the elegant tissue.

The oxygen is sucked from my lungs as I lay my eyes on the cover of the sketch book. In silver metallic paint atop a plain black background, the inscription reads:

_**For Bella**_

_**Love,**_

_**Edward**_

I clutch the book to my chest and stop fighting the tears.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _Not only did many of you guess this, someone gave me the idea way back when I posted Alice's birthday present. You guys are awesome, and my story would not be nearly the same if I'd written it without your input._ ** XXX ~BOH**


	277. Chapter 277

**Chapter 277**

**| - EPOV - |**

"So things went well, I gather?"

Nate chuckles at my nervous energy, watching me pace back and forth behind the couch. "Yes, I'd say the appointment far exceeded my expectations."

"Your hair's kind of a mess," he teases.

"Oh, I didn't even look. It doesn't matter. So listen, Bella said this thing, about me putting her on a pedestal."

"Ah. It's easy to disappoint people from up there."

"She feels like she disappointed me? But, I'm the one who messed up."

"In a relationship, it's never just one person. You can't take on all the blame without invalidating her experience."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

As soon as I'm confident I can open the sketch book without dripping tears on the precious pages, I venture to peel back the cover and explore inside.

The first few pages are just faces—_my_ face, specifically—exhibiting every expression imaginable. Playful, pensive, silly, surprised, sad, smoldering.

_Wow, do I really look like that?_

Then he moves into small studies of various random body parts. A hand, a knee, my neck, a breast, my thighs, and _oh my,_ the little heart-shaped patch.

It feels crazy flattering, to feel so intimately known and thoroughly digested by another.

By a lover.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _I'd love to see what mr h might conjure if he tried to draw me. He excels at stick figures (watch out Jayme D!). Turns out it was Whiti who had the idea that E sketch Bella, so THANK YOU for that. And thank you, Robin J-R for pulling Bella off the soapbox and sticking her on a pedestal for me. What on EARTH would I do without my wonderful readers?_ **XXX ~BOH**


	278. Chapter 278

**Chapter 278**

**| - EPOV - |**

"I just hope I don't screw up later."

"Edward, life isn't about avoiding mistakes. It's about dealing gracefully with the ones we make."

"Speaking of mistakes, doc, this awful couch has got to go. I've been holding my tongue all week, but I just can't keep silent any longer. How about if I send you a Cullen Cortona in lieu of my deductible?"

He laughs out loud. "That wouldn't be a very fair trade. Your co-pay is only fifteen dollars per session! Besides, I don't want my patients getting too comfortable here. I'm a temporary leg up, not a prosthesis."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

The full body nudes are hardest to look at. I can't help but imagine his anguish in drawing them. His talent is undeniable, but it's the sheer artistry of the elegant curves and the obvious affection he holds for his subject matter that jumps off the page.

His final grouping is by far my favorite. Suggestions of a male partner join the female form. Strong lines, shadowy muscles, joined bodies, shared ecstasy. By the time I flip to the final drawing, I've had to move the book to the passenger seat so as not to drench the delicate papers.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

"How about a Pisa then? _You're_ allowed to be comfortable, right?"

"The one that crumbled? No thanks!"

"We've fixed it!"

Nate gets serious all of a sudden. "Edward, don't pressure yourself to make some grand gesture here."

He clearly senses my disappointment. "I was lousy to you in the hospital."

"Most people are. It was a rough time."

"Still—"

Standing, he signals the end of the session.

"So this is it?" Mild panic sets in.

"Yep, I'm done with you. Now, go and get that girl back!"

I smirk. "I thought this was about me."

He chuckles. "Yeah, right."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _You did get that she was worried about drenching the paper with TEARS, right, kinksters?_ **XXX ~BOH**


	279. Chapter 279

**Chapter 279**

==8 **BPOV** 8==

I slice open the envelope with a nail file, certain I'll be saving this correspondence for the rest of my days. In the same graceful script he used on the cover, Edward's written:

_Dear Bella,_

_As I work through my issues, you're all I can see and all I need._

_But please rest assured,_

_If you choose not to see me again—perish the thought—_

_I swear I will never put pencil to paper and steal your image without your blessing._

_If we do end up back together –God willing—_

_I'll fill a library with drawings of us._

_Love, Edward_

_._

_._

_._

**| - EPOV - |**

"You were there forever. That's a good sign, right?" Jasper asks, pulling a sub out of the refrigerator for me.

"Dude, why does your hair look like shit?"

"Emmett, stay focused," Rose snaps.

"I went to see Banner after, and she didn't get around to drying me. Oh, and I'm going back tonight."

"To Banner?"

"No, Rose. To Mystique. Bella invited me to come back after work so we can talk."

"You better tame that dead raccoon on your head first."

A chunk of salami flies out of my mouth and lands on Emmett's cheek as I burst out laughing.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Oh my God, is that an actual smile on your face?" Alice teases, catching me as I sneak back inside from the parking lot.

"Maybe."

"Chuck Norris did some sweet talking, did he?" she asks, suspiciously.

"Not just talking, Alice. He's been…" It's not my place to share Edward's story. "…Drawing."

"With a broken hand?"

"Apparently," I shrug. "Makes it all the more special, doesn't it?"

"Depends. What's he been drawing?"

I feel myself redden, but I don't care anymore. "Me. Us."

"I don't suppose you'll share?"

"No way, Alice. Too personal."

"Wow," she says appreciatively. "Head Three's got game."


	280. Chapter 280

**Chapter 280**

**| - EPOV - |**

By now, she's seen the sketches and my revelation. Once I decided to write it in bold metallic marker, there was no taking it back. I'm out and I'm proud. I love Bella.

_Loving her doesn't come with strings attached, _Banner's voice reminds me_. Not possession, not reciprocity, not control._

_Was I cowardly telling her this way?_ I wonder, tapping my steering wheel at the red light.

I don't think so. This way, she knows how I feel, and she can process her own response without any pressure.

And I take it as a good omen that she hasn't canceled.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

_Edward loves me_.

It seems ironic he's only telling me now, after everything. But then I stop and remind myself, it had only been three weeks. How on earth did we fall so hard, so fast?

There's no question I loved him, too. _Love him, too_? Does it even matter what was? He's right to focus us on _now_.

The plan that felt reasonable—necessary, even—at 2 pm feels cruel at 5:45, but the wheels are in motion. Besides, if things aren't going to work, I'd so much rather know now than go through the whole damn process again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **_Born is hiding..._** XXX ~BOH**


	281. Chapter 281

**Chapter 281**

**| - EPOV - |**

This time, I'm empty-handed. It's just me—I'm the prize in the Cracker Jack box. I park closer, emboldened by her invitation. I remind myself to take five deep cleansing breaths before pushing open the salon door.

Good thing I did, because there in front of me is a sight requiring as much non-toxic air as I can squeeze into my lungs. And then some.

Bella's leaning casually against the counter, talking and laughing with none other than Jake. It's a crash course in emotional regulation, the final exam of my life.

I am mindful of an intensely uncomfortable sensation.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Edward, hey. You're early," I greet, trying to keep my voice casual while watching for signs of trouble.

Jake turns around and offers a hand. "Hey, man. Oh, I guess you can't shake. You're looking colorful."

Edward looks pained. "How's Seth?"

"Kid's all right. He healed fast, plus Bella here gave him a free haircut, on the house, so to speak."

Jake's milking it, but Edward doesn't seem affected. "I haven't had the chance to thank you, Jacob."

"Oh yeah? They break your phone along with your ribs?"

There's no reining this loose cannon back in.

Edward searches my face.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

She's watching my every breath, looking for confirmation that I've really changed. "You got a point there, Jacob. I guess I just wasn't ready, so I'll say it now. Thank you for pulling me out of that dog pile before I got myself killed."

Bella raises an eyebrow, and I feel the warm rush of control flowing through my veins. The Hulk is at bay.

Then Jacob has the nerve to put his arm around Bella and pull her in close. "I couldn't let this beautiful girl watch her boyfriend get beaten to a pulp. Or should I say, 'EX-boyfriend'?"

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"That's none of your business, Jacob," Edward answers evenly. No clenched fists, no gritted teeth, no red face. I've seen enough.

"Thanks for stopping by, Jake," I tell him.

"Sure thing, babe," he says, swooping in to kiss me on the cheek before I realize what's happening.

Edward turns his head away but doesn't comment.

"Later," Jake chuckles, wicked gleam in his eye.

_Ass_.

"Wanna get a bite to eat?" I ask Edward.

"Sure. Don't you want to wash up?"

I smile at his thinly disguised insinuation. "Yeah. Be right back?"

Edward's staring up at his photo when I return.

* * *

><p><strong>AN**: _SM's Dr. Banner was apparently a nod to the Hulk's alter-ego, and here, he's most definitely been the antidote. I won't be able to respond today, but I'd sure love to hear your thoughts._ **XXX ~BOH**


	282. Chapter 282

**Chapter 282**

**| - EPOV - |**

She appears at my side, holding the sketch book. I turn away from mega-me and take in Bella's grateful smile instead.

"This is the most wonderful gift I have ever received. Thank you."

"You're welcome," I respond. "I should thank _you_, though. The drawing really helped me heal, gave me something positive to focus on when I was feeling low."

Bella sets down the book and weaves her fingers with my good hand. I close my eyes and swim in the happy moment.

"Is this really how I look to you?"

"That depends," I hedge. "Did you like the drawings?"

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Of course. I love the drawings. I just find it fascinating that while I'm drawn in vivid detail, you are this shadowy, blurry generic male form. It makes me wonder if you don't see yourself clearly."

He tips his head suspiciously. "Have you been speaking with my therapist?"

I giggle. "No, wouldn't that be highly unethical? Why, is that what he tells you?"

"He tells me lots of wise things, Bella. But before we talk about him, or anything else, I need you to hear one thing: I love you. I mean that in a healthy, non-stalkerish, non-jealous, non-possessive way."

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

Her soft brown eyes blur with tears, and she reaches up on tiptoes, cups her free hand behind my neck, and kisses me. I already know how her kisses taste, but that doesn't stop this urgent kiss from feeling like our first.

Even better, maybe, since this time we appreciate how fragile it all can be.

By mutual unspoken agreement, we both pull back before things get too crazy. I wrap my bad hand around her back and pull our joined hands to my chest. I drop my cheek onto her shoulder and she pulls her fingers through my hair.

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"I love you, too, Edward," I murmur into his ear. "I wish I would've told you before. Maybe it would've saved us some anguish."

"You told me in other words. I was just too stubborn to hear it."

"Can you hear me now?" I tease.

"Mmmhmm." He rocks us in a slow dance, neither of us speaking for the longest time.

"May I kiss you again, Bella?" he asks, shredding my heart that he's not sure.

"Yes. Please. We have so much making up to do."

He closes his lips over mine and we kiss and rock, sway and hum.


	283. Chapter 283

**Chapter 283**

**| - EPOV - |**

"I want to show you something," she whispers, pulling our hands down to her waist and fumbling with the bottom button. At first, I feel strangely shy about touching her bare skin, but once I realize what's resting on my fingers, I moan out loud and look down.

The "E."

"You wore this for my appointment?" The thought of her dressing this morning with me in mind gives me a new reason to smile.

"I never stopped wearing it." She blinks back more tears and I swear I'm about to join her.

"Oh God, Bella. I've been such a fool."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"That's all in the past now," I soothe, understanding exactly what he meant by that. "I'm going to make sure you never doubt my feelings again."

He drops the dangle and cups my chin.

"No, sweetheart. I mean, yes, fine, do your best, but it's not your job to quell my insecurities. That's _my issue_, not _your problem_. Speaking of which? I am officially letting the lightning bug out of the jar to fly free and light your light and don't you let anyone, especially me, ever tell you not to be yourself ever again. That was my worst damage."

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

"I need to tell you one more thing, Edward."

I tense, but remember myself. "Go for it."

"Here it is. I…

am…

_starved_!"

"That was kind of mean," I complain, though I'm smiling as I do.

She grabs the drawings and takes my hand again, pulling me out the doors of the empty salon and locking up behind us.

"Meaner than testing you with Jake?" she asks tentatively.

"I get it. It's okay."

"You did great, by the way."

"Meh, he's not much by way of competition," I boast. "Unless you like the obvious type."

"Nah, I prefer shadowy myself."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Anyway, you know what they say about guys who take steroids? Trouble getting it up, keeping it up…" he supplies helpfully.

"Oh, that's a myth. Jake didn't have any trouble at all," I tease, causing Edward to half-tackle me in the vestibule, pinning me against the wall with his hips.

"Is this going to be your new little game now? Try to get a rise out of Edward?"

His cheeks are pink and his eyes are bright and wild. He's hard and it feels so good pressed against me.

"No, baby. No games. No more tests to pass. Just us."

_._

_._

_._

**| - EPOV - |**

Little does she know, there hasn't been a rise out of me since the incident; she's raising my spirit from the dead here, necromancy at its finest. It hurts to think my last time was that stupid solo act in the men's room.

Looking directly into the eyes of my captive, whose heavy breathing matches my own, I'm pretty sure we just switched to Plan B.

"Bella, I have a freezer filled with homemade dinners, and I would be more than happy to defrost us something… after."

She smirks. "Pretty sure of yourself there, aren't you, buddy?"

"It's the 'E.'"


	284. Chapter 284

**Chapter 284**

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"Be myself, eh?" I shift in the passenger seat and start unbuttoning my shirt. One, two, three buttons, until the hint of my cleavage is exposed. "Like this?"

He nods.

I untuck my shirt and unbutton three more from the bottom, tying the tails into a knot just above my belly button. "How's this? Better?"

He nods again, swallowing hard over his Adam's apple.

I fold down the top of my loose pants. Once, twice, and thrice. I slide a finger under the revealed strap of my thong. "I can go back to not wearing panties?"

"Yes, please," he croaks.

.

.

.

**| - EPOV - |**

"I am so freaking happy you don't have a roommate," Bella comments, pulling off her clothes in the middle of my family room and standing in front of me buck naked.

"Me, too, but we're doing this like we mean it tonight," I inform her, scooping her up into my arms and only remembering my injuries a beat too late. Fuck it, she's worth it.

She crosses her ankles and loops her hands behind my neck. "Which time didn't you mean it?" she teases.

"You know what I mean." I toss her onto the bed.

"Ahhh, Louis. I've missed you."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

His bruising is worse than I expected, and I cringe as he reveals himself.

"Awww, poor baby," I coo, dropping soft kisses onto his wounds.

"Just go easy on me, okay? I don't want to end up in traction."

I pout. "I thought you said to do it like I mean it."

He slides off the rest of his clothes and drops a knee onto the bed beside me. "I meant…" _he kisses my lips_, "to do it…" _my neck_, "like you mean…" _my nipple_, "you love me."

And just like that, play time is over and things get real.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** _My heart is soaring because they're together again. My heart is hurting because we're dangerously close to the end_. **XXX ~BOH**


	285. Chapter 285

**Chapter 285**

**| - EPOV - |**

It's only been the last few days I've even allowed myself the luxury of dreaming about Bella's body again. Though we've been apart almost as long as we were together, my mouth remembers exactly how much pressure feels best, and my one good hand manages to make her sing and shake and beg.

She flips me gently onto my back and crawls down to settle between my legs.

"Oh, thank God," she whispers between kisses. "I was worried you might have battle wounds."

"No, that part managed to escape unscathed."

"Wish I could say the same for your balls, sweetie."

.

.

.

==8 **BPOV** 8==

"I think I did admirably without my right hand!"

He looks like a porcupine mated with a cue ball but I don't want to hurt his feelings. From the sounds he makes when I take both balls in my mouth, he's far from hurting.

Edward responds with perfect integrity, as usual; his body and mind equally incapable of deceit.

My lips close over the top of his shaft, and he pulls back instantly, tapping me on the shoulder.

"C'mere."

"What is it? Did I hurt you?"

"No. Tonight's too important. Lie down, please."

He stretches over me, and I understand.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** One more drabble from each. Yeah, I know.


	286. Chapter 286

Chapter 286

**| - EPOV - |**

Here we are.

Alone, together.

Naked in every imaginable way.

The step we never took.

The quintessential act of trust.

_I am who I say I am._

Her hands hold my hips, supporting my wounded frame.

My elbows rest near her shoulders, thumbs brushing her temples.

Her body ready to receive and envelop mine.

Eyes locked together and lips sharing breath.

"Bella?"

"Yes. Please."

"You're sure?"

"Definitely."

"I need you to…" I waggle my useless hand and she picks up the mantle, spreading herself open for me with one hand and guiding me inside with the other.

"_Oh God_, Bella."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: _Last chapter tomorrow._ XXX ~BOH**


	287. Chapter 287

Chapter 287

==8 **BPOV** 8==

I've shed more tears today than during our entire disunity.

Loving and losing a man as uniquely and thoroughly beautiful as Edward Cullen is exquisite heartbreak. Experiencing him anew? Nothing short of miraculous.

It's like the bottle says: _Lather, rinse, repeat_.

Two people meet, there's undeniable attraction; they work each other into a full-blown froth.

_Lather_.

Along comes the cold hose of reality. He's possessive, she's flirty; it's raw and gritty and eventually—explosive.

_Rinse_.

Hopefully wiser, they try again. With forgiveness, courage, commitment and trust, the two move forward together, determined not to waste this precious second chance.

_Repeat_.

.

.

.

==8 **|THE END |**8==

* * *

><p><strong>BREAKING NEWS- 9-1-2012: <strong>LRR is up for the Top Ten Fics of the month of August, 2012 (as are Comp Sem 101 and Kitkat's Down on the Bayou). You can only vote for one fic at a time, but apparently, it's okay to reload and vote again. Check out the list of great fics and vote for your favorites: twifanfictionrecs dot com slash 201209/01/vote-for-your-top-ten-completed-fics-august-2012/****

**A/N:** ***grabs Kleenex* **First and foremost, I'd like to thank each of you for reading to the end and for taking these characters into your heart. With them, you laughed and cried, cheered and chastised, but above it all, you loved. Your ideas helped shape the story; in fact, I'd ended it with chapter 45 until the mighty outcry to continue screamed at me from your reviews! (Thank you for that, by the way). The "E", the sketchbook, the 'should they or shouldn't they?' of the shower scene...couldn't have done it without you.

Second, to my wonderful pre-readers and story collaborators- Trip, Jenjiveg and Alterite in the beginning, and Shell and Beans for the second "half"- thank you all for your honesty and your fantastic plot suggestions along the way. This angsty tale was a rocky ride in the writing and in the posting, but you gave me the confidence to tell it.

You know where to find me by now- I'll be posting Kinkily Ever After for another few years (just kidding, I hope)- and I may have another story or two left to tell.

If I haven't met you yet, please come and say hi and tell me what possessed you to read 287 chapters about a haircut!

**Much love and appreciation for your support- XXX ~BOH**


	288. Outtake  SHRINKage

This outtake was written as a mashup birthday fantasy for **Amber1983**. What happens when Dr. Maggie Doyle from Amber's fic _**The Search**_ and LRR's Nate Banner come together for a joint session? Shrinkage- it's not always a bad thing! With a nod to **Kitkat's _Fatty_**, who also sees the good Dr. B on occasion!

* * *

><p><strong>SHRINKage: The doctor is IN!<strong>

"Copley Plaza, please," Nate instructed the cabbie, holding his breath as the overpowering sweet scent of the pine "air freshener" assaulted his nostrils.

"That shrink convention?" the driver asked. "One about sex?"

"Yes, that's the one," Nate answered patiently, though he was in a terrific hurry.

"Storrow Drive's backed up," the driver grumbled. "Okay if I take the Pike in?"

Nate shrugged. "I've never been to Boston before, so you're on your own, guy."

The two men's eyes met briefly in the rear-view mirror, each sizing up the other for the split second before the driver engaged the meter and pulled away from the curb. The cabbie did his best to look trustworthy and Nate, for his part, attempted to not look like a sucker who'd pay for an unwelcome tour of the Big Dig.

Unlike most of the therapists who'd be attending the conference, Nate was not backed by some fancy newfangled "Sexual Rejuvenation" retreat in Malibu. No, he had a small but thriving practice in Seattle but knew it was time to branch out. Couples therapy was the future, he was more convinced than ever. And he knew it would be irresponsible to venture in that direction without becoming fluent in the latest and greatest techniques in psychosexual therapy.

He pulled out his registration confirmation yet again, anxiously checking his watch against the schedule. Dr. Margaret Doyle, the leading expert in the field, would be speaking in thirty-five minutes. It was Dr. Doyle he'd specifically come to hear, and if he allowed himself to be completely honest, to _see_, as well.

_You're a fool, Nate_, he told himself once more. She's brilliant and gorgeous and insightful and warm, and she's…well, an expert in sexual satisfaction. A catch with a capital "C". And yet, all the Googling he'd done had come up devoid of any romantic attachment for the good doctor.

_But why on earth would a woman like that go for a schlub like me?_ He had to chuckle to himself, gazing out the windows into the artificial amber harshness of the tunnel lights. _What would Edward have to say about your self-doubt?_

_If only all my patients were Edward Cullen, _he mused, laughing out loud this time at the freaky coincidence that he did, indeed, have two different patients by that same unlikely name. Not to mention their girlfriends were both named Bella!

Nate cleared his head of the former Hulk and the former Fatty and set his thoughts on Dr. Margaret Doyle.

**SHRINKage**

"It is my great honor to introduce Great Britain's leading Sexologist, Dr. Margaret Doyle."

The auditorium burst into applause just as Nate slunk into the last available seat in the very last row, so far away that the podium was in another ZIP code and the keynote speaker was reduced to a distant silhouette. If not for the huge screen broadcasting her image to the poor bastards at the back of the room, Banner would've missed out on her expressive face entirely. And that would've been a damn shame.

"Thank you, Dr. Needleman. It is such an honor to be here with all of you. But please, call me Maggie."

_Maggie._

Nate was mindful of a train roaring through his insides, and he labeled the emotion: WANT. There was absolutely nothing ordinary about this woman; not her translucent blue eyes the color of the ocean, not her chestnut hair or the smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose, not her enticing, scarlet bowed lips, not her easy smile, and most definitely not the way her faint Irish brogue lifted his heart right out of his chair.

Entranced by the comforting tone of her voice, he listened raptly to her nonjudgmental, matter-of-fact way of laying out the issues, whether she was describing erectile dysfunction or primary vaginismus. When it came to the part of the lecture where she presented her treatment, Nate was held captive by her unique blend of confidence and compassion.

"…And then we bring in the partner and set them to work on a series of increasingly intimate exercises together."

Nate pulled the bottle of tepid leftover airplane water from his bag and attempted to swallow over the large lump that formed in his throat as Maggie described the first exercise.

"I require the couple to refrain from all sexual touching for seven days."

Astonished murmuring erupted in the audience followed by embarrassed laughter.

Maggie's eyes crinkled as she giggled into the microphone, sounding to Nate's ears like a melodious bell choir. "Yeah, I get that a lot," she responded good-naturedly, sipping at her own glass of water before stowing it back under the podium shelf.

"I'm not completely sadistic, they're allowed to kiss and cuddle, but no manual or oral sex. You might be surprised at the healing power of simple, innocent touches."

From the skeptical-sounding audience response, it seemed Maggie surmised correctly—they _would_ be surprised.

Maggie discarded her notes for a moment and turned her gaze to the far reaches of the room. "How many of you have ever been on a diet?"

Ninety percent of the audience raised their hands, including Nate.

"Tell me, didn't everything taste better, when you knew you were severely restricted?" Nate detected a semi-wicked gleam in her eye. Nervous titters scattered about the room as the audience naturally made the leap.

"I promise you," she continued, holding out one hand for emphasis, "even the simple act of holding hands…" her face took on a dreamy expression and Nate couldn't help but imagine the two of them hand in hand, together on some remote beach, surf skimming over their suntanned bare feet as they sank into the wet sand, "becomes sexually charged."

_Unf!_ And there it was.

Maggie's giant projected gaze fastened onto the rear of the room, into Nate's very soul, and he felt a rush of heat so intense it brought sweat to his brow. Certain she had locked onto his two eyes, of the five thousand in the room, he dared not look away.

**SHRINKage**

The coffee break could not arrive quickly enough for poor Dr. Banner. Dr. Doyle's psycho-sexual treatment plan now firmly implanted in his psyche, he could not escape the imagery assaulting him.

"_Masturbate together but try not to touch each other,"_ she'd detailed the second step, inspiring wild visions of Dr. Doyle—of Maggie—sprawled along his rickety old couch (for fuck's sake, maybe he would accept Cullen's offer of a new sofa, after all) her legs splayed open, skirt lifted high over her hips, while Nate stood by her feet and watched. Even in his fantasy, he gawped helplessly as her fingers strolled along her wet slit and her pleasure mounted and finally erupted, her pumps slamming into the well-worn arm of his battered couch.

"_Ask the couple to share their feelings. They need to learn that sexual organs are beautiful and nothing to fear or shy away from." _Nate went wild on that one, standing before Dr. Doyle in his mind's eye, cock in hand, as she smiled and licked her lips and told him how beautiful he was, that his cock was an impressive specimen, that she couldn't wait to take him into her mouth. He may have moaned out loud, realizing his gaffe when his next-door neighbor gave him a very dirty look.

"_Then we progress to mutual pleasuring—oral and manual, but not genital." _

"Fuck me!" Banner muttered under his breath, or so he thought_._

"Seriously, dude?"

"Sorry, man, my bad," Banner said, smoothing it over before he got expelled from the room. Was it his fault Maggie had drawn a most vivid picture of a sixty-nine? Not just any run-of-the-mill sixty-nine, but the artistic athletic version, where the good doctor was suspended upside-down by her ankles, lavishing attention on Nate's manhood while he feasted between her legs. No, definitely not his fault at all.

_Is the A/C broken in here_? Nate wondered, not for the first time, drawing an index finger inside his collar and trying to allow for some airflow beneath his necktie. He only wore the damn things on rare occasions, and now he remembered exactly why.

"_And then, of course, we have genital-to-genital contact,"_ she stated, as coolly as if she were reading off a grocery list. _Eggs, milk, glans-rubbing-against-clitoris, ramen…_ Nate found it impossible to remain in his seat, as his pants grew uncomfortably tight and his throat constricted. Before Dr. Doyle even reached penetration, Nate was on his feet, tossing his leather briefcase onto his chair—with a passing sardonic smile at himself for taking pains to save the absolute worst seat in the house—and making a bee-line for the refreshments in the next room.

As he downed his third eight-ounce bottle of Poland Springs, Nate finally began to feel breath entering his lungs again, finally began to sense the hot beads of sweat cooling from his forehead and beneath his armpits. That's not to say his raging hard-on had gone anywhere, and it was this somewhat altered state in which he found himself when Dr. Margaret Doyle asked him for a cold drink.

**SHRINKage**

"Huh? Oh yes, of course, here, let me…what did you say you wanted?" He tripped over his words like a newly birthed foal trying to find its legs.

Maggie's giggle trickled across the table and found him, her warm voice wrapping itself around Banner and soothing his embarrassment. "I hadn't said. I'd only gotten as far as cold and wet," she explained.

"Oh," he answered, somewhat relieved, though still feeling the blush heat his face. "Well if I may make a recommendation, this water is quite good," he said charmingly, offering her a bottle.

"Thank you, that would be lovely," she answered, smiling broadly and holding out her hand.

"Nathan Banner, Ph.D," he said, taking her hand in his and shaking it enthusiastically.

Her face formed a surprised smile, but she recovered just as quickly. "I guess you know who I am."

"Ahem. Yes."

She looked at the water bottle expectantly, the one she'd been reaching for when he shook her hand instead.

"Oh shit, I'm such a total clod today. Here, let me open this for you, they're kind of tight." Nate blushed anew at the innuendo, and again, Maggie's warm giggles eased his humiliation.

"Thank you," she said, watching him twist the cap off and fling it into the barrel. "Impressive," she added.

"What? Oh that? Yeah, I played some basketball in college. Anyway, wow, that was an enlightening presentation."

Her face lit up. "Was it now? Are you currently a practitioner of Sexology?"

"No," he answered too quickly. "I mean, I've gravitated toward couples therapy, and this seemed to be the piece I've been missing."

He could hardly be expected to concentrate on the conversation once she placed the open bottle between her lips and tipped back the bottle along with her head and began to guzzle the cool water. Her eyes closed in what he'd almost describe as ecstasy, but really, it was only water. She finished with a loud, "Ahhhh!" and handed Nate the empty with a sly smile.

Accepting her challenge, he tossed the bottle over his shoulder without looking, and smirked when he heard it drop into the barrel.

"You must be very popular at parties," she said, grinning.

"Oh that's barely the tip of the iceberg," he answered, a giddy happiness surging through him as they flirted shamelessly with each other.

Maggie held her stomach and doubled over in laughter, as Nate realized belatedly what he'd said. "I'm just gonna shut up now," he said derisively, shaking his head and looking down at his feet.

"Please don't," she said warmly, causing him to look up and meet her eyes. "It's been a while since I've been able to talk with a real person this way."

Nate squinted in disbelief. "Really? I find that impossible to believe."

She huffed and answered, "Some men find me intimidating."

"Oh."

_Yes, _Nate realized_, because you know everything about sexual satisfaction_.

Needleman appeared next to Dr. Doyle and hooked his hand inside her elbow, murmuring that they needed her back on the dais. "Very nice to meet you, Dr. Nathan Banner."

"Nate. And you, Dr. Doyle."

She nodded and smiled at him. "Maggie."

**SHRINKage**

"Here's where the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy comes into play," Maggie explained. "CBT has been proven to help patients deal with anxiety and learn to react in a more measured and logical way to stressful situations. There is often a great deal of shame and/or guilt where sexual dysfunction occurs, and we have to cast our blanket of treatment over the underlying feelings."

Nate sat riveted to her face on the screen at first, his body humming with the fresh excitement of having met the famous and dazzling Dr. Doyle in person and, if he did say so himself, having impressed her with his coolness. But now, he was feeling a bit itchy, because CBT was so _last year_ where he came from.

It both excited and terrified Nate that he had something to teach this expert. He practically levitated out of his chair as she explained her methodology for instilling feelings of control and self-empowerment. He reflected on his recent success with Edward Cullen the First, as he'd come to label him, how in such a short time, Edward was able to train himself to reroute his feelings of jealousy and inadequacy and trust himself not to let temporary rage get the better of him.

Nate had observed countless times how the creators of DBT had married Far Eastern philosophy with the general principles of CBT and vastly improved the results, and he was eager as a newborn pup to enlighten Dr. Doyle. But how to do it tactfully? That was the all-important issue.

He'd felt the heat between them, felt her flirting, and he had every reason to believe that they'd find each other again when this thing ended today. He'd invite her to dinner, they'd share a bottle of wine, go back to his room—or hers. Come to think of it, hers would probably be a whole lot nicer. Not that Nate had any hang-ups about being with successful women. He'd overcome the sex thing, he didn't have an ego issue. So if she wanted to teach him a thing or two in bed—or wherever they ended up—more power to her.

But he wasn't quite sure if _her_ ego could handle a little professional challenge. So he squirmed, crossing and uncrossing his legs, until his neighbor let out a loud long-suffering sigh. Nate side-eyed the man, and sure enough, he was once again giving Nate the hairiest eyeball he could muster. Banner slid down into his chair and employed his favorite self-soothing technique. Several deep breaths later, he was calm again and able to withstand the lecture. But once the Q & A began, Nate bolted out of his seat and onto his feet, his hand shooting toward the ceiling of the auditorium like a bullet from a starter's pistol.

Needleman was moderating, and naturally, he called on his cronies first, and others toward the front of the room until the crowd of raised hands died back. And just when he'd announced they'd taken the last question, Dr. Doyle leaned over and gestured to the rear of the room.

"Yes, way in the back. You have a question for the doctor?"

"I do," Nate said, struggling to project his voice without benefit of microphone across a sea of restless conference-goers, a group of people who were interested enough in the subject until it impinged on their plans for cocktail hour. The leader of the fussing was his neighbor, who took the opportunity to loudly unzip his briefcase and shuffle his papers inside while Nate attempted to speak.

"Please," said Maggie, encouragingly, an expectant smile gracing her face.

_Shit, _thought Banner_. Do I really want to take this risk?_

"Jesus, man," said his neighbor disgustedly. "Get on with it already, will ya?"

Mindful of his irritation but letting it pass, Banner began tentatively. "Your CBT work…"

"Yes?" Maggie encouraged, sensing his struggle.

"Have you considered DBT in its place?"

Her smile fell, he could see it larger than life on the screen, and so could everyone else in the auditorium. A renewed hush blanketed the room and Nate's heart beat hard against his chest.

"DBT?"

Fuck! She was totally blindsided. _YOU IDIOT!_ _What have you done?_

"I'm sure you're familiar with Dialectical Behavior Therapy? It's become a very popular method for treating all manner of Personality Disorders, and I was just wondering if you might find it useful to couple DBT with your psycho-sexual treatment in place of CBT."

Maggie was doing her very best impersonation of a deer caught in the headlights, and Nate felt his palms grow clammy and his mouth go dry. And that's when the miracle occurred.

Dr. Margaret Doyle relaxed into a tranquil smile and answered, "Perhaps we could discuss that over dinner, Dr. Banner?"

"Holy shit," exclaimed Nate's neighbor, stunned into reverence. "You lucky, ballsy bastard!"

Meanwhile, Nate sensed the wave of heads flipping in his direction, all eyes on him. Nate felt his cheeks crease with the effort of stretching to accommodate his broad smile. He stared at the tiny figure at the front of the room, avoiding the temptation to look away into the screen, even though he couldn't see her nearly as well this way. The two stood stock still, locked together across rows and rows of voyeurs, but they might just as well have been the only two there.

"I believe the lady is waiting for an answer," Dr. Needleman's voice boomed out over the address system, inciting ripples of laughter and a whack on the leg from Nate's neighbor.

"Ow!" he growled, scowling at his neighbor, causing a fresh round of chuckles.

"Was that a 'yes' then?" Needleman inquired.

Nate recovered himself and answered, "Of course," the wide grin returning to his face.

It was only then that he allowed himself to look at her larger-than-life projection, just in time to see a slight nod of her head and a knowing smile.

**SHRINKage**

Nate barely acknowledged the people sliding out his row past him and heading for the exit. He barely moved an inch, in fact, holding his ground while Maggie gathered her papers and said her goodbyes to the organizers of the conference. He felt ten feet tall as she made her way back to the rear of the auditorium, holding his eyes in her tractor beam the entire way, not that he had the slightest inclination to look anywhere else.

Dr. Banner had always considered himself a romantic, his work with countless couples over the years confirming that belief, albeit tinged with the reality that even two people who seem to be perfectly suited for each other occasionally have their issues. He didn't fear the challenge, but rather saw each bump in the road as an opportunity to work together, deepen understandings, and move forward with a more solid base.

Even still, he had to admit to feeling amazed at the intensity of what honestly seemed to be love at first sight. Sure, he'd watched the few YouTube videos of Dr. Doyle as "homework", and his little infatuation with "Dr. Love" had probably started long before they met in the break room, but what he was feeling now was more powerful than any other force that had ever invaded his system. He was one hundred percent engaged and mindful of first-date jitters, racing pulse, sweaty palms, and a smile stuck to his face like someone crazy-glued it there.

"Know where we can get a decent lobster in this town?" she asked him.

"Not really," he chuckled, "but I know how to find out. Come on."

They walked side by side without speaking, and were met on the other side of the revolving door by a large man in a red suit with brass fittings. "We need a great lobster tonight," Banner confided, slipping the man a rolled up five.

With three stutter blows on his whistle, the doorman wrangled a taxi and leaned into the open passenger window. "Legal's Seaport."

"Thanks, man," Banner said, receiving a wink and an, "Enjoy!" in return.

"So…DBT?" Maggie raised a challenging brow and Nate's stomach sank again.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell I was thinking putting you on the spot in front of everyone."

Maggie reached down for Nate's hand. He gasped when she picked it up and interlocked her fingers with his. "Told ya," she grinned knowingly.

Nate glanced at their joined hands. "Does this mean you forgive me?"

Maggie chuckled warmly. "Nothing to forgive. I appreciate your passion for the topic, and I want to hear more about your therapy."

Nate shook his head, as if trying to wake himself from a dream. "Well, Dialectical—"

Maggie leaned across the seat and closed her lips over his, quieting his words. Surprised, Nate kissed her back enthusiastically and groaned when she pressed her tongue into his mouth. Maggie pulled back slightly from the kiss, sliding her tongue across her lower lip as if savoring every drop. "I hope you don't mind," she said. "I couldn't wait."

Nate laughed. "Why on earth would I mind?"

"I got the sense you were trying to tell me something."

"The hell with that," Nate said, reaching behind her neck with his free hand and kissing her again. This time, he was the one to pull away, sensing the cabbie's eyes on them in the mirror.

Nate let go and pressed his back to the seat, lifting his eyes to the ceiling and smiling like a loon. He heard Maggie sigh contentedly next to him and brushed his thumb over their joined hands. Sensing her head turn against the seat back, he turned to face her.

"Despite evidence to the contrary, I'm not actually like this," she said.

"Like what?" Nate asked, his voice sounding floaty and foreign.

"Like a love-starved horny teenager!" she giggled. "Jesus, listen to me, will ya? I'm giggling like a Middle-Schooler with her first crush!"

Nate's face nearly broke with his smile. "You have a crush on me?"

"I think I do!" She rolled her eyes at herself and let her head shake back and forth in disbelief. "I don't know what's gotten into me."

Nate squeezed her hand and she settled her eyes back on his. "I think I know," he said, a serious tone suddenly encroaching. "I think it's happening to me, too."

She stared at him for a solid thirty seconds, neither of them moving anything but their joined fingers, which spoke for their entire bodies, rubbing gently, seeking connection. Finally, Maggie spoke, "I really want to kiss you again."

Nate couldn't help that his eyes clicked to the rear-view mirror, but this time, he couldn't bring himself to care that they were being watched. He met Maggie in the middle, and soon they were wrapped around each other like ribbons on a Maypole, lips locked and tongues dancing from one mouth to the other, chests pushed together and hands roaming through hair, along backs, skimming down sides. Deep breaths sucked in and swallowed and so much kissing, tasting, sampling.

"Legal's Hah-buh-side, love-buhhds," interrupted the cabbie, pulling up to the restaurant.

He reached for his wallet. "No no, I invited you," Maggie insisted, pulling her wallet from her purse.

"Don't be silly. I'd already fantasized about taking you to dinner, and…shit, did I just say that out loud?"

Maggie burst into giggles and swatted my hand away from my pants. "Fantasies don't count unless you tell someone," she said, handing the cabbie the money but directing her comment to Nate pointedly.

Nate felt the tingle of possibility surge through him anew. "Fine," he responded, sliding out of the seat behind her. "I have this fantasy that I'll buy you dinner," he said, wrapping his arm around her and leading her to the door.

"Too late, dinner's already a done deal."

He pulled on the large brass fish handle to open the door for her. As she passed through, he teased, "Are we having our first fight?"

**SHRINKage**

"I have to admit, I'm pretty secure in my manhood, but I don't know what self-respecting man could wear a bib and not feel emasculated. I mean, it's like going to get your hair cut. You know how they make you wear those ridiculous capes? What are they thinking?"

Maggie snorted at Nate's rant and reached to cover his hand when he threatened to rip off the bib. "I think you look adorable."

He paused and took in her earnest expression, but yanked off the plastic just the same. "I'm not really going for adorable here, but thanks."

Maggie laughed. "Men."

"Whatever. The sexual revolution wasn't very kind to my gender, you know. I mean, look. Women can be macho or feminine and win either way. It's not fair."

"That's one way of looking at it," she answered. "What about the whole, 'It's okay to cry' movement?"

"Bah. I tell my patients that, but I don't really buy it."

Maggie looked horrified, searching his face. "You don't mean that?"

Banner shook his head and grinned. "Of course I don't."

"Oh thank goodness," she said dramatically, clutching her heart. "I thought I was going to have to dump you in the harbor."

"Like a gigantic bag of tea?"

"You know, we British folk are still a bit sensitive about that whole deal."

"Ha!" Banner chuckled. "It's been almost two hundred fifty years. Don't you think it's time to let it go?"

"I suppose your DBT would cure me."

Just then the two broiled lobsters arrived, tentacles hanging off plates and tiny white paper buckets of hot melted butter sloshing precariously between the claws as if the lobster itself were responsible for holding it.

"Sir? Your bib?" the waitress said, startled by Nate's vulnerability.

"I'm good," he assured her. "We'll take a bottle of the Francis Ford Coppola Chardonnay."

"Absolutely, sir."

"Since you're paying," Nate said with a wink to his date.

Maggie's mischievous glint returned. "Not me. Needleman."

"Crap. I knew I should've ordered the Stag's Leap."

"Ha!" Maggie snorted, cracking a claw in half. "So, tell me more about the 'D' in DBT."

"Do you really want to talk about that tonight?"

"Why?" she asked. "What do YOU want to talk about?"

Nate fiddled with his lobster while mustering the courage for the conversation he really wanted to have, unhinging the tail from the rest of the lobster and peeling back the fins. Using his long, agile thumbs, he pushed the tender flesh through the tough red shell while Maggie looked on in fascination. "I'd like to hear about _your_ fantasy," he answered, once the meat was safely liberated.

The server returned with the wine, uncorked it and poured a taste for Nate. Without pretense, he swirled, sniffed and tasted it, deeming it, "Nice" and nodding for her to fill Maggie's glass.

Maggie took a long pull and moaned appreciatively. "That _is_ nice."

"Changing the subject?" Nate smirked, taking a bite of the meat still dangling between the fingers of his left hand.

"You really want to hear it? Right now?" she hedged.

"I really do."

Maggie took one of the skinny legs into the side of her mouth and bit down, spurting juice across the table and onto Nate's tie. "OH SHIT! I'm so sorry!" She stood up quickly and dipped her linen napkin into her ice water, dabbing madly at his tie. "This is why you should've worn your bib!"

"Well hell, honey, I didn't think I had to worry about _you_ squirting me!"

Maggie's laughter reverberated in her throat and it was all Nate could do to resist kissing her again. Instead, he leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Here I thought that was a myth!"

Maggie slid her lips to Nate's ear and answered, "It's so _not_ a myth." When she pulled back, Nate's eyes were ablaze with passion and he knew if she didn't stop touching him so close to his belt buckle, he'd never make it through dinner. Taking his tie in hand, he thanked her for cleaning him up and she got the message and sat back down.

Across the table.

Where she couldn't touch him. He was both relieved and incredibly disappointed.

He picked up a claw and was just cracking it in half when she came out with, "I have a thing for walls."

The claw slipped through his buttery fingers and clattered onto his plate. He cleared his throat and clarified what he hoped she meant.

"Walls?"

Nate's eyes searched the restaurant for the nearest wall, and to his dismay, he discovered the only option in sight was a glass barrier between the diners and the Boston Harbor. Visions of taking her roughly against the glass clogged his bleary mind, as he pictured the scene from the other side. What would the lucky boater be treated to? The sight of her ass cheeks pressed against the glass as he lifted her around his waist and bounced her on his cock? Or would it be her tits flattened to two dimensions while he took her from behind?

"Yeah," she answered casually. "I really enjoy getting fucked against walls."

She was teasing him, and it was sure as shit working.

Nate gulped at his wine, trying to quell the storm swirling within.

_I'm mindful of my engorged cock pressing painfully against my zipper. _

Not working. Plan B, here we come. "You realize there is zero chance we're making it back to the hotel now?"

Maggie chuckled. "You're kidnapping me? I think Needleman will send out a search party."

"Fuck him. You've got five minutes to finish that lobster and then you and I are going to find ourselves a sturdy wall."

Maggie raised her eyebrow and dropped the butter-dipped lobster tail suspended from her fingers. "I'm finished."

Nate grinned and waved for the check.

"I do love a man who isn't intimidated by a fantasy," Maggie commented.

"Intimidated? No. Aroused? Hell yeah. Where is that woman with our check? Fuck it," Nate said, rising suddenly and nearly knocking over the table in the process. He pulled out his wallet and threw down three hundred-dollar bills among clattering silverware and rattling glasses.

Maggie's chin dropped. "Isn't that a bit excessive?"

"Who cares? Come with me!" Their buttery-lobstery-lemony fingers met over the table and Nate tugged her behind him gruffly, looking back only once in time to catch Maggie ripping off her lobster bib.

**SHRINKage**

Nate steered them toward the waterfront, his head scanning left and right, searching frantically for an out-of-the-way vertical surface. Nate could hear the click, click, click of her heels and was grateful that Maggie was able to keep up admirably in her heels, even when he led her down a rickety set of railroad tie steps leading down to the water. He felt her heat close in behind him just as his eyes landed on a small boathouse. With a singular thought, Nate pulled Maggie around to the back to a wall hidden from public view. Turning to face her for the first time since leaving the restaurant, he asked, "Is this what you want, Maggie?"

Her eyes glowed bright blue in the moonlight and she answered in no uncertain terms. "Absolutely."

Nate nodded, then spun her around with a hand on her waist, forcing her back to the clapboards. Taking both her wrists in one of his hands, he raised them high over her head and trapped them against the wall. Working his knee in between her legs, he flattened himself against her, letting her feel his excitement for the first time. Their bodies heaved in perfect sync, breaths sharing an increasing rhythm. Nate dipped his head and positioned his tongue behind her ear, tracing a line down her throat and inside the top of her blouse. Maggie squealed and squirmed and Nate clamped his other hand over her mouth.

"Shhh, baby," he whispered urgently. "You don't want anyone to hear us, do you?"

She shook her head rapidly, her eyes wide with excitement.

"I need my hand back. Are you going to be a good girl?"

Maggie nodded solemnly, and Nate smiled. "That's better." His eyes never left hers while his fingers began a slow torturous trail over her chin, down her neck, got waylaid temporarily in the buttons at her cleavage before continuing down over her blouse. Her breath caught as he squeezed her breast roughly, and her nipple danced into his palm.

"Fuuuck, Dr. Doyle, do you have any idea how hot you are?" Nate asked, rubbing his thumb across the taut nipple poking its way through her thin bra. Before she could answer, he captured her lips with his and swept his tongue into her mouth. He wasn't usually one to take so forcefully, but Maggie was bringing out the beast in him, and there was no turning back now. One does not fuck a girl against a wall gently, as a general rule.

"I'll get back to this later," he sneered, releasing her breast and continuing the path down to her belly. She flexed her hips outward and Nate pinned her back with his knee, letting her know she was not in charge. She growled and he swallowed the noise with his hungry mouth.

His fingers curled under the hem of her skirt and she twitched when she felt them at the waistband of her nylons.

"I hope Needleman's budget can cover these," Nate quipped as he gripped the stockings in his fist and tore them right off her body, leaving her exposed to the cool night air.

Nate fumbled with his belt, finally managing to open it along with the hook and zipper of his slacks. He stepped in closer, his toes touching the wall, and Maggie sucked in a deep breath when she felt his erection against her, the thin layer of his boxers the only thing between his skin and hers.

"Look what you've done to me," Nate accused, swirling his hips and teasing her. "Do you want me, too, baby?"

"Nnnngg," was her response, her eyes rolling back in her head as Nate ran a finger through her slick opening. He smiled wickedly as he palmed himself, releasing his stiff length from his silk boxer briefs.

Leaning in for another kiss, Nate reached out and caressed her wet pussy. She jiggled against the wall in frustration and Nate promised, "Don't worry, baby, I'm going to take good care of you," punctuating his promise by rubbing his cock against her thigh.

"Nate," she whispered. "In my jacket…"

His eyes lit up as he realized she had hoped for this, too."No worries," he replied, reaching into the pocket of his pants, which were bunched at his thighs. Lifting the foil pack to meet his other hand, he managed to open it and sheath himself without taking his eyes off her.

"Ready, Dr. Doyle?" Nate asked, not willing to chance that she hadn't changed her mind.

"Yes, Dr. Banner. Take me!"

"Hold on tight, baby!" he commanded her, letting her wrists drop and clamping both of his hands onto her ass to lift her against the wall and set her down on his shaft. She closed around him and locked her ankles together behind his back. He could feel the powerful muscles of her thighs flexing and releasing as she pumped him.

"Mmmm," he moaned as she swallowed him inside her. It had somehow escaped his conscious thought up to this very moment that he was sexing up an expert. And instead of being intimidated the way he'd feared he might, Nate felt like the luckiest fucker on Earth.

Her inside walls gripped and massaged and coaxed him along. He dropped his face to her chest, biting at the material between his teeth and her bare breasts, vowing that next time he'd have her naked and writhing beneath him.

"Nng, nng, nng, ngg," she intoned rhythmically, as they moved together as graceful as professional dance partners.

His own low moans issued forth, and he buried his sounds in her chest. He gripped tighter around her thighs as she bounced along on his cock, and he stroked her deeper and longer each time.

And then, in the bustling Boston waterfront of an early autumn evening, Maggie cried out, "OH JESUS FUCK YES YES YES YESSSSS!" and he answered, "NNNNG NNNG NNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!" and they came together, just like in fairy tales and stories of fan fiction.

**SHRINKage**

"Co-lead my workshop tomorrow," Maggie begged, running her fingers along his rugged chin.

He smiled and swirled his finger around her nipple, simply because he could, tangled naked in her king-sized bed. "I never even told you what I do."

"So I'll learn tomorrow," she grinned, her persuasive eyes coaxing him yet again. He'd have to be very careful of those eyes, he realized. They could talk him into anything.

"Sure. Okay. Fine," he answered, knowing all along he'd never refuse her.

"Damn, you are an adorable man. Are you sure you can't come home to Marylebone with me?"

Nate pulled her fingers into his mouth and sucked on them one at a time, his doleful eyes giving her the same answer as before.

"Oh fine. Well how about we hit the lecture circuit together? We could fuck our way across this country and then I could see about dragging your sweet ass across the ocean."

"My ass isn't going anywhere, Maggie. I have patients back home who need me, same as you."

Maggie turned away and sighed. "Oh, I know. I was just trying it on for size."

Nate wrapped his arm around Maggie's waist and pulled her against his spent flesh. He dropped a kiss on her shoulder blade and said, "It's a lovely fantasy, baby."

She turned her head to look back over her shoulder at him. "What would you say if you had a patient this needy?"

He nuzzled his nose behind her ear and answered, "I'd tell her to find a way to be with her man. If they care about each other that much, they should figure it out. It may not be tomorrow or next week, but it should be something they strive for."

"You mean that, Nate?" she asked hopefully.

"You bet I do."

"Hunh. I bet you're a fantastic shrink," she said, rubbing her ass against Nate enticingly.

"Sweetheart, didn't anyone ever teach you not to say that word around a naked man?"

**THE END ~****  
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(until Amber writes the sequel)

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I hope you enjoyed this little birthday gift for my dear friend, and if you're not reading Amber1983's The Search, you're missing one of the best Britwards in fanfic! I suppose you have some idea where that story line goes...consider this a giant teaser! (And no, this does not count as the LRR future take I've hinted at!) **XXX ~BOH**


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